Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want some "me time" with a 6 month old

80 replies

vikinginvasion · 13/02/2015 11:05

DD is about to turn 6 months and I'm finding myself becoming resentful at never having any time to myself. DH works full time and I feel like he just leaves me to do everything for DD. AIBU to ask for some time just to myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
vikinginvasion · 13/02/2015 12:22

sadly yes. it sounds even worse written down than i thought!

i feel like i have to ask permission for everything that i want to do. it sucks

OP posts:
lentilpot · 13/02/2015 12:26

If you genuinely believe it's a confidence issue start with things while you are in the house - a bath, a lie in, cooking dinner s-I-ow-l-y. My DH now cherishes his time alone with our six month old but i definitely had to give him the space to get used to it. y

lentilpot · 13/02/2015 12:28

Ps. The advantage of a bath is if the baby cries you can just put your ears under the water and you won't hear her! This helps it really feel like "me time" if you can't physically get out of ear shot. Wink

stopgap · 13/02/2015 12:39

My husband is gone from 8am to 8pm every day. We don't live near family (overseas) and I'm a SAHM to a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old. Eldest has mild autism, I have an autoimmune condition that flares. Anyway, I have a sitter almost every day, and go out to he gym or walk the dogs while she covers nap time. Those 90 minutes are absolutely essential to my well functioning and enthusiasm.

Esssss · 13/02/2015 12:42

YABU! I was going crazy by 3 months and I joined a choir so I had one evening a week where I got a couple of hours doing something completely unrelated to babies! It was the best thing I could have done. Dh would rush home from work to let me go....it's so important to get out, do something for yourself.

Esssss · 13/02/2015 12:42

Argh meant to write YANBU! Sorry!

DoJo · 13/02/2015 12:53

In fairness, I think a lot of working parents feel as though they just don't know what to do with babies when they get home as the primary carer is SO much more attuned to their needs and seems so much more capable. It can be overwhelming to go from only caring for a baby while their primary carer is within earshot to doing it alone, so perhaps he is apprehensive.

I know plenty of parents (not just fathers I hasten to add!) who genuinely believe that the primary carer has some kind of special skill or understanding of what their baby needs when they cry. Because they don't see a day's worth of trial and error they think you just arrive at the solution to their moaning by intuition, rather than a day's worth of elimination!

AntiHop · 13/02/2015 13:10

Yanbu. My dd is 5 months old. When my dp is not working he is very hands on with the child care. He has been from the start. Therefore he's confident I'm his skills. Your dh definitely needs to step up. But he needs to learn those skills to be able to do that. You'll need to share your knowledge with him eg what she enjoys, how to comfort her.

toffeeboffin · 13/02/2015 13:43

No, YANBU. Go out alone and have a coffee, pedicure, see a movie, take a walk etc.

You need it!

toffeeboffin · 13/02/2015 13:45

P. S. I think it's important to leave the house, if you stay in too you will just not switch off.

QTPie · 13/02/2015 13:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

QTPie · 13/02/2015 14:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 13/02/2015 14:01

He needs to get over The Fear and pronto.

Are you BF? If not just go out for a half day at the weekend and leave him to it.

DidThatJustHappen · 13/02/2015 14:22

One other though... If he has never looked after his baby for any length of time he might not realise what a tough job it is... So a side benefit of giving him a little extra time will be that he realises it is VERY hard work and the equivalent of a full time job. In fact I reckon it's harder... I'm going back to work soon and looking forward to the break!!

coppertop · 13/02/2015 14:24

Your dh can't have it both ways.

If he thinks he can't look after his own child because it's too hard, then he has to accept that it is also hard work for you. You therefore need regular breaks from it all.

If he thinks you don't need a break because childcare is so easy, then he should have no trouble whatsoever in taking over some of that childcare himself.

The only way he is going to learn how to do this stuff is through lots of practice. You weren't born with a 'Changing Crappy Nappies' gene or one that magically translates babies' cries into words. You learned by getting on with it.

If he tries the "She wants you" trick then respond with "No, she wants a parent. You'll do."

MrsMook · 13/02/2015 14:36

At about 4-5 months I felt well enough to begin aquafit (SPD was finally settling down). The class was at a time that he was comfortably in from work, and between feeds. There was milk in the freezer, but I have a knack of producing bottle refusers. Yes, getting out is essential for your well being. I've taken up running for some quiet time on my own.

If / when you return to work, he will need to be more involved, and he needs the good habits ASAP.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 13/02/2015 14:39

Thing is, it's ok to not feel confidant but she's 6 months old. None of us know what we're doing when our DC are first born and we all muddle through and hope for the best. It's not an excuse to not bother.

My DH comes home, baths the DC and does bedtime. I came down this morning to find he'd got them both dressed and sorted bottles and done nappy changes. Isn't that just normal? It's just parenting. I've got a six month old too btw.

Why do some men have kids if they shun all responsibility of looking after them?

Rainbowshine · 13/02/2015 14:50

If it helps I adop the attitude that I was on maternity leave for the hours I would normally have been at work. So in that time yes I was responsible for looking after DS. The Rest of the time DH and I had to divide between us, including house stuff like cleaning cooking etc. if you don't nip this in the bud now it will only cause resentment - being a dad isn't about bringing home the money it's about caring for your child. YANBU.

Rainbowshine · 13/02/2015 14:59

*adopted (curses clumsy fingers)

Original poster
vikinginvasion · 13/02/2015 19:13

thanks again for all the support. i went to my work night out but now in a taxi on the way home as i got a voicemail from DH which was Dd crying frantically and I now can't get hold of him and feel awful that Dd is crying.

Ugh. I am BFing but fed her 3 hrs ago before I left and she can manage at least that long without milk plus she should have had some food at 6.

OP posts:
Notrevealingmyidentity · 13/02/2015 19:27

He just sent you a voicemail of your daughter crying ?!

coppertop · 13/02/2015 19:27

That voice mail was just another version of the "But she wants you!" tactic that I mentioned earlier.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 13/02/2015 19:28

What a cock. He really doesn't want you to have any time to yourself or to look after his own kid does he ?

coppertop · 13/02/2015 19:29

And being out of contact with you is the tactic to ensure that you have to go home in order to assess the situation.

Extremely manipulative.

MayLuke83 · 13/02/2015 19:29

Viking I could have written this OP :( My baby is almost six months and my partner complains that he can't come in from work anymore and just 'fath about' as I expect him to take baby! I'm usually exhausted, needing the loo or trying desperately to make dinner! I've recently become stronger and one night a week I go visit my sister for a few hours, I also ask him to go visit his parents once a week alone with the baby so I can get a nap (and a break from overbearing MIL!). It makes such a difference. Good luck.