To be annoyed at this lie?

[LittleMissRayofHope]

Family gathering today for a birthday. I have 2.5 dd and 5month DS. Told DH about it ages ago and specifically asked him to come (he doesn't really enjoy these things) to help me a bit considering I'll have the two to look after this time.

Late last night he suddenly felt very very ill. Got the sick bowl out and all morning was mopping implying - but not actually saying outright - how unwell he is.
Eventually told me he wasn't coming as 'I don't want to infect anyone or vomit while I'm there'

All day he has done nothing, but managed steak and chips for lunch and has just popped out for a take away.
I know it was a lie. An excuse.
I'm pissed off as I only asked him to come for some help and support.
I'm annoyed that he decided to lie to me like a fucking child trying to get out of going to school.
I mean WTAF.... He's 40 this year.

My dd will hate me.

She really won't - if she's going to hate any parent it will be the one who is inconsistent, the one who she never knows where she is with because their mood can change in a flash, the one who shouts and swears, the one who can't stay and have a rational discussion because they just want everyone to do what they say without question. But she will probably grow up understanding that you weren't happy together and that you always put her first - plenty of kids manage divorce and separation without blaming or hating either of their parents (and your husband will be lucky if that is the case!).

Kids like boundaries and rules and consistent parenting so that they know what to expect. They like parents who they can absolutely rely on, not ones who use an argument with someone else as an excuse to treat them badly. They shouldn't learn to walk on eggshells, modify normal childhood behaviour to accommodate the emotional instability of a parent who cannot (or will not) rein in their temper or feel as though they are less loved when they are naughty.

It will be hard, but you can do it. You have stood up to him and seen him for what he is - you only get one life, so don't waste yours on a relationship that isn't making you happy. You have the power to change things - maybe not all at once or in the next 24 hour, but you can do anything you want to.

I reckon the first step has to be to stop giving yourself such a hard time.

He will make my life difficult.
He will be weird and unpredictable with the kids.
He will blame me for everything - but crucially I do know this is just his way of excusing himself.

All the more reason to end. You cannot stay with a man because it's too difficult to end it. There is no logic to that. And in the meantime, your children suffer much more than if you go and make a clean break, showing them that no-one has to tolerate this kind of treatment from anyone.