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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry that 50 shades will lead to more sexual violence

118 replies

magrate · 12/02/2015 09:40

I haven't read the whole book, did find it poorly written and comical. However s and m in something so mainstream just doesn't sit right with me. Seems a step backwards.

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/02/2015 12:50

But he did give her the contract to look over, he did suggest she go away and do her own research. He did discourage her altogether in the beginning! She signed therefore she gave consent. But even then he always told her she could say no, safe word, whatever. She had ultimate control.

He suggested something she found exciting, he didn't coerce or force or nag her into it. He didn't make her feel bad if she didn't want to do it, he simply said that's what was on offer from him, and if she didn't want it then that was that. It was up to her. It's not as if he was the only man available.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/02/2015 12:51

Yes, I know, I was just reminiscing really. Smile

Purplepumpkins · 12/02/2015 12:54

It's not sexual violence, he has her sogn a contract, and he lets her vito stuff she is uncomfortable with and if she says stop he stops!

It's so badly written it's actually very good!

GingerLDN · 12/02/2015 13:11

We watch all kinds of things in this house, very rare if ever we act it out. If someone wants a bit of S&M in the bedroom, good for them if it's consensual. I actually don't think there is anything to worry about there.

Brandysnapper · 12/02/2015 14:28

Purplepumpkin that just isn't true (and yes sadly I have read the book(s) - once I've bought something I read it!) The ending of the whole thing (whips and baby should never be in the same sentence) was the worst bit of all I think, and he's supposed to be "freed" at this point.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 15:18

pineapple I agree not all sex has to be tender and loving - ok , but it shouldn't leave you crying either.

Why did he have to undress her when she was passed out though? What right did he have to do that? Where was her consent for that?

Regarding sexual education in school. It absolutly could be better. Being a 16 year old mother I couldn't champion it more. If you don't like the book and what it stands for certainly doesn't mean your a prude that wants to hide sex.

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 15:20

I never said it should leave you crying or call anyone a prude.
I can't fully remember all the parts of that scene but I know she was drunk and had thrown up so it's possible she threw up on her clothes. That's a speculation though as I can't remember fully

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 15:23

And I don't think BDSM or fetish should be discussed or explored in school as young inquisitive minds would not be responsible or mature enough to deal with the consequences of it. I think that would be a step to far.

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 15:25

“After you passed out, I didn’t want to risk the leather upholstery in my car taking you all the way to your apartment. So I brought you here,” he says phlegmatically.
“Did you put me to bed?”
“Yes.” His face is impassive.
“Did I throw up again?” My voice is quieter.
“No.”
“Did you undress me?” I whisper.
“Yes.”

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 15:27

To be honest where you see billionaire handsome hero I just see abudive messed up creep.

Different strokes for different folk and all that ...

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 15:34

I didn't say hero I said I couldn't remember but she had thrown up once so it is possible she got it all over her clothes.
I think fetishism and bdsm should be explored or at least talked about with 16 year old or at least teachers should know enough to answer any questions they may have

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 15:40

Just read that section she got vomit on her clothes and he sent for them to be cleaned. Yes it's unusual but not rape and not really abusive. Would it be okay if a girl had done it?

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 15:53

She also never cried after sex and never because of the sex or what he has done. She is crying because of wanting him but afraid of the.pain. She crystal after the spanking with belt but she asked him to do the worst he would to her to see if she could take it. She decides she can't and leaves him. He never rapes her abuses her or forces her

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 15:56

It's not rape but she didn't consent to have them taken off. He shouldn't have crossed that boundry. If one of my children or I had been some where - where they had passed out and woke up undressed I'm sure the police would be interested in a possible sexual assault.

It's not unusual its violating her privacy.

And tbh regarding a girl undressing her the point is the same. It's really not ok to undress some one when they are passed out or unable to give consent

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 15:58

That's fine I'm just happy you said it wasn't okay for a girl to do it either. Yes in reality he should have either taken her home or to the hotel room but left her their with a note

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 15:59
  • there not their
Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 16:11

Have a look at this link pineapple it's a bit wordy but a good view on it here

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 16:14

Yes he's a stalker and obsessive yes but when she leaves at the end of the first book he doesn't contact her for months. She is a strong woman who does tell him where to stick it and does tell him when he has gone to far and she does take control back for herself.

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 16:17

As for the isolation on that link asking or telling her not to discuss their sex lives is not a big ask really that's his own privacy right

MightyMightyToros · 12/02/2015 16:49

Haha Queen you've made me laugh at how silly you've come across on this thread.

I've never read the book and it seems like you haven't either.

The fact that you made up fisting and angry anal sex is very odd.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/02/2015 16:58

I think (to play devils advocate maybe) Liz might've read the list of hard and soft limits in the contract, maybe she was a bit horrified and didn't read much further, assuming it was a list of things which would be worked through in the course of the books.

I don't think the books would as popular if it really was fisting and angry bumsex. Well, you'd hope! Grin

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 17:02

It would definitely be a different kind of novel if it was included. I would love to see how you could make fisting and angry anal sounds sexy and appealing

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 17:15

ah mighty I'm glad I have you a chuckle Grin

Fisting was on the contract . I never said fisting happened in the book. Regarding the anal I apologised as I did get that wrong. But he did have angry sex with her. I

I find it a bit 'odd' you have took tiny bits out of my all my posts to mock. Have you read my posts or did you just skim the whole thread in the sniff of a bun fight? Ah bless ya!

james I read up to the part where he leaves her in her room upset after the angry sex? I found it Unpleasent and didn't really want to continue in the hope of discovering CG was just a messed up man child that needs saving.

BUT I of think CG is very Edward Cullen...

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 17:21

I think what makes the book so popular despite the awful use of language is the magnetic can't get enough attraction. That's the attraction I had at the beginning of my relationship to dh which since having kids and living together has sort of fizzled out now. Also I like the lure of the dark bad guy always kind of have but that's not the same for everyone

Queenlizandabottleofgin · 12/02/2015 17:23

pineapple I think you may be right - along with the media build up and shagable bloke

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