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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my sister NOT to continue the name theme her DH started with her DSC?

81 replies

ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:25

DSis is married to BIL, nice enough guy and loves her to bits.

He has 3 DC - two mums (this is relevant).

His DC's names have a 'theme'. Think like the Kardashians, names spelt slightly unconventionally to go with a first initial which is also BIL's name and first initial.

So let's say he is Karl Kooper and his kids are Kolin, Khloe and Kathy. All have his surname.

Both his XPs happily accommodated his preferences and all DCs have his surname too.

DSis now expecting their first DC. She likes Olive for a girl and Ben for a boy. She did take BIL's surname.

BIL says baby won't 'go' or feel like part of the family (DSCs around a lot). He wants another K name. His suggestions are 'real' names like Kylie and Kevin.

DSis is wavering. I think she needs to take a stand! This is their DC not just his! Feels like an ego trip to me.

On the other hand, the DC will be part of a larger family. Maybe they would like to 'match'?

AIBU?

OP posts:
egnahc · 07/02/2015 23:26

Kylie or Kevin- are we in australia in 1987?

PtolemysNeedle · 07/02/2015 23:27

Your role is to support your sister whatever she goes with. It is not to tell her what she can and cannot call her child.

Original poster
ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:27

not the real names! Using K as an example. Could be Daniel and Delia or whatever.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:29

DSis really wants 'her' names. BIL says the DC won't fit with the family without using a name which follows the pattern

Of course I will support her no matter what but just feels wrong!

OP posts:
qazxc · 07/02/2015 23:30

Yanbu. Unless your dsis finds a name that she loves in that vein, she shouldn't be pressured. As for saying new baby won't go or feel part of the family because of a name, that's disgusting.

Ludoole · 07/02/2015 23:32

Does your sister have a "k" name too??? Or doesnt she "fit" either?

Sunnysideup5883 · 07/02/2015 23:32

They can use his name as a middle name? Seems unfair that her name choice should be dictated by a decision made in his previous relationships.

CrapBag · 07/02/2015 23:32

What bloody difference does it make? His children have different mums so they are hardly all one big family.

I hate themes like this anyway.

BitchTradeMark · 07/02/2015 23:32

My friend is the fourth child. Her 3 older siblings follow an initial letter theme, but hers doesn't. She's never been concerned about not 'matching' so I don't think that matters.

What matters is if your DSis does or doesn't mind. Ultimately, there should be a mutual agreement on their child's name.

Original poster
ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:33

the mums including DSis have their 'own' names and their subsequent DCs do not follow the pattern. It is all linked to BIL's name.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 07/02/2015 23:34

Use whatever name she likes. He's probably just going to move on and breed with yet another woman anyway.

squoosh · 07/02/2015 23:34

Ugh. They're siblings not My Little Ponies, they don't need themed names.

Sounds unspeakably naff to me and if your sister feels the same she should stick to her guns and tell him the theme has reached the end of the line. Sounds a bit ego trippy to me too.

ovenchips · 07/02/2015 23:34

Oh well, I guess they'll figure it out between them.

If they do go the Kardashian route you can roll your eyes in private, then congratulate them on their lovely baby and lovely name.

I bet before baby is 6 months you'll have stopped registering its Kardashianess and its name will just be him/her.

Ludoole · 07/02/2015 23:34

Hes being ridiculous.

PtolemysNeedle · 07/02/2015 23:34

Your sisters DH needs to like the name as much as she does, they are going to have to compromise.

Does the BIL have a middle name she could link to?

Original poster
ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:36

see this is why I am against it and it feels like an ego trip.

He has his bio kids in this pattern, ok his previous partners were fine with it, but why should DSis go along with it if she has names she would rather use?

She is great with the DSCs and understands her DCs are part of a larger family story but why go along with this theme?

The fact BIL really cares makes me think less of him. But to be fair he is a lovely person/great husband. So why this obsession??

OP posts:
squoosh · 07/02/2015 23:37

He sounds like some Mormon man spreading his themed sperm among as many women as possible.

Original poster
ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:38

of course I will adore my DN whatever they are called!!

But Olive and Ben are names that matter to my DSis, Kylie and Kevin (not real names), don't seem to matter to BIL other than being names that begin with the right letter.

He says they can have DSis' names as middles.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 08/02/2015 02:00

He says they can have DSis' names as middles.

How kind of him Hmm I find it hard to emphasise with your sister as naming themes like this are so wank it probably would've put me off him by date no. 3. But she's in now; support her and tell her if she thinks it's crap then she should her foot down and his name can be the middle name.

It's her first baby, presumably; she should be able to pick whatever bloody name she likes, not have to conform to some tradition that he and his previous two partners entered into.

PinkSnowAndStars · 08/02/2015 02:07

Sorry if you are aware who I mean.

I guinelely know a * jenny, Joanne, jane, Jordan and Jed."

It's the person that makes a name....

Yabu

FightOrFlight · 08/02/2015 02:16

Olive?

I get the image of 'On the Buses' with that one (showing my age now)

Then Olive Oyl.

Neither are good images.

to tell my sister NOT to continue the name theme her DH started with her DSC?
saturnvista · 08/02/2015 02:23

I wouldn't get involved - you'll be in deep water in no time. However, my view is the same as yours. This is ridiculous. Fair enough if he'd stuck with the same woman and she'd humored him. But in these circumstances, it feels like he is trying to use names in creating the impression of a core 'family' (i.e. those who are his kids) when in fact these children are not defined by their names and are equally part of other families too. Presumably his children live with 'brothers' and 'sisters' who are not part of this absurd naming thing and yet manage to feel an equally significant bond with each other. It's in his head. His complaint that your niece won't feel like part of his family if she doesn't bear the name of his choice is more worrying, because the only person that outlook would be coming from is him. If he was immature and selfish enough to treat her differently as a result of this, it could cause real harm. You know, there are so many ways to look at this that reveal it all as more or less an ego trip! I predict he will become impossible to live with if he doesn't get his way over this.He doesn't sound as if he's been crossed much in the past.

FightOrFlight · 08/02/2015 02:24

Do his other children also have 'matchy' middle names? I'd hate to go through life with the initials KKK Shock

Ben is a lovely name, I just have weird associations with the name Olive due to my advanced age.

StrangeGlue · 08/02/2015 02:25

They both need to find a name they both love not continue a theme for the hell of it/make a point of being different. Sounds like they need to keep talking until they find something they both like.

Caronaim · 08/02/2015 08:49

I know several families who all have the same initial, now grown up. I always think it is a shame for a child in a family not to have a special initial of their own, but on another level it has caused all sorts of difficulties and inconveniences in the adult world, when they are all addressed the same.

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