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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my exH to keep some clothes for his DSs?

62 replies

ProbablyMe · 08/02/2015 18:24

Is it unreasonable of me to expect my exH to purchase some clothes to keep at his house for our 4 DSs?

Once again they have returned from their eow contact and he has told me that he and his DP didn't have time to wash their dirty clothes and has sent them all back. Our maintenance agreement via the CMS deducts money according to how many days a year he has them so I think he should get them some stuff for when they are in residence with him! I'm bloody fed up of having three loads of washing (three of them are over 6'1" tall so big clothes!) sent back every time they go when I've sent them off with clean!! He says I should supply him with clothes to keep there but I can't afford to buy them clothes that they can't wear 12 days out of every 14!

Who is U?

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 08/02/2015 18:25

Why are you washing their clothes if they're over 6 feet?? Surely they're old enough to do their own?

SoupDragon · 08/02/2015 18:29

Personally, I think it is my job to provide my DC with clothing as I am paid CM to do this. Anything XH buys is a bonus.

I also prefer them not to wash DCs clothing but that because they use some god awful stinky detergent/softener!

Micah · 08/02/2015 18:30

If they're 6'1 how old are they?

Old enough to manage their own property- ie ask their dad to buy/keep some stuff there or wash their own clothes?

Dsd doesn't leave clothes here as she wants to wear them in the week. If she does they go in the wash and are clean for next time. Otherwise she takes them back unwashed. We don't specifically buy her clothes, but if we're out shopping or she wants something we'll get it.

If he only has them weekends there's no time to wash/dry/iron all their clothes to send back?

On the flip side, when we have bought stuff for dsd- when they go back to her mums it's rare we ever see them again.

SoupDragon · 08/02/2015 18:32

he and his DP didn't have time to wash their dirty clothes and has sent them all back.

To be fair, how would you expect them to wash and dry the clothes in a weekend whilst the children are wearing them?

I'm not sure how you would end up with three loads after a weekend though, even with 4 children.

PtolemysNeedle · 08/02/2015 18:38

Can't he keep the clothes they are wearing when they arrive, then wash them in time for the next visit and send them home wearing them?

If you want the clothes to be available at yours all the time, then you're going to have to wash them as it's not reasonable to expect him to wash everything in a day when he's supposed to be spending quality time with his sons.

CheeseandGherkins · 08/02/2015 18:42

Yanbu, the deduction he is given means he should be using that money to provide everything they need whilst with him. Same as you (presumably) do when they're with you.

Hamiltoes · 08/02/2015 18:58

6'1, so at least what 12 at the minimum and they can't put their own load of washing on?

They are sure to be the focal point in some AIBU by their future slave wives.

Hmm maybe by last statement was extreme but seriously what do you expect him to do? I don't see how he can wash and dry the clothes over the weekend when they are wearing them and if he keeps them then thats clothes sitting in a drawer for 12 out of 14 days as above.

What is your suggestion? That he buys clothes so they can sit in a drawer? Just get your sons to do their own bloody washing problem solved.

waithorse · 08/02/2015 19:19

How old are they ? Confused

EdSheeran · 08/02/2015 19:23

Why can't the DSs take a few outfits that are "dad's house" clothes?

TheAwfulDaughter · 08/02/2015 19:28

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Scholes34 · 08/02/2015 19:32

The obvious thing to do is to send them to their dad's with dirty clothes from the week spent with you along with their clean clothes for the weekend, and they then come home with clean clothes that were originally dirty, plus dirty clothes that were clean when they left yours. But that all seems a bit ridiculous.

AmserGwin · 08/02/2015 19:39

How old are they???

joanne1947 · 08/02/2015 19:50

Send them with no change of clothes, no pyjamas, just what they are wearing and make sure you tell them that they need to get their Dad to buy them more clothes over the weekend.
If our grandson comes we always wash and part dry his clothes, in the summer they are fully dry, in the winter still damp, no reason why your ex and his DP can't do a few washings and send them to you.
While they refuse to wash do not provide any changes at all.

SoupDragon · 08/02/2015 21:15

Send them with no change of clothes, no pyjamas, just what they are wearing and make sure you tell them that they need to get their Dad to buy them more clothes over the weekend.

Yes, because dumping the argument onto the children is such a lovely idea. It's not their fault.

SugarOnTop · 08/02/2015 21:20

errr.....the children do own more than one pair of clothes i presume???

why can't they just take a spare pair of clothes with them on the weekend? [confused) you know...the same way we all take our own gym kit/swimming gear/football kit etc when we're going somewhere that requires a change of clothes at some point?

and teach them to use the washing machine/dryer/clothes line/ironing....you're supposed to be helping them become independent adults.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 08/02/2015 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cleanmyhouse · 08/02/2015 22:05

YANBU.

This used to happen quite regularly with my ex. He now buys them clothes too. Sometimes, the clothes he bought are here, sometimes stuff I bought is there. It works out though. Don't put enough clothes for the whole weekend, he's a grown up, he'll figure it out.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 08/02/2015 22:09

If it's just a weekend, surely it's not that many clothes? And they should be helping with the laundry.

ZeldaMae · 08/02/2015 22:11

The only thing which makes me Hmm is the height/ages

XP would wash DS's stuff, not dry it and send him back with mildewy things. Sooooooo passive aggressive.

crazykat · 08/02/2015 22:13

Yabu. Its unfair to say you can't afford to buy them clothes they can't wear for 12 days out of 14 yet expect your exh to.

Send them with a spare set and tell your exh to wash the ones the dcs wore to his for the next weekend.

We gave up buying dsd clothes to have at ours as she'd wear them home and her mum would want the clothes she came in back, then the clothes dsd went home in would never come back here and we can't afford a new set of clothes every week.

Tbh you sound like you're just trying to be awkward. If your dcs are over 6' they can do their own washing. No way does four outfits need three machine loads to wash unless you have a machine with a 1kg capacity.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/02/2015 22:17

YANBU. Why should you do all the laundry for the dc during his time? You're not his (or the dc's) skivvy.

He should have clothes for the children (which he buys!) there - then they 'rotate' between his and your house. He's got plenty of time to wash the clothes in the week between visits - he shouldn't be sending any washng home to you. This works for friends of mine.

sanfairyanne · 08/02/2015 23:16

at their age, esp the older ones, they could surely wash their own clothes or buy a few things to leave there (assuming they get pocket money)

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2015 23:21

What he should do is irrelevant, you can't make him do it.

So just do them or get the kids to do them when they come home.

Mammanat222 · 08/02/2015 23:23

You have 4 sons all over 6ft tall? Either you have very tall quadruplets or your boys are old enough for a quick lesson in how to use the washing machine.

Mammanat222 · 08/02/2015 23:24

Sorry. I see only three of them are over six ft tall. Triplets? Lol

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