To be beyond furious that DD's Dad can hide so well from CSA?

[TickleMyTitsTillFriday]

They can't find him apparently. Even though he had another child and they will therefore be receiving child benefit. They can't look as it's in his GF's name and they're not allowed due to data protection. Nothing shows up on tax system for him or experien and they have no other way of finding him. I'm so FUCKING ANGRY!

But if the ex was a tax evader or a more worrying type of criminal I bet they would use his girlfriend (as the mother of his child) to find him. Of course they would. Would you say " it's not her problem" if the ex was a terrorist?

Men being allowed to walk away is societies problem and affects millions of families.However despite the fact you can be sent to prison, not supporting your child considered a non crime.

Exactly reveal. that's what gets me, he COULD be found, but the CSA aren't given the powers of other agencies because its not seen as important.

They don't take maintenance into consideration when working put tax credits etc. If they had more powers then they could rely on it more and therefore pay less out in tax credits. Why the fuck won't they do that?!

Plus you can say that it's nothing to do with his girlfriend, but she is enabling this. And one day it could be her

So your CSA is dependent upon what the father contributes? This makes no sense!

My brother pays around 200 quid a month, I thought this was the usual amount! Not 100% sure what his ex gets, I'm sure it's substantial!

sandgrown I dunno what version of CSA it is but I will call them and ask about this, as he flaunts this ridiculous lifestyle on FB etc, so there is hard evidence up there - photos of him on Venice Beach, at Cannes, more recently in NY and now somewhere that looks like Italy... It was a police officer who told me (maybe she wasn't meant to) how much he had in the bank. And I know for a fact he inherited a third of his mother's (large) London house. I have always been stonewalled by the CSA if I ring up to complain - told that he could be a multimillionaire for all they care: they can't touch him as he received Incapacity Benefit. But I suspect that was reassessed some time ago and denied him, as I caught part of a rant online...

Court ordered he can mail the kids bday and xmas presents. He never does.

Whether they like it or not, the contact a court orders with their kids is unrelated to the amount of (or whether) they pay maintenance. In fact I wanted the judge to know my ex refused to pay a penny as there he was, standing in court, pretending he cared about his kids, when in fact he was so paranoid about me spending the money on some imaginary thing or other for myself, he gave his kids... nothing.

Talking of their friends/family being fully aware parents like this pay nothing for their kids, and yet do nothing about it or condone it with their lack of concern... My ex did the Alpha course and his church found out he paid nothing towards his kids (despite him telling them otherwise), when they came to court to support him and give him character references when he was found guilty of harassing me. (Yes, they knew about that too, and supported the twat). They have never encouraged him to pay the kids a penny or buy them xmas or birthday presents - knowing full well he doesn't bother. Why? He changed his will - so he told me and anyone who'd listen - from leaving everything to the kids (which was his justification for never paying towards their keep) - to leaving everything to his C of E church. I'd say often friends and family may have a motive for supporting non-custodial parents in their determination to not pay out. And that motive is - if the kid doesn't get the money, down the line the new girlfriend/wife or her kid might - or the friend or family member who is supporting them.

Certainly this church was told they will get his money one day as he trumpeted it to everyone. That is why they were character witnesses in court, even knowing he had stalked me for a decade. And that is why they have never persuaded him to pay out for the kids he 'fathered'.

I've said this before, but I really think Mumsnet should campaign about this issue.

It's insane that so many blokes get away with paying nothing for the kids they've fathered. Non-payment of maintenance should be an offence carrying custodial sentencing and other penalties.

BTW, the current total of unpaid child maintenance in the UK is around £4 billion

Nearly £4bn. Staggering.

I have often thought of setting up a blog (anonymously to protect my kids, but I'd give anything to name and shame this fecker) and itemising every single thing I have ever spent on my kids. Even breaking down electricity bills, coal bills - the lot. And working out exactly how much it has cost me and my husband, struggling on minimum wage, whilst this twat tans himself in Italy. Courtesy of the tax payer.

Tot it up after a year or two, add in those unexpected extras like school trips, then take him to court and sue him for back-payment for the past 14 years. I'd be happy to humiliate him with it even if I didn't win my case. Of course, there is no mechanism for us to do this. I think absent and feckless parents should be liable for life - even after the kids have grown up. I'd love to call him to account for it. In my other life, I have a blog with a lot of followers and I've often had to restrain myself from starting a blog for this and pushing it. ;o)

Could have a forum for other parents (mainly but not all women, I'm guessing) in the same boat.

My ex doesn't have a new partner but I often wonder about women who live with men who they know aren't paying out for their kids from previous relationships, and how they live with being courted on money that should have been little Johnny's shoes or Mary's school uniform... And later how they can, in all conscience, buy crap for their new home together, or have nights out, or do anything knowing that money is essentially stolen from a child. Maybe we have to move to make this as repellent as drink driving is. In my lifetime that has gone from something loads of people did without thinking, to something abhorred by the majority.

My ex hasn't paid a penny for over a year, I think I said above it took three years originally for him to pay anything at all. Its a deduction of earnings but he's even managed to wriggle out of that somehow by reporting a change of circumstances. For god knows what reason, the csa can't seem to cope with that. His wife (I had a sneaky look at her Fb page) is boasting about how nice it is staying in hotels.

blondie I agree. These men should be prosecuted for abandoning their children. This needs to be made more socially unacceptable.

Yes it should be prosecuted as 'financial neglect' or something.

Spoke to the CSa just now and they are going to look into it and see whether his circs have changed. But apparently, the London flat, the share of a million £ London house I know he inherited, etc can't be touched as they're capital.

Which is interesting. As the resident parent with full parental responsibility, if my kids were going to starve/freeze/be made homeless, I'd defo be forced to break into capital.

Earlier, I came off the phone from speaking to one of my 14 year old's mate's mum. She told me she is so unhappy with our high school's failure to cope with her kid's special needs, she has just re-mortgaged her house to pay for his fees so he can go to a private school. If that's not cutting into your cpital, I dunno what is.

But men who evade paying for their kids are actively allowed to hold onto capital?

This whole issue needs a campaign.

Can't cut into fucking capital? What a bloody joke! Yet when you're a pensioner and you need care; fuck you you're selling your house! Bastards!

This absolutely needs a campaign.

Yes. No reason why their homes couldn't be sold from under them.

I have no capital. Mainly down to him.

A campaign is JUST what we need. This literally can't carry on.
My MP replied to my complaint and said he's forwarded my concern to CSA blah blah.
well thats lovely but I asked him what powers they have and why they can't get more powers to find these men and MAKE them pay. So i will be replying to him because enough is enough.
Not tonight though because I'm knackered from working all day to pay for the things my children need.

YOu work all day, tickle for your own well being and positive self-esteem, to be able to look at your children and say 'I did that and whats more, I did it by myself'.

That too fedup

I'd support this as a Mumsnet campaign

to the posters who say that men should be able to " opt out " of supporting their children -can I ask who you think should support them instead ? Other tax payers ?

Or should the children just starve ? Maybe we should bring back the workhouse ?

For the record, here's a classic thread Most Pathetic Excuses For Not Paying Child Support. And my personal manifesto repeated from that thread - arm the CSA. Not particularly because I want them to shoot the fuckers, but because it might attract a more gung-ho class of recruits.

Just got a letter a few days ago saying they are closing down the CSA and have some new version starting up.

When I spoke to them on the phone earlier, the woman said because mine is a "zero" case, ie: the loaded but lazy shirker pays nothing, nada, zip, zilch whilst having hundreds of thousands in the bank - it will be amongst the first to be transferred over from the CSA to this new agency.

I rang the new number too, and she talked me through 3 options. Well 2 as we didn't get to 3. No 1 being an informal arrangement between the parents - my ex was found guilty of harassing me last year and is never allowed to contact me in any way ever again so that's a non-starter! Then, something that sounds more like the current CSA thing where it is assessed (but, get this, YOU have to pay £20 for them to process the forms!) And she didn't get to the third as I said there was no point discussing it further til I spoke to the current CSA about pursuing the prat now.

So maybe Option 3 is going to cost us money as well.

But just be warned - they are going to charge YOU to process the forms.

My wealthy ex will refuse. £20 for us is impossible in the last 10 days of the month and earlier than that is still food off the table of less coal for the fire.

I would pay £20 as long as they can investigate and take capital.

Joffrey there were threads about a possible £20 fee a while ago (almost 3 years ago i think) So they ARE going ahead with charging a fee then.

That's appalling that they're charging a fee. I think that they should charge a fee to the non paying parent once they start collecting from them. More incentive for them to actually make them pay then, as they won't get their fee unless the nonpayer ends up paying.

*Privatise the (former) CSA and let debt collection agencies get on with the job.

If absent parents knew that refusing to contribute financially to their offspring could result in credit rating penalties, deductions of earnings court orders, etc some success might accrue.

I also advocate use of vouchers instead of money, because I read that fathers particularly are resentful to contribute as they only see in black and white.
They refer to paying money 'to the ex partner' and not 'for the children', as if their ex partner is greedy and taking the cash as surplus for spending on handbags and lattes. Not realising the contribution is absorbed into the ex partner's bank account allowing them extra overall to afford childcare costs.

Vouchers for school uniform, school meals, school trips, all the things that child support is supposed to contribute towards. Unfortunately a black market could arise from that I know, as it did when I used to receive the Healthy Start vouchers as a lone parent a few years ago. People were buying goods other than the stated milk/formula/fresh fruit and veg and just using the voucher as a discount off their total shopping bill, or the £3 vouchers were being sold to friends instead.

My children's father hasn't seen or spoken to them in 3 years now. He stopped visiting when I could no longer accommodate him at my house or afford his fuel costs to visit. He has been selling specialist goods on eBay for years and makes hundreds sometimes a few thousand every month, but as he signs on for benefits, only pays the minimum £5 a week for both kids.

I never asked him for money, and wouldn't. My wages and tax credits seem to cover living expenses although I'mnot looking forward to what I anticipate to be the more expensive teenage years, but then I live a fairly frugal life with no recreation subscriptions, car, socialising, smoking, etc costs.

I have emails from him saying he is going to fake a medical in order to receive some form of disability benefit, and he did it too, so I know he will never contribute voluntarily for the rest of their childhood.

What irks me lately, is that if my new partner ever lived with us, he would then effectively be financially supporting my children via pooled 'family' money, which is unfair on him, and that would probably spring me into action should it ever be the case.