To be so disapointed?

[wickedlazy]

Dp asked me a week ago what I wanted him to make for dinner on valentines day. I told him I didn't care if it was frozen pizza or sandwiches, but could he please make it romantic, with a table cloth, place mats and candles. I kept reminding him through the course of the week. I've never had a dinner eaten at a fancy table. I did ask him several times should I pick some stuff up to no no I'll get it, stop badgering me about it.

Local pound shops (four of them in the shopping centre he works at) all sell: A table cloth £1, two pack place mats £1, pack of candles £1. They all have some lovely (all of the above) for valentines day going really cheap. Literally less than £5 for one of the two things I asked for (the other was a book).

I was going to get a bath, and dolled up while he made dinner, and wear a nice sexy outfit. Que me saying I was going to jump in the bath, and that I couldn't wait to see the table set up nice. He then asked what do you mean? He had completely forgotten (the last time I mentioned it was yesterday). He spent a fortune buying the good steak he likes, and sides and stuff. But forgot that I had asked over and over for a bit of romance.

We had a big fight and he said he can't believe how ungrateful I am, he got me flowers didn't he? He was going to make me dinner wasn't he? The flowers are lovely, but were bought in place of the other thing I asked for (the book which he couldn't get). They were an after thought.

Aibu or is it understandable that once again (he has form for it) he has not listened and that I am still nearly in tears with disappointment? I know this is a first world problem.

Queen that's actually not kind. Talking about getting a grip over this is all well and good, but you're apparently ignoring the fact that this is just the latest in a pattern of disappointment and crap behaviour, and would be the straw breaking a certain animal's back.

It gets really boring listening to people trying to impress how much they and their partner ignore Valentine's Day as if that has anything to do with the OP.

I was all ready to sapy YABU, but that was more because I'm just not that bothered about Valentines day. But on thinking about it a bit more I've changed my mind to YANBU, I'll equate it a bit to the fact my dh isn't bothered about his birthday, he couldn't care if it goes unnoticed. But I like to be spoilt a bit on mine, it took me a few years to make him understand it's wasn't about what he bought me but the thoughts that went into it. For example the gift being wrapped rather than given in a plastic bag, the card to have a few personal words in rather than just signed with his scribbled name. We've been together 12yrs and he's actually got really good at it over the years.

Serving me a well done steak though, that's pretty bad. This problem was fixed for us though when dh was served my medium rare steak in a restaurant, while I was given his well done one. After a few bites I commented that my steak was really dry and horrible. Mine's lovely he said, then I realised he had mine so made him swap back. He then agreed that rarer was much better.

After reading your list of gifts to him, I know why you're annoyed. You bought him a TONNE of thoughtful, engraved, personalised, romantic fripperies, and made a martyr of yourself by requesting only a Poundshop tablecloth in return. And a book, which he forgot to buy.

This is all wrong. You're buying HIM the kind of stuff you want him to buy YOU. There's no way on Earth he asked you to buy and fill out a Journal of Your Relationship, that's a woman's present, not a man's. And personalised gift-tags? Like he'd even notice!

You're putting all your effort in the wrong place. He doesn't want or need all this stuff you're giving him. He doesn't want you to feel resentful and disappointed and post on MN about how upset he's made you. He just wants to chew on overdone steak and have a quiet life. And also he really doesn't want daily reminders of how you're stoically only wanting Poundshop tat in return.

From now on, keep ALL your frippery-money for yourself. Buy your DC engraved things, or your mum, or your best friend. They'll apprecate them. You went way OTT with your presents to him - just the glass and a bottle of booze to go in it would've been perfect - so no wonder you're seething.

Forgot to say I had written quite a lot in the journal book, but hadn't finished it yet, but promised I would as soon as I could.

Honestly, I wouldn't be in any rush. And stop being doormatty, apologising for not writing enough! ARGH!

Why did you buy him 67,000 thoughtful and romantic Valentine's presents when you knew you'd get nothing in return? And expensive stuff too - crystal glass, silver Zippo... Why???

I don't think YABU. Ultimately you asked him for a book, a nice table setting and food that you liked and you got flowers because he didn't get his arse in gear for the book, he didn't listen to the table setting and a steak cooked how HE liked despite knowing you don't.

So basically he had the food he wanted and made minimal effort with everything else (does asking his mother to babysit for you BOTH count as big effort? I don't think so).

I'd be disappointed in your shoes. It's not about the table setting, it's about someone telling you they are planning the special thing you've made effort for and then they don't actually bother with any of the bits you want.

It may be boring to you squoosh but there's at least two threads going where the women in a relationship have fallen out with their partners tonight because of things not going their way. Over stuff that would end up in the bin.

yes he was an idiot. I don't know why so many people think it is so wrong a woman wants to be romanced for a day.

"I don't want to be told when to be romantic blah blah " yes but when people don't embrace valentines day some people NEVER get romanced. x x

I made dh Mexican food (his favourite) he got a card.

We don't do valentines day usually.

He wrote my name in his card. Cheeky.

But this morning he's up made me breakfast and is cleaning while I mn watch tv and doss about.

YANBU it's nothing to do with valentines day or being spontaneous you clearly told him that something was important to you. It wouldn't have been difficult for him to do do this, instead he concentrated on the bits that were important to him and didn't bother with your simple request. Does he usually do this?

I would try and salvage things by being clear with him that this was important to you and maybe try again for a romantic evening on a different night. Maybe you could offer to cook dinner or just have frozen pizza but insist he does the table nicely.

That way you're not prolonging the argument and you're giving him a chance to rectify it. While letting him know that he can't just ignore or not bother to remember the things you ask him for.

As said upthread, if he is consistency thoughtless and inconsiderate that's another thing, but if you want to tackle that for heaven's sake keep it separate to valentine's day or he will think you are genuinely upset about a poundland tablecloth (and rightly, dismiss it) when the issue is something more significant.

At some point too, you have to understand that all this Valentine's stuff is just bollocks, really (like New Year's Eve and Mother's Day, each of which trigger a rash of people complaining that their Oh's didn't read their mind and obviously don't love them enough because they didn't send a card from their unborn baby etc). Maybe his cherishing of you comes in other, more meaningful ways?