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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry that 50 shades will lead to more sexual violence

118 replies

magrate · 12/02/2015 09:40

I haven't read the whole book, did find it poorly written and comical. However s and m in something so mainstream just doesn't sit right with me. Seems a step backwards.

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:12

it is okay to enjoy rough sex

Its a very important message that. No one seems to realize how important it is. You wouldn't get that message from anywhere else in society, not from songs, not from porn, no.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:14

Vanilla has been around since the 70's I reckon.

I haven't heard tepid vanilla before though.

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:14

I understand it wasn't the first and yes there is plenty out there but it should be more mainstream and not seen as seedy and wrong. Even just an actual sex scene in a normal novel instead of ' stayed the night' or 'i woke up next to him' make sex normal instead of seedy and hidden

Owllady · 12/02/2015 12:15

Oh not the 70s

I've obviously lived in a cave. The first time I'd heard of it was when I drove the A1

NancyRaygun · 12/02/2015 12:15

50 Shades of Grey Thread - Digested Read

  • It's a badly written book that normalises sexual violence!
  • I am more concerned with the terrible writing and his controlling nature rather than the BDSM.
  • Have you actually read the book?
  • I don't need to read the book to know that it is abusive.
  • Where in the book is he abusive?
  • I don't know I haven't read the book.
  • I call whipping abusive.
  • My DH and I use whips as part of a safe and loving relationship.
  • Your DH is abusing you. Rape fantasies and bondage are dangerous.
  • You do not understand BDSM.
  • I don't need to understand BDSM to see it can be abusive, I don't need to experience incest to see that incest is wrong.
  • Who mentioned incest! BDSM has nothing to do with incest!
  • I call forcing your lover to have sex abuse and rape!
  • Where in the book does that happen?
  • I haven't read the book.

CONTINUE AD INFINITUM

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:17

There is plenty of sex in novels, good, bad, funny sex.

Who thinks sex should be seedy and hidden?

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:17

Hey Nancy don't spoil the thread we were discussing literature as well lol Wink

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:19

Society unfortunately one mention of teaching relationships to children in school and people get angry. Discussing actual sex in sex ed not just pregnancy and body parts and parents would be fuming. To discuss bdsm and fetishism in high schools would be outrageous so yes we try to hide from all kinds of sex

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:19

I read the book. It's crap.

I still am surprised at people who love the book though, every time.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:20

Well thank goodness we've got 50 shades of grey to help everybody learn what a healthy sexual relationship looks like then. Confused

Owllady · 12/02/2015 12:22

That's rubbish pineapples, my teenage sons phse lessons involve talking about feelings as well as the mechanics of sex. I'm not angry, I'm not aware other parents are either Confused
I'm often surprised how open he is about sex and I do think that's down to school.
Having consensual sex is normal and fun and I'm glad as a teenager he's aware of that

I don't know why I'm on this thread, I haven't read the book and I won't be seeing the film

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:25

I never said 50 shade showed a healthy relationship John. Well maybe sex ed has moved on since I last checked but as a country we are not as open as we could be

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/02/2015 12:27

Grin Nancy

But the self righteous frothing interspersed with "well, no I haven't actually read the book" is just so funny!

Owllady · 12/02/2015 12:28

Do you know any teenagers?
Mine has come home from school bragging to me that he's put condoms on a dildo and had to demonstrate to the class
He's also done a presentation in biology about hiv and its transmission

I'd have been mortified standing in front of a class and talking about sex and stds etc. It really doesn't seem to bother him or his friends. It's refreshing really

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:30

Yes it is James people should read make an informed decision then state a point not make assumptions with no backup. The book is poorly written with cringey bits I read all three and will watch the films. I won't suddenly leave my husband and find an obsessive stalker for a bf though

Owllady · 12/02/2015 12:30

I'd be mortified as a teenager doing that I meant, actually it's not something I'd look forward to now if I'm honest :o

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:31

Yes I know teenagers and they don't do that where I live. It may be you have a really good school but the at the education level is obviously not consistent because we don't have it where I am

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:32

That's cool, I'm glad you see 50 shades as portraying an unhealthy relationship dressed up to look like love or passion too.

Then we agree!

Openness about sex is another issue. And I agree we have some way to go with that.

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:33

If 50 shades was the normal relationship then I missed something along the way. I don't think it will create more violent behaviours or damage as you would have to be predisposed to that sort of behaviour first and if all it took was one book or one film surely all parents have failed somewhere

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:36

I won't suddenly leave my husband and find an obsessive stalker for a bf though

But no one is saying that. They are saying we have clear problems with consent in our culture right now - with over half of young women being coerced into sex acts - the fifty shades craze won't help at all.

borisgudanov · 12/02/2015 12:37

The only violence it will lead to is rioting when people object to being made to fork out real money to see such utter shite.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/02/2015 12:38

Sigh.

No one is saying it will turn people into rapists either.

pineappleshortbread · 12/02/2015 12:40

But that won't change and 50 shades won't make much of a difference either. Unfortunately no matter how hard we try to change something it can never be changed because human nature is diverse and there will always be these people that do horrible things

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 12/02/2015 12:40

We did that in school some, gosh, 18 years ago owllady. We used a banana not a dildo though.

I wonder if power play has always appealed to a proportion of the population, or if it's just as a result of/reaction to modern life? I'm guessing it appeals to a lot of mothers because we make decisions all fecking day and it would be nice not to have to in bed too.

Owllady · 12/02/2015 12:45

James, I was responding to the poster who was complaining about lack or incorrect teaching of sexual education in schools.