To think that immediate accidents = not ready for potty training?

[Mrscog]

I'm a member of a group of mums on Facebook, and lots of people seem to have young 2 year olds dry day and night. Now ignoring the night dryness because I can't envisage DS being ready for a while, am I being too lazy with potty training for the day?

So far we've bought big boy pants, and potties, he's worn the big boy pants to see what they feel like 'they feel nice mummy' and he will often sit on the potty to try and do something with about a 40% success rate (some wee some poo). However I've tried a few times since he was 2.9 to actually train him, and I've spent a couple of minutes saying 'ok DS, you're not wearing a nappy, if you feel the need to do a wee or a poo you need to sit on the potty and then you'll get a sticker' every time I've tried (probably about once a month when we have a clear weekend) within 30mins he's had an accident (even with me reminding him every 5-10 mins that if he needs to go he needs to go to the potty). He also seems oblivious and unbothered by the accidents.

Aibu to just abandon for a few weeks every time this happens? I don't really see the point in persevering if he has an immediate accident, alongside encouragement and reminders, especially as everyone says it's really easy if you leave it until they're ready. However, now I'm seeing how many much younger children are sorted I'm wondering if I'm being too hands off. He does get a sit on the potty everyday which he's enthusiastic about, so he is aware of it being an option, and when he poos now he does come and tell me and says he wants to do it on the potty, and then I explain that he needs to tell me before.

So am I lazy or sensible?! Losing all perspective due to peer influence!

I go for three/five days then leave it for a couple of months and try again. Though basically had to force ds1 and bribe him with chocolate buttons

Within 30 minutes? I'd say not ready yet. DD (2 1/2) easily goes 1-2 hours between accidents. I would try to potty train her, except every time I tried she gets hysterical and refuses to sit on the potty!

Personally, I wouldn't rush it. DD1 and DD2 were both 2.3 and DS was 2.8 and were all really easy to potty train. In fact I can count on one hand the amount of accidents for all of them, I think because they were ready. Perhaps it isn't always as simple as that but think for now, I'd leave it for a bit and go to it afresh in a month or two.

My method was simply to wait till' they were able to tell me before they did it. Both my DDs were able to do this at about 2.9 months or maybe a bit closer to 3 with one of them. Then it took one week to get them to do it on the potty. one dd ditched the potty within a week and only used the loo.

Thanks everyone, I have been laid back but he's 3 soon so I'm starting to doubt my laidback approach! However he's been towards the later end of all physical developments - didn't crawl until 1, walked at 18 months, only just jumping so maybe he's just a slower physical developer.

I felt the same op, all these little ones all potty trained and mine still in a nappy but all of a sudden pretty much from nowhere it's done. Wednesday in a nappy Thursday nappy off and only accidents which have been my fault (poor planning) it's been 2 weeks now and she's dry through the night too. So I would say you're right not to push it. Dd is 2.10 btw.

Do you mean you have given up the idea of training him after a single accident? If so, then I wouldn't say you're wrong, per se, but I wouldn't necessarily assume he isn't ready. My son had a few like this and it almost seemed like he just wanted to know what would happen if he did a wee with no nappy on, so I just cleaned up and reminded him about the toilet and he was basically completely trained (bar a couple of accidents) in a day.

Having said that, I do think you're the best judge. If you feel as though laziness is a real motivator in your decision, then maybe it is, but I don't think that's necessarily the worst thing in the world, especially as it's likely to get easier the older he is (to a point of course!).

We are training DS now. He'll be 4 in a few months and we seem to be doing ok. Tried several times after he turned 3 and got nowhere. Hysterical crying, hiding in the corner if the room so I waited. He's doing really well now. I'm going down the slow and steady route. Ironically since we stopped milk before bed he's completely dry at night. The irony ??. I take him, he has no inclination yet to take himself but he'll go if I ask him (a huge step for him). So maybe don't leave the onus on him at first? Good luck.

We're potty training DS who is just 3. He remembers to sit on his potty if he has nothing on his bottom but as soon as he has pants on he forgets and wees in them. I'm not sure how long this will go on for.

Don't stress it. My dd trained herself at just past 2yo. Ds was well over 3yo.

If they're not ready they're not ready. Someone earnestly told me they had been potty training for 8 months the other day. 8 months! That's not potty training, that's just making parenting more shit. Literally on occasion

They will tell you when they want to start wearing pants. And you will have fewer accidents. Why hurry it? Have never understood this.

DS was potty trained at about 3yo, when he seemed ready. Even so, he still had multiple accidents for the first two days.

I persevered and on day 3, something clicked with him and he was dry pretty much from then onwards. He had the odd accident if he was distracted or if he was laughing, when he needed the toilet. But these were generally few and far between.

So I wouldn't give up with him if you genuinely think he's ready. Keep going for a few days first.

But if you don't think he's ready, don't feel pressured into training too early. It's much easier to do when fully ready.

Good luck.

I took a very laid back approach to potty training - just took their nappies off, kept them in a room I could mop, and let them run around. Let them get used to the idea that things come out. Put them on the potty when it does and praise a lot. Seemed to work. One was largely trained at 2 and the other at 1.5. (Latter was fast in this area! We did still get occasional accidents for a while). We had the thing with wearing pants making a difference, but they get the hang of it eventually.

So you give up after the first accident?

I trained my DS at just two. No pants at all at first, stay in for a few days, get him on the potty as soon as he starts to wee. It took a day or two to click and I'd say he was "trained" within a week.

Catsize - I wanted to get him out of nappies as soon as possible, why drag out the expense, environmental impact and unpleasantness of changing nappies for any longer than necessary? I have never understood people who leave their kids in nappies til they are 3!

YANBU; if you're happy and he's happy, why the rush?

But I thought you were going to criticise the people who we're starting their children earlier and having accidents! I think it depends on your approach: starting earlier probably will result in more accidents, but it's not wrong to do so; it's just more fashionable these days to wait until they say they're ready, which obviously works for some and is also not wrong.

If you were keen to persist, when your son has an "accident" within those 30 minutes you could talk about it (lightheartedly!) and say, yes, that's what happens when you're not wearing a nappy, that's what it feels like when you're about to/doing a wee, now we're going to clean it up together, next time let's see if you can sit on the potty to do it, etc. I don't think this is necessarily rushing it; just a different approach, expecting accidents to be part of the learning curve. But as I say, it's up to you! He seems to be doing a great job on the poos and that's the worst bit!

Yes, I was fed up of nappies, though we had reusable - more mess if anything!

Yes I give up after first accident every time so far. Partly because it would go something like this 'well done DS for doing a wee/poo on the potty (this bit will be initiated by me suggesting he has a try) do you want to leave your nappy off and try again when you need to go again? Yes? Ok, well don't forget. Then I'd remind him every 5/10 mins then within an hour I'd be cleaning up after a child who hasn't even realised there had been an accident. I work FT, I'm 31 weeks pregnant and we moved house in the autumn so it's not been a massive priority. I think judging from everyone's responses I probably need to be prepared to endure a few more accidents, but I might leave it until I'm on ML in a few weeks time to have a proper attempt so I'll be around more. Nursery have also been encouraging him to use the potty too, but with not that much success.

gibbering I genuinely hadn't considered shutting ourselves in the kitchen where mess would be easier to clean so I might try that, although with a strong willed 3 year old it might be harder than distracting younger ones.

"He remembers to sit on his potty if he has nothing on his bottom but as soon as he has pants on he forgets and wees in them."

I agree with this. I'm not convinced my kids would be potty trained yet if I hadn't stripped them from the waist down.

I did give up first time I tried with DD, but that was because she'd be running around chatting and peeing - she clearly hadn't a clue she was doing it. Three months later was different.

You abandon for a few weeks if he makes a mistake within a few minutes the very first time? He's just about certain to get it wrong the first time, and probably the second and third. You need to give him a chance to at least try to get it right. I'd suggest you try for at least a whole day.

Some children get potty training at 2, some take longer! I've potty trained 22 children! Earliest was 21 months, latest was 3.6.

I get my employer to buy a potty way before they are even close, current 17 month old charge has had his for 10 months. He has sat on it after breakfast and before bath since then and sits on it regularly throughout the day with nappy/clothes on, I just want him to think it is a normal, natural thing instead of springing a potty on him the day we want to start training.

In the last month or so he has been doing a wee every time he sits on it, sometimes he does a wee on the potty, gets up and promptly pees on the floor!

At least once a day for the last week he has said 'poo' and I ask if he'd like to sit on the potty and he poos, but as he poos 3/4 times a day I don't think he is quite ready!!

To me a toilet trained child is one that says 'I need a wee' and then can hold it long enough to get to the toilet/potty and remove their clothes. Until then they are not potty trained and unnesseccary stress to you and your child. Take ques from them and sod everyone else (my mother) who says my child was trained at 12 months (I was sat on a potty every hour for 20 minutes, I didn't ask and she took a million changes of clothes out with us!)

I'm not there yet either but PurplePoodle's method (try for three days if it doesn't work wait, then try bribery) sounds exactly how all the chilled out mums I know did it, and all seemed to avoid any stress to them or kiddo so that's the advice I'm following.

I'd rather wait a month or two longer than I had to than create a massive stress for me and DS.

I hated the thought of potty training so didn't do anything about it, but like you we hit 3 and though balls, I suppose we ought to give it a whirl, everyone else on the planet seems to be potty trained.

DD is our first so I have nothing to compare it to, obviously, but I have to say doing it at a slightly older age seems to have made it easier. Her language skills are good, for example, so you can really explain what is going on. It's been a week now and so far things seem to be going well and I think we've cracked it.

Like you we tried odd potty moments over the months and she hated the idea. I kept talking about how other kids were wearing pants and didn't she want some too? Nope. All she said was "I'll do it later"

I would say, though - and obviously this is only for teeny experience - that we had to have an entire first day of her wetting herself and only peeing on the potty when I sat her on it for a whole episode of Dora, before it started to kick in. Next day was 50/50, next day was 80/20, if that makes sense?

YANBU to feel your son isn't ready. But I do suspect it might take a few more accidents before he learns. Watching DD she needed that day or two to connect no nappy, weeing, wet trousers and socks and the potty all together.

We started at 3.1. Attempts in the summer before were fruitless, he had some idea of poos, but weed without realising.

We went straight to the toilet. There were accidents in the first week. I got 5 pairs of cheap joggers to keep using for spares. The accidents calmed down quickly, and we normally had enough notice to get to a toilet when in places like the supermarket. I found nagging counter productive as it generates an automatic no.

I'm so pleased that I only once had to scrape a soppy poo out of a potty. If you can bypass to the toilet, it's much more pleasant!

I don't think weeing within 30 minutes means they're not ready. I'd say all of mine were similar to that on the first day but then were pretty much trained a day or 2 later! The first day for each of my kids was probably a 50% success rate, the next day was 80% and the following it just clicked. It was rare for any of them to have accidents once they were trained. With my first there were a few false starts but each time I gave it a full day to really see whether they were ready or not.

This is all good and making me feel much better. I was feeling quite upset earlier and DH had to talk sense into me, reminding me that I spent most of last autumn either moving house or being sick, which makes me feel a lot less lazy.

I'll carry on as we are for now (giving opportunities for potty use at home and at nursery) then give it a massive bash at Easter, and expect a few more accidents. I suppose he might even take a step forward himself in that time (like walking - he went from nothing to marching around like a pro in about 48 hours, just as I was starting to get upset on his behalf!).

That sounds like a good plan Mrscog. Both my ds were 2.11 and 3 when successfully potty trained. After a lot of stressing over it by me and failed attempts resulting from pressure from others. Both achieved over holiday periods when it was the priority and all calm. A couple of days of accidents then a couple of months of close vigilance. DS2 was immediately dry at night, but DS1 not dry until 4 years 4 months and at school. Was really concerned then received a leaflet from school nurse saying that not dry at night until a particular hormone kicks in. This happened shortly afterwards. Best way to approach potty training is to do it in your own time and tune out everybody else!