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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some "me time" with a 6 month old

80 replies

vikinginvasion · 13/02/2015 11:05

DD is about to turn 6 months and I'm finding myself becoming resentful at never having any time to myself. DH works full time and I feel like he just leaves me to do everything for DD. AIBU to ask for some time just to myself?

OP posts:
echt · 13/02/2015 11:14

I'm assuming you are on MT. By 6m our DD was fine, but earlier I would just pop her into DH's arms because I had had enough. He would walk her up and down while I chilled. He worked FT. And cooked every meal.

Time to yourself is good. No, essential.

Your "D"H is not stepping up.

Jackieharris · 13/02/2015 11:14

Don't ask.

He must have some days off- the weekend?

Get up and dressed, hand him his child and say you are off out for a few hours.

ScrumpyBetty · 13/02/2015 11:16

Absolutely not, you should be able to have some time for you.
Even if DH is working FT he must appreciate that you are too- having a 6 month baby is full time work!
Can you ask DH to take your 6month old for one morning every weekend, so you can have a lie in, a bath, read a book,whatever. My DH works full time and does this, and it makes the world of difference to me to have this time to myself every week.

HedgehogsDontBite · 13/02/2015 11:18

YANBU

You need it for your sanity. At least I know I do. Thankfully for me my DH is brilliant and doesn't see looking after his son as a chore so I get loads of time to myself at the weekends. (I do everything in the week)

leedy · 13/02/2015 11:18

You are not BU at all. I absolutely needed "me time" for my own sanity when both my boys were small, even if it was just something small like going for a swim or a coffee by myself. Even when they were very little and EBF I was able to go swimming while they napped and my mum or DP looked after them.

a) Your DH may be working full time but that doesn't mean he can't do some baby care. This weekend, or this evening, feed baby, hand baby over, go and do something else for a bit.
b) When he's not there, will your DD nap in a buggy? I found going out for a walk to get baby to conk out and then sitting back in a cafe for half an hour with cake and a coffee was great for recharging the batteries.

GreenPetal94 · 13/02/2015 11:21

I think it is easiest to arrange with dh that you plan to go out to the gym, shopping, café with magazine, evening out with pals.

I joined evening classes when mine were tiny. Silver jewellery making, I was rubbish at it but it was the best evening of the week. The timing of the class meant when dh got in I had to dart out.

NickyEds · 13/02/2015 11:32

YABU to "ask". You need to tell him that it's happening. It can be very stressful taking care of a little baby and you need time time to yourself. I'm a SAHM and when I was working I worked largely alone at home. Ds is 14 months now and I can feel myself going slightly nuts if I don't get some time alone. DP has got much better at understanding this recently (after a fairly major meltdown from me at Christmas Sad) and now takes ds to soft play and for some lunch to give me a few hours every weekend-he loves it now. It really makes all the difference.

Don't let him pull any "I work all week" crap either. I don't imagine you're sitting in a bath eating truffles all day, unless you're doing something really right that I'm doing really wrongSmile!

cailindana · 13/02/2015 11:35

Of course YANBU. Doesn't your DH want to be a father? Or is he just a disinterested observer in his DD's life?

Original poster
vikinginvasion · 13/02/2015 11:40

thank you, really good to hear some support! I am on mat leave so I think maybe he sees it as my job to care for Dd at the moment but I really feel exhausted and sometimes have no energy to look after Dd.

I've tried just handing her over a couple of times but he often just hands her back after a short while or whenever she starts to cry. I'm meant to be going to a work social event tonight for a few hours and he has reluctantly agreed to look after Dd for me.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 13/02/2015 11:44

for me

There is no for me when you both decide to become parents.

He needs to step up. Soon. You need one of the weekend nights "off duty" so from, say 6pm friday til 10am Saturday he is in charge of DD. Completely. Then he needs to do some stuff each day - a feed, a bum change, a bath. Whatever. He is copping out.

PotteringAlong · 13/02/2015 11:49

He's not looking after her for you! He's just looking after her! He needs a bit of a reality check.

I'm on maternity leave - we have a 3 year old and a 5 month old who is EBF. I go to aquaZumba once a week, purely because it's 8-9 and I'm fairly certain they will both be asleep.

DH asks me at least once a week if I want to go out for a bit of time. I normally say no but I know I can whenever I want to / need to.

cailindana · 13/02/2015 11:49

You need to have a sharp talk with him viking. If nothing else, he is denying himself the chance to develop a proper relationship with his baby. Unless he gets right in there and just does the caring he'll never get the hang of it and he'll totally lose out on that parental connection - I've seen it happen with so many fathers.

He needs to stop hanging back, now, and get on with it.

Original poster
vikinginvasion · 13/02/2015 11:50

I should add I don't think he's disinterested in DD but he doesn't really know what to do with her or is perhaps scared of being on his own with her.

His idea of giving me a break is taking us all to his mum's for the weekend (so she can help instead!!)

OP posts:
lornathewizzard · 13/02/2015 11:50

For sure, whilst he's at work it is your job to look after DD. But when he's at home it should be both your responsibility. Hopefully you do go out tonight and that can lead on to other things. He should be pulling his weight.

I go out to fitness classes a few times a week, me time and makes me feel better too!

cailindana · 13/02/2015 11:54

It's fine for him to feel a bit uncertain, but it might be worth reminding him that you were uncertain too when you started but you had no choice but to get on with it. He needs to do the same thing.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 11:54

Hand her over a go out the house. and leg it

DP was the same when we had dd. it resulted in me asking him to move out so I would at least get two whole days/nights to myself. It shocked him and he does it fair share now with promting at times. He also takes dd out on a Saturday to soft play/walk so I can do what I like.

His dad and mum are actually very sexist and used to make the situation worse. Kick back and don't be a mug.

Smallcogbigwheel · 13/02/2015 11:56

look after her FOR you

Stamp on that right now

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 13/02/2015 11:58

Turn your phone off tonight. And stay out an extra hour longer than you had planned.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 13/02/2015 12:00

He looks after DD for you?Um..no. He's her father it's called parenting.

He should be looking after her when he's at home as much as you are.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 13/02/2015 12:00

My tip is to pass him his child and then do something that means you can't possibly take the baby (bath/cooking/leave the house) if he tries to give the baby to you just say you can't possibly take her and give him an idea of something to try (walk up and down/sing to her/change nappy.)

Your dp sounds a bit selfish, in our family dp works full time and I stay at home with the kids, the evenings and weekend's we share parenting responsibilities.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 13/02/2015 12:02

ooooh get out of saying that. He isn't looking after her for you. Dads don't babysit they parent.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 13/02/2015 12:03

Exactly. Dads do not babysit their own children.

TruJay · 13/02/2015 12:04

"I'm meant to be going to a work social event tonight for a few hours and he has reluctantly agreed to look after Dd for me."

Exactly what thinkivebeenhacked said, there is no 'for me' he isn't a babysitter he's your DDs father.
Get your glad rags on and head out to your work do and enjoy yourself. We all need some down time, you will be nice and fresh after some 'me' time.
Have fun tonight Smile

Notrevealingmyidentity · 13/02/2015 12:06

Just hand him baby and go out. Preferably for a while morning/afternoon and evening.

Don't give him chance to be reluctant.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 13/02/2015 12:08

So he's reluctantly agreed to look after his own child?