To think that immediate accidents = not ready for potty training?

[Mrscog]

I'm a member of a group of mums on Facebook, and lots of people seem to have young 2 year olds dry day and night. Now ignoring the night dryness because I can't envisage DS being ready for a while, am I being too lazy with potty training for the day?

So far we've bought big boy pants, and potties, he's worn the big boy pants to see what they feel like 'they feel nice mummy' and he will often sit on the potty to try and do something with about a 40% success rate (some wee some poo). However I've tried a few times since he was 2.9 to actually train him, and I've spent a couple of minutes saying 'ok DS, you're not wearing a nappy, if you feel the need to do a wee or a poo you need to sit on the potty and then you'll get a sticker' every time I've tried (probably about once a month when we have a clear weekend) within 30mins he's had an accident (even with me reminding him every 5-10 mins that if he needs to go he needs to go to the potty). He also seems oblivious and unbothered by the accidents.

Aibu to just abandon for a few weeks every time this happens? I don't really see the point in persevering if he has an immediate accident, alongside encouragement and reminders, especially as everyone says it's really easy if you leave it until they're ready. However, now I'm seeing how many much younger children are sorted I'm wondering if I'm being too hands off. He does get a sit on the potty everyday which he's enthusiastic about, so he is aware of it being an option, and when he poos now he does come and tell me and says he wants to do it on the potty, and then I explain that he needs to tell me before.

So am I lazy or sensible?! Losing all perspective due to peer influence!

Somehow it seems much more embarrassing and undignified for a poor 3 year old who understands to still be pooing themselves in a nappy or having accidents.

It always amazes me as a mum of adult children how things have changed in the last 25+ years. I don't remember any children after about 2.5 being in nappies - the nursery wouldn't take them! Everyone with children (unless any SN issues) got them trained during the day at around 2 - you gave up a few days and really nailed it with the aid of a potty, a packet of chocolate buttons for bribes and to make it less boring, got a friend with similar aged child round so you could do it together! Nighttime often took longer though.

The relief of not having smelly nappy buckets (no affordable disposals in those days) was a huge incentive to get them trained I can tell you. Yes, they still had the occasional accident if distracted but somehow it worked!

It does sound like he's probably not ready, don't stress about it too much.
I found that they recognised when they needed a wee better at first if they had a bare bum so if we were staying at home I'd leave them with no nappy or pants on and they were more aware.

I will also say that from my experience potty training a girl and a boy were two very different experiences. I know all children are different but I had a boy would quite happily sit in a dirty nappy all day if you let him, had little desire to be clean and tbh is just pretty lazy plus I think it took a while for him before I could recognise that he needed a wee before it came out.
My DD has always hated having a dirty nappy on, from being about 10 months old she used to take her own nappy off if it was getting soggy or she'd had a poo (a few messy situations!).
She potty trained herself at about 20 months, I'd just put nappies on her when we went in the car cos she couldn't hold it for long but she'd scream for me to pull over so she could go on the potty, refused to do it in her potty.
She's now 2&1/2 and just wears a pull up at night, she often gets up herself in the night, has a wee and gets back in bed.
DS on the other hand is 5&1/2 and still has no awareness whatsoever of needing a wee in the night, even before he's gone to sleep sometimes he wees in his pull up, clearly being wet doesn't bother him.

Two completely different children but I think the key is to take the child's lead and not get too worked up over it.

Also I think there is a difference between your DS letting some wee come out whilst sat on the potty and being able to recognise and feel when there is a wee coming, IYKWIM.

It sounds like he's not far off though, he'll get there soon enough x

Sorry refused to do it in her nappy

Thanks concretekitten he actually came and found me to tell me he'd pooed this morning, (he had) so I think he's close, and our use of the potty in the house is not in vain. If it's anything like his other developments he'll just do it overnight, but at the later end of normal.