To think that immediate accidents = not ready for potty training?

[Mrscog]

I'm a member of a group of mums on Facebook, and lots of people seem to have young 2 year olds dry day and night. Now ignoring the night dryness because I can't envisage DS being ready for a while, am I being too lazy with potty training for the day?

So far we've bought big boy pants, and potties, he's worn the big boy pants to see what they feel like 'they feel nice mummy' and he will often sit on the potty to try and do something with about a 40% success rate (some wee some poo). However I've tried a few times since he was 2.9 to actually train him, and I've spent a couple of minutes saying 'ok DS, you're not wearing a nappy, if you feel the need to do a wee or a poo you need to sit on the potty and then you'll get a sticker' every time I've tried (probably about once a month when we have a clear weekend) within 30mins he's had an accident (even with me reminding him every 5-10 mins that if he needs to go he needs to go to the potty). He also seems oblivious and unbothered by the accidents.

Aibu to just abandon for a few weeks every time this happens? I don't really see the point in persevering if he has an immediate accident, alongside encouragement and reminders, especially as everyone says it's really easy if you leave it until they're ready. However, now I'm seeing how many much younger children are sorted I'm wondering if I'm being too hands off. He does get a sit on the potty everyday which he's enthusiastic about, so he is aware of it being an option, and when he poos now he does come and tell me and says he wants to do it on the potty, and then I explain that he needs to tell me before.

So am I lazy or sensible?! Losing all perspective due to peer influence!

I found plonking ds on the potty straight after an accident (whether on the floor or in his pants) and asking him if there was anymore helped.

Please don't stress about it. There's no harm in leaving him longer. I would say that having an accident within 30 minutes does sound like he's not ready. I really think it is so much easier when they are older as they can understand and communicate so much better.

My DS was just over 3 when I decided to try potty training. It was warm out so I explained that we were going to do nappy off time in the garden and when he needed a wee he should sit on his potty (potty placed by edge of lawn). He said he understood and I stripped his lower half. He played all afternoon with 1 wee in the potty and no accidents. I put a nappy back on at dinner time and then did nappy off time again the next afternoon with the same result. On the third day we were going out to different places and he asked to leave off his nappy. I was a bit nervous but went with it and he was excellent. I made sure that he knew where the potty was at our different destinations and he just told me and took himself to the potty when he needed. By day 5 he said he didn't want a nappy at night either. I decided to trust him and it was fine. He'll be 4 in May and we've had no night time accidents at all. I know not all children are the same but with DS it was all so easy I can't understand why people push to train early.

If you have to remind, he isn't ready. My dd1 was dry (during the day, not needing reminders) at 2. She took a week to train & was reliable a week after her 2nd birthday. Night time, she was 3 and a half.

DD2 was 3 before she was potty trained reliably. She did get dry quicker at night, but she was also older...but in terms of age for night time dryness, they were about the same.

I am pretty sure a lot of those mums don't have dry toddlers at night. Night time dryness relies on a hormone being released by the body that signals the body to stop producing urine at night.

Usually happens around 3/4, sometimes later. So ALL those toddlers being dry - I don't believe it. I mean, it does happen that they are dry at night at the same time as during the day, but it is rare.

They are probably dry because mum/dad are lifting them in the middle of the night/not letting them drink a couple of hours before bed (unhealthy & doesn't encourage good bladder control)!

YABU to keep stopping and starting.

Wait until you and the child are ready and then stick with it.

You need to give it a minimum of two weeks and then if there is no progress at all and you feel like you've made an error you can think about putting them back in nappies. It's very, very rare to need to put them back into nappies ime (and I've potty trained a lot of children).

It's fine to keep them in nappies for a bit longer. It's fine to get them out as soon as they're physically able (my personal preference). The in/out/in/out, inconsistent nonsense is unreasonable though.

One really helpful thing we have noticed with doing it when DD is over 3 is that as her comprehension skills are better than they would have been at 2, say, we've been able to mix and match pants and pull-ups with very little confusion. She understands when we explain that pull-ups just help in case we're a long way from a toilet. She doesn't enormously like peeing in them, which is obviously good, but she has understood when we've explained the difference.

felt the same op, all these little ones all potty trained and mine still in a nappy but all of a sudden pretty much from nowhere it's done

Take your childs lead not following others.

trailing around after them with potties, accidents etc.

We waited till 3, and she got it within two weeks and two or three accidents if that? It just happened.

I know not all children are the same but with DS it was all so easy I can't understand why people push to train early

Yes unless nursery requires it, why .

You really can't understand why people potty train as soon as their child is able to? Nappies are expensive, unpleasant and bad for the environment.

It can't be that unusual to train at the same time day and night differentname, I know several friends who did at the same time we did (2.5ish). I know some children take longer to be dry at night and up til 7 even can be normal, but that's not to say many don't master it at the same time as day time dryness if given the opportunity.

My fun experience: we started training DD at 2.6, it took 14 months, with assistance from nursery. That's right, over a year. She probably wasn't ready early on, but she's our first so didn't have much information to go on, I've never known an experience like it. Thought she had it, then backwards for a few weeks, then great again, then constant accidents. For over a year.

She's not quite dry through the night yet and, do you know what? We're not pushing that particular line too hard. God, I hope DS is easier, else I might have a breakdown.

Moral: don't rush it, wait until they're ready. Or do what we did don't

Dd was 2.4 and I booked 2 weeks off work. I don't think people should rush it but I believe you need to commit, accept it won't be easy and give your child at least 3 days to have a crack at it. You have to both be healthy and feeling strong. I wanted dd to move up a room in nursery so this also motivated me. I think you need to commit Easter weekend to it , 4 whole days rather than giving up at first accident. Also get a potette.

You really can't understand why people potty train as soon as their child is able to?

And when is the child able? Some say you don't need nappies from a few months old, you can tune into when your baby needs to go, and hold them out over bushes or whatever is to hand. A new born can go on the potty..

I guess this is what you did BMO? Being so against nappies?

Because when are most children ready is is exactly what people are discussing. A child who has not got it pretty quickly is in my mind a child who isn't ready, so no to then keep pushing it, having numerous accidents, un pleasant for all those involved not least the child, is ridiculous.

Readiness is quite subjective as well. We trained DD late because we kept waiting for her to give some sign that she was ready. All the ones you read about - showing interest, asking for a clean nappy, asking to try a potty or toilet when someone else had used it - she didn't show any of them.

In the end we only started training her because everyone else was trained so we thought we ought to give it at least a few days.

With hindsight, ever since she was a baby DD has never given any of the standard cues for anything and there are so many things we've left till she was old because she never showed signs for it (like taking the side off the cot - kept waiting for her to climb out, she never did).

So working out "when they are able to" isn't always that straightforward.

When DS was ready he did it in a week of his own accord. It was just before 2 yrs.

The potties had been sitting around after a surge of interest in toileting at about 16mo that didn't last too long. He would go for a few stories but that was about it.

Then one day he just started using them. He didn't have many accidents except on outings in the first couple of weeks when we were getting the hang of going outdoors. When he did have an accident it would be about 2 hrs since he'd last gone or an hour after a big drink.

Maybe it would be a bit easier in Spring. Just leave him bare bum at Easter if it's warm enough.

My DS just turned 3 and has been potty training since Christmas. Does pretty well, but still have some wee accidents - not many but a few.

Tried it earlier in the September and he had no notion that he'd had an accident - he'd sit on his potty happily enough then get up and pee on the floor within 5 minutes or just pee his trousers when he was playing! So we left it and tried again later. If he gets really absorbed in something now, he sometimes does still have wee accidents, but he's getting there. I've not even tried at night yet - he still has a nappy for that and a pull up for nap time. He's happy, we're happy and nursery are happy, so I don't see a problem with that.

'And when is the child able?'

Between 2 and 2.6 in a normally developing child.

There is no harm in waiting longer, but I've yet to meet a normally developing child who cannot physically control their bladder/bowls at 2.6.

Pointing out that nappies are expensive and bad for the environment doesn't make someone 'against' nappies. Nor does it mean they've never used them. Don't lets be silly.

Some people prefer to get children out of nappies as soon as physically possible. That may be a different choice to the one that you've made knitted, but it's not ridiculous. I prefer a few weeks of 'training' and out of nappies at 2 to waiting until they're 3 and doing it in 2 days. Neither option will harm the child, both choices are fine.

I think that YABU to give up after one accident. I think that children need to have accidents to learn the feeling of doing a wee (when not in nappies) and they learn how to use the potty or toilet from there. My DC who were trained in 3, 4 and 2 days (DDs 1,2 and 3) had accidents constantly during the first day. The second day there was a big improvement. I would say if there is no progress after the second or third day then the child isn't ready.

What really worked for me other than a smartie for each wee on the potty was catching them mid wee and gently forcing them on to the potty to finish the wee. Even if there was just a drop in the potty I piled on the praise, made sure the child could see what they had done and then we did a celebration dance around the room. A bit OTT maybe but that first wee in the potty is really important

Usually happens around 3/4, sometimes later. So ALL those toddlers being dry - I don't believe it. I mean, it does happen that they are dry at night at the same time as during the day, but it is rare

They are probably dry because mum/dad are lifting them in the middle of the night/not letting them drink a couple of hours before bed (unhealthy & doesn't encourage good bladder control)!

In my small sample of 3 DC, 2 of them were dry at night as soon as they were trained through the day. I didn't ever lift them at night and I never restricted drinks at any time. In fact they always had water by their beds. One was 2.1 years and one was 19 months. The other one took a further 18 months to be dry at night and was 3.7 when it happened.

I prefer a few weeks of 'training' and out of nappies at 2 to waiting until they're 3 and doing it in 2 days. Neither option will harm the child, both choices are fine.

Yes either choice is fine if the child is responding.

I have seen two many children wet or poo themselves in front of people they don't know, que, harassed fussing Mum, embarrassed child. I would have said that child is not ready and if your going to do it, don't embarrass the poor child and fuss over it, and go on about asking the child and why didn't the child say he'she wanted to go...

Be light and airy about it...

Pointing out that nappies are expensive and bad for the environment doesn't make someone 'against' nappies

If someone is so passionate about this yes, I would expect them to put their money where their mouth it and not use them, there are alternatives.

Yes staronthetree, I think I get frustrated as he will wee on the potty by just sitting on it for a while, so he does know what to do. He will also sometimes say 'I weeing' when he's in a nappy, but whenever we do the 'talk' about trying to get to the potty he just forgets and gets absorbed in play. I think I took the 'if they're ready they'll just do it' a little bit too literally!

star your posts illustrates children come to this when they are ready each in their own time I dont see why parents need to force this on chilren who are not ready.

My second child is 2 and is showing signs of being in the zone, I will certainly try pt this spring summer when its warmer, but i will not force her.

And on the environmental level, I don't feel too bad about a few extra months in nappies as I used cloth for the whole first year :D

'If someone is so passionate about this yes, I would expect them to put their money where their mouth it and not use them, there are alternatives.'

This is what BMO said 'Nappies are expensive, unpleasant and bad for the environment.'

How does that translate as 'so passionate'?!

Nappies are expensive. They are bad for the environment. They can be unpleasant. These are facts. Acknowledging them doesn't make you 'so passionate' about the subject! I acknowledge all that to be true, I still use nappies.

I acknowledge that chocolate is not a healthy choice, I still eat it....

DD is 2.11 and we've been trying to potty train her since Christmas and it's going backwards. She now either holds poo all day until her nappy goes back on at night, or else she just does it in her pants/on the floor if she's naked. I'm getting v disheartened. She wees on the toilet or potty if you sit her on it, but if I didn't make her, she'd wet herself (and frequently does). I don't really know what to do about it now. Any bright ideas?

Gosh, you seem very passionate about delaying potty training Knitted!

Unfortunately waiting as long as possible in the hope a 3 year old will train themselves does not guarantee the process will be quicker or there will be no accidents either.

in the hope a 3 year old will train themselves

My 3 year did not train herself but of course explaining to a 3 year old about PT is much easier and quicker than a child of 2 who may not fully understand and keeps on wetting themselves.

No I am not passionate about it, I have just recently seen poor child, embarrassed, wet, Mum clucking round causing huge scene...just seemed pointless to me, saying " is has to be done it has to be done" I just question, why>? has someone made you embarrassed? whose time table are you marching too...

Its not delaying either, not delaying at all, just taking the lead from your child as to when they are ready, not being shamed into it and forcing it on them.