To feel incredibly angry that because my sibling lives abroad I am left alone to deal with all the support for our parents

[outtolunchagain]

I know I am really , he is perfectly entitled to do the best he can for his family , they have a good life out there and I'm really happy for them. There is absolutely no prospect of them coming home ever .

But I feel so alone and vulnerable , our parents are divorced , one happily married with new partner and my step siblings are very supportive so not to worried there.The other is about to be widowed and lives at least a 7 hour drive away, we have a fraught relationship at the best of times .It feels like a train rushing towards me .

Brother says all the right things but realistically is a 16 hour flight away, not feasible to come home to go to a Drs appointment or visit the lawyer or organise the tyres or MOT on her car.

It would help if he appeared to understand the problem , it's all very well to say he'll be there in an emergency but I don't need him there in an emergency I need him there regularly

SIL by the way comes from a third country even further away than us and I suspect her brother feels the same as me

Sorry this was a rant but I feel so scared of what's coming , I also have a job a workaholic DH and three children one with extra needs , admittedly all teenagers one older than that now but still needing support

He

'the everyday panics will be down to me'

You live a DAY'S TRAVEL AWAY. Just like your bro does, effectively.

You cannot manage everyday panics.

I think the way forward is to accept this and try and make alternative arrangements - unless it is an emergency, your help will have to come in the form of phonecalls etc. - not racing to be there.

It is not workable, it's not healthy for you, it does not provide easy failsafe solutions.

Who knows if it will come to this but we are the only family for mil with dementia so couldn't help her 7 hours away. She moved close to us which made it intense but manageable. Agree though that in practical terms you are not that much closer than your brother.

Runnyhunny I have never said that to my sister, it's still a long way off, but we have never had that conversation and I don't see why we would. If you are so resentful, why not discuss it with him?

I really do feel for you because I know the guilt of knowing that you aren't doing enough for elderly mother, at least in her eyes.
But with respect, I think you have to toughen up and put your needs first. Realistically you aren't in a situation yet of lots of care being needed, so you aren't leaving her in physical need, more emotional need. And your emotional needs are equally important.
I would really advise you to go talk to a counselor who can help you work through your guilt, your brother and mothers expectations, and what is healthy for you to take on.

LadyCassandra because I am 100% sure he would simply say "what do you expect me to do from here?" They don't have much money so Dh pays for their flights on the isolated times they've agreed to visit my parents. I'm resentful because he's very much under his wife's thumb and it's all about keeping her happy- not his parents who really did sacrifice so much for him.

I was in a very similar position, although DSis lives in the UK and just decided she was too busy to help out. I did everything for years, then she rocks up to DM funeral with the sun shining out of her ass. I did everything then too; clearing house, sorting probate, settling bills. It boils my piss now just to think about it all. And from what I gather, many families experience the same. One sibling does everything but the other sibling is the fucking hero.