Margaret I think you need to bow out gracefully before you dig yourself a bigger hole. The lifestyle you currently have is one which many people would be delighted to look forward to in their retirement but will never be able to achieve because so much has changed since you were their age. To be honest, 'so what' if you have to watch the pennies .... so do many, but they're doing it in order to meet essential expenses, and NOT to build a rainy day fund. I would feel very reassured indeed if someone could wave a magic wand and promise that after I stopped working I'd be able to run a 6 year old car (which would be a 'young' car for many!) AND save around £400 each month.
Many would also love to be able to look back at their younger years and relish the memories they have of bringing up their own children ... unfortunately, the majority simply can't afford to do that now even if they wanted to as two wages are needed to meet housing costs (and the rest).
It's not clear if you worked after your children left home ? If you didn't (and I admit I'm reading between the lines here) then that is another thing to be thankful for. I'm not suggesting for a second that raising kids isn't worthwhile but it's simply not a choice for the majority any longer and even fewer women remain out of the paid workplace once their kids are grown. Bear in mind too that what you describe as supporting your husband in his work .... i.e. running the home so he didn't have to worry about any of 'that' .... still has to be done one way or another by people who work. Most people can't afford cleaners, gardeners, someone to iron for them etc etc and so invariably many (most?) families today not only have to put far far more paid hours into running their household and meeting bills, but they also have far far less time to spend together as a family because, for example, evenings and weekends are so often spent playing 'catch up' (with all the drudgework). That is another benefit which women like you enjoyed by being able to run a household - financially - on just one wage.
So yes .... in many ways - then and now - you are incredibly fortunate. No-one is suggesting you've done anything wrong per se but a little more grace and empathy towards others less lucky - through no fault of their own except by accident of birth and certainly NOT through them being shy of work - wouldn't go amiss.
Perhaps you'd like to ponder the luxury of being able to save AT ALL - let alone a 1/3 of income ..... I don't mean it allows people to buy luxury goods, but it affords them the very real luxury, as you described yourself, of being able to meet unexpected expenses without having to cut back on food and heating (and you know, sometimes, there's nothing left to cut), or without accruing debt to do so. It also allows them the luxury of going to bed, getting to sleep within a reasonable time, and actually remaining asleep until the morning - without waking up in a panic several times - because they have the absolute luxury of security and don't have to stress (too much) about money.
Please don't keep implying you're hard-up simply because you don't have the flash car or the fancy holidays. Being frugal is no bad thing if it allows you modest security but it is NOT possible, however hard they work, for everyone to achieve. You seem to think that if people aren't being as careful with the 'pennies' as you are that they must, by default, be splashing the cash on totally unnecessary stuff. Undoubtedly, some will be I grant you - there will always be people who are irresponsible with money - but please accept that most people who don't save can't save, rather than won't save.