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Original poster

To be beyond furious that DD's Dad can hide so well from CSA?

122 replies

TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 08/02/2015 10:56

They can't find him apparently. Even though he had another child and they will therefore be receiving child benefit. They can't look as it's in his GF's name and they're not allowed due to data protection. Nothing shows up on tax system for him or experien and they have no other way of finding him. I'm so FUCKING ANGRY!

OP posts:
AliceinWinterWonderland · 09/02/2015 10:39

fedup bizarrely, ex was abusive to our dcs (which is why we separated) and doesn't support his dcs at all, yet his family maintain he is a "good guy" and "very family oriented." Hmm Boggles the mind. I, apparently, am the evil ex.

I agree with you that until people start changing the way they look at this, it will just continue.

JoanHickson · 09/02/2015 10:43

It is neglect.

bibliomania · 09/02/2015 11:43

I'm a CSA success story. It took a lot of pushing - CSA failed to act within their specified time limits, so I asked my MP to intervene, and then they followed up. I'm also an easy case, as my ex works for the local city council. Ex wouldn't comply with the CSA, but his employer did, so I now get a payment deducted from his salary.

I know that's not much consolation to those with an elusive or self-employed ex. My only point is that it can be helpful to ask your MP to intervene.

I'm interested in fedup's point about people who know the non-paying ex and somehow excuse it. A single parent friend of mine got together with a man. He has just refused a well-paid job because it would mean he'd have to make payments to his ex for their 3 dcs. My friend was doing exactly what fedup said - "Oh, she got the house, and she's a bitch over contact, and it was her decision to split up, and why should he have to pay?" etc. She then got huffy with me for judging him (although I am now, I wasn't at the time as I hadn't really worked through it in my mind). She was totally convinced that he was the victim.

JoanHickson · 09/02/2015 12:11

Ewww enablers like your friend make me back away. There is something not right there to not have empathy for children. They would harm you in a heart beat with their warped thinking.

AliceinWinterWonderland · 09/02/2015 12:14

Sadly, there are loads of people like that. Look on the relationships boards and stepparenting boards and there are threads like that popping up all the time.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:16

oh my ex and his wife feel perfectly justified in not sending any maintanance. fucking fuckers.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:16

and the CSA closed the case. What is that about does anyone know? Are we to get a new shiny agency or is that it?

JoanHickson · 09/02/2015 12:17

Your not allowed to say anything to these enablers, your just a bitter ex.

MrSimms · 09/02/2015 12:25

I honestly think this should be covered in sex education in schools (is it?). It should be drummed into boys from a very young age that it's not OK to have a child and contribute nothing to their upbringing.

You hear far too often, men complaining that "she" got the kids why should I pay? And, in a world where people expect to "buy" something with their cash, you can kind of understand it. It needs a whole change of mindset from a vast section of society - men and women. I also hear the new partners of fathers complaining that he "lost" the kids but still has to pay. Very often "lost" means they have perfectly adequate access arrangements, but they don't get to live with them FT.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:27

"Very often "lost" means they have perfectly adequate access arrangements, but they don't get to live with them FT."
indeed, or it is what they say to get sympathy when the truth is that it is easier to tell such lies than step up and do some bloody parenting. bitter much?

CrispyFern · 09/02/2015 12:30

If any of the party representatives come on for a mumsnet chat, ask them what they intend to do about this.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:30

yes fern. Why is it so easy for my ex to run a business unregistered with HMRC?

Tobyjugg · 09/02/2015 12:43

OP ever thought about a personal ad in the papers "£50 reward will be paid to anyone knowing the current address of Mr X formerly of 123 Any Street, New Town. Please contact...."

Original poster
TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 09/02/2015 12:44

It's appalling that so many fathers behave like this, but TBH, I am glad the GF's data is safe, it would seem inherently wrong to me if you were able to use her information against him

Why?

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:47

yes why?
I think my ex's wife is responsible for him not sending money. Why should he hide behind her?

MrSimms · 09/02/2015 12:50

Because she doesn't have any responsibility for your child and personal data should be safe. If it can be released for that purpose, what other purposes would be OK?

MehsMum · 09/02/2015 12:54

What dazzles me, having read this thread, is how the CSA CAN'T FIND people. Why the hell not? The police can. When my father died, I was told the police had to inform his next-of-kin, which (bizarre, this) included his ex-wife (though not apparently his DC from that marriage). I knew which town she'd lived in 35 years previously, and I thought I knew her remarried name, and they'd tracked her down in a couple of days.

Bloody amazing they can manage that, but all these useless, shirking fathers manage to stay off the radar.

My dad was a total pita and I didn't like him, but to give him his due, he did pay what he was ordered to pay for about 10 of the 12 years he was liable for it.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:58

"Because she doesn't have any responsibility for your child"
Mr Simms she is personally responsible for stopping her husband from supporting his children!

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 12:59

but yeh I see what you mean. Somewhat galling for us.

MrSimms · 09/02/2015 13:00

Were you responsible for all his actions when he was with you?! Of course she's not responsible and you believing that doesn't help anyone.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 13:02

Mr Simms I know that he used to see his children and support them before he met her. What would you think?
Why are you getting so upset anyway?

Original poster
TickleMyTitsTillFriday · 09/02/2015 13:02

I don't believe she's responsible. But if he can be found via child benefit for their child together why not?

OP posts:
MrSimms · 09/02/2015 13:06

I'm not upset, thankfully this situation doesn't affect me. But, I do see far too many occasions where women blame other women for all their misfortunes when it's down to the men they're involved with.

I know that if I tried to make DH choose between me and my kids (which is what you're accusing his new wife of doing) I'd be on my way and rightly so. Of course your ex is responsible for the fact he's not seeing or supporting his DC, nothing at all to do with anyone else.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 13:08

well then mrsimms you can get back in your pram.
How arrogant people are,.

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/02/2015 13:09

yes his choice not to support or see his kids is everything to do with his wife.