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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this?

20 replies

dontcallnotdating · 07/02/2015 10:46

My dds and ds go to stay at my ex dh's house every other weekend - but he never returns their clothes! He always says they are in the wash but never returns anything. Dd1 says there are drawers full at his house. Yet he never buys them anything. Aibu to drive round and get my clothes back? I've spent an absolute fortune on things that I never see again!

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 10:49

How old are the DC? It IS annoying and it's a problem I see all the time on here.

I find it amazing and wonder if it's the Father's deliberately winding up the Mothers or if it's just forgetfullness and bad organisation.

Do you collect the dc from his? If so, I would send them back in with instructions to "Mum wants my jeans" or go in and ask for them upon collection.

If it is HIM who delivers the children ask for them back...if he gives excuses then appeal to his better nature explaining the kids won't have enough clothes for the weel

TwoOddSocks · 07/02/2015 10:50

YANBU Very strange behaviour on his part. Why couldn't he just return the clothes during the weekend pick up. He can't possibly claim that all of the clothes they've ever left there are in the wash. If they're only staying the weekend the clothes surely wouldn't even need washing, tell him they'll bring enough clothes with them to last the weekend and you want to wash them yourself.

pictish · 07/02/2015 10:50

Oh god...2 of my friends have this exact same scenario going on and it drives them batty. I think it's quite common.
Yes this would annoy the hell out of me too.

SaucyJack · 07/02/2015 10:53

Just send them in the clothes they're dressed in next time. Unless he sends them home starkers, he won't be able to keep any.

SaucyJack · 07/02/2015 10:53

*WITH

fuzzywuzzy · 07/02/2015 10:54

My friends ex does this. She simply stopped sending them with extra clothing, she used to pack them an over night bag. Now just sends the in the clothes they are in, at least she knows he'll return the children dressed so she'll get those back.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 07/02/2015 10:55

SaucyJack beat me to it. Send them in the set of clothes they're wearing with no extras.

Original poster
dontcallnotdating · 07/02/2015 10:55

The problem is, he takes them to school on Monday so I have to pack spare clothes and uniform. Dc are 5, 7 and 9.

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 10:55

I don't think it strange Socks it's very common complaint on here. Which makes me think it's something to do with men not valuing kids' clothing because not many go out and buy it all the time...OR there are loads of wankers out there trying to be controlling.

MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 10:56

Dating so you're sending them with uniform for Monday in addition to their weekend stuff and not getting it all back?

I'd bloody go and knock and DEMAND it back when the kids aren't there to be honest.

Is he an arsehole or reasonable? Have you spoken to him about it?

fuzzywuzzy · 07/02/2015 10:57

Send them dressed in their school uniform, they have drawerfulls of clothing at his house, they can change there

magoria · 07/02/2015 10:58

Send them on the Friday in their uniform.

He can wash it ready for Monday and cloth them in what is already there.

Original poster
dontcallnotdating · 07/02/2015 11:02

He can be both an arse or reasonable, depending on his mood. The other week he phoned me at work to suddenly demand 50 -50 custody and made me cry, till my solicitor told me he'd have to take me to court for that. He says he'll return the clothes today - I told him not to wash anything (he's not v domesticated anyway so why is he doing it?)

OP posts:
Original poster
dontcallnotdating · 07/02/2015 11:03

Otherwise I'll send them in uniform!

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 11:04

It sounds like control OP. What was he like domestically though...when you lived with him? Was he organised or not with his own clothes?

Original poster
dontcallnotdating · 07/02/2015 11:07

Lazy. Not at all organised. I'm glad to be rid of him, but he always finds a way to annoy me!

OP posts:
MinceSpy · 07/02/2015 11:08

Hopefully he will return the clothes today. Then next access weekend send them in school uniform and pack just enough for the weekend. Tell him he needs to wash uniform ready for Monday. If the other clothes don't come back don't send any clothes the following visit. It won't be easy but he will get the message.

TeresaGreene · 07/02/2015 11:18

I have this exact problem and it is so annoying! Haven't found a solution yet so am watching with interest.

crazylady12 · 07/02/2015 11:27

My uncle's ex would do this it was coasting him a fortune so He sent my niece on a pair of Old pants and top she would wear nice clothes during the weekend but her idiot mother would return her in the old ones she was a weird woman

19lottie82 · 07/02/2015 11:36

As you suggested in your OP, just drive round and collect them.

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