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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my sister NOT to continue the name theme her DH started with her DSC?

81 replies

ZeldaMae · 07/02/2015 23:25

DSis is married to BIL, nice enough guy and loves her to bits.

He has 3 DC - two mums (this is relevant).

His DC's names have a 'theme'. Think like the Kardashians, names spelt slightly unconventionally to go with a first initial which is also BIL's name and first initial.

So let's say he is Karl Kooper and his kids are Kolin, Khloe and Kathy. All have his surname.

Both his XPs happily accommodated his preferences and all DCs have his surname too.

DSis now expecting their first DC. She likes Olive for a girl and Ben for a boy. She did take BIL's surname.

BIL says baby won't 'go' or feel like part of the family (DSCs around a lot). He wants another K name. His suggestions are 'real' names like Kylie and Kevin.

DSis is wavering. I think she needs to take a stand! This is their DC not just his! Feels like an ego trip to me.

On the other hand, the DC will be part of a larger family. Maybe they would like to 'match'?

AIBU?

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/02/2015 09:59

Difficult to criticize outright, but I'd keep going on about the Kardashians and how embarrassing, and everyone thinks they're naff etc, etc.

BIL sounds like a...dunno...a k-twat?.

lljkk · 08/02/2015 10:07

Not a fan of George Foreman, is he?

Fairenuff · 08/02/2015 10:07

I know people who like to somehow 'connect' their children's names, as if to make them extra special or something. But I do feel sorry for the youngest child who has had their name chosen specifically to conform to a predetermined rule.

For example, one friend's first child just happened to have 6 letters in his name, the second had 5, so the third had to have 4 and the youngest child's name had to be no more than 3 letters. I find that odd but some people find it, what, comforting I suppose?

In your dsis's case OP, I would ask him whether he would be happy with any name that didn't begin with 'K'. If he said no then it shows that he is inflexible and unwilling to compromise. Not a good trait in a partner.

If he said yes then I would start looking together for something we both liked.

blueemerald · 08/02/2015 10:08

Whilst I don't think your sister should give in to her partner's demands I just wanted to mention a boy I teach whose 3 older brothers have names that rhyme/sound very similar and his doesn't. He is very very aware of this and the message it sends.

Their names are similar to:
Shane, Dwaine, Kane and Fred.

The youngest knows and is very open about the fact that his mum wanted a girl and was/is disappointed with and by him.

SuperLoveFuzz · 08/02/2015 10:10

My DD is called Olive Grin

OhMyActualDays · 08/02/2015 10:21

My husband is the fourth generation to have a particular name. It is a bit like, but not as bad as, Norman. If I ever have a son, he will not be called "Norman" regardless of family history. Just no.

ChasedByBees · 08/02/2015 10:29

He is being incredibly weird. I usually wouldn't recommend this but could you show her this thread? Some excellent arguments to use with her if she wouksng react well to that.

krustyem · 08/02/2015 10:30

Is this some weird cult your sister is caught up in

Hoppinggreen · 08/02/2015 10:34

How many children are we talking about with " both" ex partners?
Sounds all a bit odd

LegsOfSteel · 08/02/2015 10:39

BiL sounds a dick. His ex-wives/partners did the right thing in getting shot of him.

diddl · 08/02/2015 10:42

"the mums including DSis have their 'own' names and their subsequent DCs do not follow the pattern. It is all linked to BIL's name."

Do you mean subsequent children with the same women?

do he just wants the first child that he has with someone to "follow the rules"??

taxi4ballet · 08/02/2015 10:42

Several people with the same initials in the same family can cause muddles - I used to work in a bank and we had one extended family who all had the same initials, not only first and last but middle initials as well. There would be untold confusion with their bank cards, correspondence, cheque books, paying-in slips etc not only from the bank's point of view, but also as they tended to forget their own account numbers and use each others' bank stuff by mistake. We'd then have them in arguing about whose money was whose!

We couldn't even go on Mr/Mrs/Miss as they were all medically trained and used Dr!

carabos · 08/02/2015 10:44

When I was a kid we had a tom cat who had a very distinctive fluffy, multi-coloured tail. He went around the neighbourhood impregnating all the available females as tom cats do and his kittens had that tail.

This guy is that tom cat reincarnated Grin. He needs the same treatment as our tom cat eventually got .

Staywithme · 08/02/2015 10:49

impregnating all the available females as tom cats do and his kittens had that tail.

Did he pay maintenance in mice or cat food? Smile

binspin · 08/02/2015 11:00

They're children not bloody theme parks!
She needs to put her foot down.

DisappointedOne · 08/02/2015 11:11

He sounds like a complete fruitcake to me.

CaptainAnkles · 08/02/2015 11:14

Just like Jimbob Duggar and his 19 kids beginning with J. Yikes.

Preciousbane · 08/02/2015 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TRexingInAsda · 08/02/2015 11:53

He sounds like a compete k-nob! Your dsis needs to put a stop to this ridiculous, embarrassing nonsense. But you wbu to 'tell' her what to name or not name her baby - she can call it Arse-Face if she wants to fortunately that doesn't begin with a K.

Original poster
ZeldaMae · 08/02/2015 12:01

by subsequent children I mean his exes have gone on to have DC with new partners and they don't have K names.

So for eg when BIL was 21 he had Karol with Jane, they split and Jane got married and has Lucy and Peter as well.

BIL got together with Claire and they had Karl and Karen, Claire now has James with new partner.

Not real names but right concept, eg name theme is clearly about BIL not his XPs coincidentally liking K names themselves.

Our family were very Hmm when DSis got together with him because of the two previous families, but without going massively into details he didn't walk out as soon as he had his K-named kids and the DC are very present in his life. Eldest is about to go to uni so they're spread out.

I can't show DSis this thread! But I might well steal some comments. I'm glad it's not just me who thinks this is really odd/off!!

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 08/02/2015 12:07

I think the matchy names are just such a naff idea. Your DSis needs to stand her ground.

the mums including DSis have their 'own' names and their subsequent DCs do not follow the pattern. It is all linked to BIL's name.

I'm guessing that the OP means children these mums have had with a subsequent partner, ie not BIL.

And while he might be lovely, I can't help feeling he won't stick around so your DSis may as well name the child something she wants.

drudgetrudy · 08/02/2015 12:11

I don't like your BIL's name theme thing but YABU to "tell" your sister what to do.
If you were a MIL or DM you would be getting a roasting on here.
The most you can say to her is that in her position you would choose the names you liked best.

APlaceInTheWinter · 08/02/2015 12:18

It sounds odd and slightly controlling . . .But . . .my DPs had a theme for my sisters' names not as naff as matching initials but an obvious theme nevertheless . I'm the youngest and I'm the only one with a name that isn't part of the theme. tbh being outwith the theme didn't make me feel special or an individual. It made me feel that they couldn't be arsed by the time they got to me. So I would worry that baby-to-be might feel left out or as though his DF didn't care about him as much.

However as a DM I would feel uncomfortable at being forced into a theme.

Waitingonasunnyday · 08/02/2015 12:21

Oh dear. This sounds like a terrible naming idea. I think you should tell your sis your opinion, making it clear you're not telling her what to do, just so there is half a chance of preventing tears in years to come when the hormones dissipate and she screams 'what was I thinking, why did no one tell me?!'

diddl · 08/02/2015 12:22

"by subsequent children I mean his exes have gone on to have DC with new partners and they don't have K names."

OK.

Just that I would have thought that that was a given, which is why I asked.

Thing about the baby feeling left out.

Well, this is the blokes third family.

It's not as if they'll be all living together!