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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this girl on the bus was beyond rude and selfish

87 replies

Behindthepaintedgarden · 10/02/2015 14:10

I was on the bus this morning going to work. The bus was crowded with people standing. I stood up to give a heavily pregnant woman my seat and a girl of about 20 plonked herself down immediately. I said 'sorry, I was actually standing up so that lady could sit down' pointing to the pregnant woman. The girl just shrugged her shoulders and remained sitting. Short of making a scene there was nothing I could do. Someone else stood up for the pregnant woman and I remained standing while madam made herself comfy in the seat that had been mine.

AIBU to still want to strangle the selfish brat?

OP posts:
InQuiteAPickle · 10/02/2015 15:37

I don't think that pregnant automatically means "needs/is entitled to/should get" a seat to the exclusion of others.

The OP kindly offered up her seat. The pregnant woman didn't demand it. If I was on a full bus and a pregnant woman got on, I would offer my seat. Having a baby in there feels heavy, your hips ache and you aren't able to stand as long as able bodied people.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/02/2015 15:43

"Having a baby in there feels heavy, your hips ache and you aren't able to stand as long as able bodied people."

Pregnancy isn't a disability, poor choice of words.

I totally accept she may well have been a selfish cow and I knew I'd get a kicking for mentioning invisible disabilities, it's just when you do have one, it's the first thing you automatically think of! I like to think the best of people, can't remember the exact quote, but something like.. the triumph of hope over experience?

YouTheCat · 10/02/2015 15:46

When I was first pregnant (with twins) I fainted a lot. But if I'd been in need of a seat I would have asked and said I felt faint and hoped that someone would have scraped me off the floor if a seat wasn't available.

Mammanat222 · 10/02/2015 15:50

When I was heavily pregnant I did expect a seat on the bus. If there were no seats I expected at least one person would be kind enough to offer me their seat. Bite me.

InQuiteAPickle · 10/02/2015 15:51

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that pregnancy was a disability. I meant non-pregnant people but forgot my words.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 10/02/2015 15:52

Yeah I felt utterly wretched when I was in the early stages of my twin pregnancy (probably worse than 3rd trimester, actually)... however I still say 90% chance she was a selfish arse!

HesterShaw · 10/02/2015 15:54

As soon as someone posts about something someone did which was manifestly and inarguably and terribly rude and unreasonably on AIBU you will have people seeking to make excuses for them, for some weird reason. "But maybe...have you thought...had it crossed your mind....she might have been having her thoughts invaded by aliens? Well, had you?"

If she did have a hidden disability all she had to do was say.

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 10/02/2015 15:55

Pickle, unless otherwise afflicted being pregnant doesn't make you different to other "able bodied people". It isn't a disability. Every pregnancy is different. Mine didn't cause my hips to ache or for me to be unable to stand for as long as any other healthy non pregnant person. The assumption that a seat's needed just because the woman is pregnant is an odd place to start from in my view.

ShirleyYoureNotSerious · 10/02/2015 15:56

Sorry Pickle, we cross posted.

Original poster
Behindthepaintedgarden · 10/02/2015 15:57

I've calmed down a bit and am hoping that she acted thoughtlessly and when she realised what she'd done was embarrassed and tried to hide it behind a defiant shrug.
Hopefully next time she's on a bus she'll actually look around her when a seat becomes free to make sure there isn't anyone who obviously needs it more than her.

OP posts:
Samcro · 10/02/2015 15:59

people should never have to say they have a disablilty

InQuiteAPickle · 10/02/2015 16:00

If she had an invisible disability/was in early stages of pregnancy and wasn't feeling well then why not just say "I'm really sorry, I really need this seat. I'm not feeling well." No need to even give a detailed explanation. I'd much rather explain why I needed a seat than people think I was a twat.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 10/02/2015 16:23

I hardly went anywhere when I was heavily pregnant. I was a vile bad tempered cuntbag who was best avoided by everyone Grin

I was pissed off when not one person offered my dd a seat when she was on crutches one time. Happy to let her stand and balance. Tossers!

YouTheCat · 10/02/2015 16:29

I remember nearing the end of previously mentioned twin pregnancy. I was on a busy bus, going to a 35 week scan/midwife appointment and quite clearly huge and struggling and not one of those twats offered me a seat.

I didn't die. I did mutter a lot though.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 10/02/2015 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

laughingmyarseoff · 10/02/2015 16:59

YADNBU, I'd have sat on her.

billyokey · 10/02/2015 17:01

YANBU but I'm another who thought your language was a bit unnecessarily judgy. 'Madam' and 'brat'?? really? the woman was an adult

expatinscotland · 10/02/2015 17:13

What a cow.

YouTheCat · 10/02/2015 17:16

But if the woman is an adult, she should behave like one.

CremeEggThief · 10/02/2015 17:59

YANBU. I would have dragged her off the seat, the selfish, rude little cow! Or else tripped her up getting off the bus. This is exactly the sort of behaviour that makes me Angry Angry Angry.

clam · 10/02/2015 18:12

I think I would have pursued it, by asking if she'd heard what I said, that I'd given up my seat because this other lady clearly needed it more. If she'd shrugged again, I would have said something heavily sarcastic along the lines of, "No? Well, you have the seat then. You clearly need it more. As long as you're comfortable."

But then I'm an arsey cow at times

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2015 18:15

YANBU what a rude girl. I would have demanded she get up, and lecture her on being selfish. Even if she had a hidden disability, she should have apologised and said I am very sorry but I need this seat.

marshmallowpies · 10/02/2015 18:35

I stood on buses when heavily pregnant and it was never that big a deal - but then I was mostly only doing short journeys. If it had been a 40 minute ride and no one stood up for me I'd probably have been quite pissed off.

When I was heavily pregnant the first time I stood up for someone on crutches - there wasn't even room for them to stand on the ground floor and they'd squeezed into the space at the bottom of the stair . That not one other person would stand up for a person on crutches horrified me.

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 10/02/2015 19:36

Pregnant woman should have just sat on her! Grin

DancingHat · 10/02/2015 19:47

I felt worse when not visibly pregnant but I would have said I need this seat because I feel unwell. She's just a selfish person and well done you for offering the pregnant woman your seat. Not enough people do and of course if she feels well enough to stand I'm sure she'd say so! When I was a week overdue I was offered a seat in a shop at the counter while waiting. I thanked them kindly but declined as I wanted to keep mobile. Priority seats should be based on need and if the person you are offering it to decides they don't need it that's fine too.