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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so disapointed?

62 replies

wickedlazy · 14/02/2015 19:44

Dp asked me a week ago what I wanted him to make for dinner on valentines day. I told him I didn't care if it was frozen pizza or sandwiches, but could he please make it romantic, with a table cloth, place mats and candles. I kept reminding him through the course of the week. I've never had a dinner eaten at a fancy table. I did ask him several times should I pick some stuff up to no no I'll get it, stop badgering me about it.

Local pound shops (four of them in the shopping centre he works at) all sell: A table cloth £1, two pack place mats £1, pack of candles £1. They all have some lovely (all of the above) for valentines day going really cheap. Literally less than £5 for one of the two things I asked for (the other was a book).

I was going to get a bath, and dolled up while he made dinner, and wear a nice sexy outfit. Que me saying I was going to jump in the bath, and that I couldn't wait to see the table set up nice. He then asked what do you mean? He had completely forgotten (the last time I mentioned it was yesterday). He spent a fortune buying the good steak he likes, and sides and stuff. But forgot that I had asked over and over for a bit of romance.

We had a big fight and he said he can't believe how ungrateful I am, he got me flowers didn't he? He was going to make me dinner wasn't he? The flowers are lovely, but were bought in place of the other thing I asked for (the book which he couldn't get). They were an after thought.

Aibu or is it understandable that once again (he has form for it) he has not listened and that I am still nearly in tears with disappointment? I know this is a first world problem.

OP posts:
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2015 19:48

Oh, you're both probably in a bit wrong, can you have a cuddle and make up?

NamesNick · 14/02/2015 19:48

aww it's awful isnt it Sad
this was not your expectations letting you down on this occasion because you were very clear on what would make this special for you. .tis a shame he didn't step up.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/02/2015 19:49

I don't think yabu. Not because what he has(not) done is terrible in isolation but if it just another "slip of the mind" which fits his usual MO of being a bit thoughtless then I can see why you are upset by it.

My husband can be similar sometimes and it can on occasion, get a bit much. When you're not exactly asking for the moon it can be galling in the extreme when it is yet again, forgotten.

NamesNick · 14/02/2015 19:49

having said that. maybe if he has form then you should have set the table while he cooked...

try to salvage your evening Thanks

londonrach · 14/02/2015 19:50

Sorry dont understand he used pound shop to decorate the table to make it more romantic for you. If thats the case he done well.

ghostyslovesheep · 14/02/2015 19:50

Honestly - I think if you are spelling out exactly what 'spontaneous' gestures you want him to make you are missing the point and being unreasonable

don't build valentines day up into such a big deal - it's not it's just commercial bullshit

if however he is generally an uncaring twat badger who never makes an effort - LTB

WhatsGoingOnEh · 14/02/2015 19:52

I know why you're upset. He had a really easy, simple opportunity to make you happy, and he chose not to take it.

CanISayOfHerFace · 14/02/2015 19:55

I agree it is annoying that he didn't listen to you. He got you flowers and he's making you dinner though so that's nice. I would be very happy with that!

Did you do anything/get anything for your DH?

ghostyslovesheep · 14/02/2015 19:56

sorry my post sounded snippy - I'm sorry you are upset x I just never really got Valentines day xxx

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 14/02/2015 19:57

You're going to get many women on this thread saying they didn't even get a card like me but I do understand where you're coming from. You thought you were specific enough, he obviously had different priorities.

Whether Yabu or he is, no-one will win here. Suggest you scrap the idea and retreat to bed with candles, film & chocs. The night is young! And the kids are hopefully in bed.

NamesNick · 14/02/2015 20:02

I made dp a card. dp didn't get me one.

in fact dp hasn't even opened his card yet!!

TheHobbit · 14/02/2015 20:02

I know how you feel. My DP is similar. For my birthday I asked for a coffee cake (my favourite) and fish and chips for supper. Instead he got a normal old chocolate cake and for dinner Shock Donna Kebabs!!!! He also made me breakfast with sunny side eggs instead of over easy Sad! I was meant to be grateful that at least he got everything and put 35 candles on cake!! Normally I would be but its always about what he wants and forgets what I like! Its soul destroying though so YANBU at all!!

ahbollocks · 14/02/2015 20:14

I get it OP. You wanted to be spoiled.

And I dont get why men get to make a big flounce about making you dinner- I doubt you do they same everytime youfeed him?

Lorialet · 14/02/2015 20:17

What did you get for him then?

AlpacaPicnic · 14/02/2015 20:22

YANBU - and I'm the biggest cynic around. But you asked him to make it special, and not in a complicated way. You were very clear about what would make you happy and he couldn't be bothered to put any thought into it.

Londonrach - I think you've misunderstood. The ops partner didn't get the decorations even though they were available at a very reasonable price and within the shopping centre he worked at.

TheRealMaryMillington · 14/02/2015 20:29

Sorry I think YABU

It is just not very romantic to specify a set of requirements. You don't buy romance at the pound shop.

It's just meant to be a bit of fun, you know.

NamesNick · 14/02/2015 20:32

therealmary. I love that Grin

you don't buy romance at the poundshop....brilliant.

I cant wait to use that in RL

LadyLuck10 · 14/02/2015 20:32

The reminding him every day to get the table deco would have just put me off tbh.

AddToBasket · 14/02/2015 20:35

YANBU. You are just sad he isn't thoughtful. He sounds a bit of a tit, but then I don't know him.

How long have you been together?

Laquitar · 14/02/2015 20:48

What LadyLuck said.
It would put me off too.

OP you said that you never had a dinner at a fancy table.
Don't wait for others to fullfil your wishes. I know it is nice when your other half does nice things for you and i 'm all for birthdays, velentines day and surprises but at the same time if i fancy something very much i go and buy it. I always give treats to myself.
Go and buy the stuff and make your table fancy or if you can afford it book a restaurant. Life is too short.

squoosh · 14/02/2015 20:56

I feel sad for you that you've never eaten at a nice dinner table. I agree with Laquitar, buy yourself some nice table settings and sit at a fancy table every night.

UncleT · 14/02/2015 21:00

YANBU. It was a simple thing to make you happy, and he was told exactly what you really would have loved. It's rubbish of him not to bother.

Smoorikins · 14/02/2015 21:18

Op, how much effort did you put into making the day special for him? I don't see any.

So many people seem to think valentines day is all about the man spilling the woman. Surely it should be about doing nice things for each other?

If you didn't put in any sort for him (other than dressing...) then yabu IMO. Romance shouldn't be a one way street

Smoorikins · 14/02/2015 21:21

Actually - just reread the op and I've changed my mind! You offered, he refused, he didn't do it. Yanbu.

EatDessertFirst · 14/02/2015 21:29

The fact that you 'kept reminding him' and 'asked over and over' nagging him about the romance bit probably put a dampener on it for him TBH. I think its a bit petty really. He had already agreed to sort dinner.
I'm a Valentines bah-humbug though. I tell DP I love him everyday. I don't need pound shop tat to show it either. YABabitU. Sorry.