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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of living in a deprived neighbourhood?

385 replies

fluffymouse · 06/02/2015 19:38

We moved neighbourhoods in London to up size. Quite simply we could only afford a place big enough for us as a family in London in a dodgy neighbourhood. By any conventional marker the area is very deprived. It has a rather notorious reputation too, and has meant some people have been reluctant to visit us.

I have tried being positive about the area (it is on the up, like all areas of London that are not already up!). I am starting to think it would be nice to just move out to a nice village now.

Pros of our area:
Good community feel
Crime rate acceptable by London standards
Feels safe for the most part
Diverse neighbourhood - good ethnic foods

Cons:
Drug dealing neighbours who have been verbally abusive and threatening
Antisocial behaviour issues
Very few of the parents at dd's preschool speak English - limiting opportunities for play dates
Local schools - most do well considering, but children starting with attainment well below average, high turnover of pupils, and lots of pupils at early stage of English language acquisition
Very poor provision for children despite there being lots of children in the area - put simply no one bothers to provide as it wouldn't be taken up for the most part. No ballet, gym etc. Even the children centres offer very little.

WIBU to move us all out to a beautiful village up north where we can get a 4 bed house for the price of a bedsit here?

OP posts:
concretekitten · 07/02/2015 00:07

wowfudge I know what you mean.
I can't stand Didsbury, full of pretentious people who are clinging on to their student days. Chorlton has nice cafes/shops and lots of stuff going on for kids, but way over priced and apparently one of the highest rates of burglaries in manchester.
Hale is nice, if area is more important than your house because 'normal' people could only afford a shoe box there.
There's plenty of nice areas in the north west where you can get a nice house, nice neighbours, good schools and good transport links for less than £300k.

livedtotellthetale · 07/02/2015 00:22

I will admit to not reading all the replys, but I stayed in London after having the chance to move back up north when my marriage broke down, I could have had a bigger home, more space for dds, but I am glad I stayed. I think I have given my dds a head start in life by living in London the diversity and culture that they have experienced by being brought up and living in London has made them the open minded independent young women they are today,

WhatKatyDidnt · 07/02/2015 00:31

Very well said capricorn.

fleecyjumper · 07/02/2015 00:54

It's not called ESL (English as a second language) anymore, it's EAL (English as an additional language). Many children can speak more than two languages and English isn't necessarily the second one. Their language skills will be better than a monolingual English speaking child even though it might not seem like it on first impressions.

whatawhoppa · 07/02/2015 01:08

Move. We moved from a private rented in a nice area, to a council house on an estate for a bigger house and cheaper rent. The house was only slightly bigger, the rent a hundred quid cheaper. 3years of fucking hell! Druggies, large groups gathering late at night. Someone mugged and beat badly on the front, empty house on the row burned out, fires started on the grass every weekend. The school was good. Daughter was doing well, but the kids that attended it would spit at teachers and swear. The whole idea moving there was to save up for a deposit to buy. Being such a shithole area, my car insurance trebled, water was dearer, and council tax. We were worse off. I told other half we were moving. I had had enough. My kids are better than this. We are now in a smaller house in a nicer area, paying hundred pound more than council house a month and we actually have savings again. Dd is thriving at school, and the parents at this one dont stand at the gates effing and jeffing with their big dogs. Life is good!

TheMightyMing · 07/02/2015 01:17

We live in the Heatons Stockport. We are in a 4 bed 2 bath ( we extended a classic 30's semi) - current value I reckon about 325k. Great schools, green space, handy for public transport and on the West coast main line direct, near the airport, and tram access. Lots of bars, cafés and great for young families. Wouldn't move even if we had a lottery win ( maybe a bigger house but would still be round here) .

You get more for your money in North. Manchester though- Prestwich and Bury very nice from what I know.

TheNewStatesman · 07/02/2015 01:27

"Their language skills will be better than a monolingual English speaking child even though it might not seem like it on first impressions."

Confused. How can their English appear to be worse but actually be better? Genuine question.

fleecyjumper · 07/02/2015 01:42

TheNewStatesman, I didn't say their English skills I said their language skills. The misconception is that English = language. A child that can speak more than one language quite often has better language skills than one that only speaks one language. So on first impressions their English might not be great because they are learning but they will be storing it all up and later they will be at an advantage because they will be fluent in more than one language.

WonderMuffins · 07/02/2015 05:12

Depends whether they are useful Languages though

ShouldAvePutASockInIt · 07/02/2015 05:49

Can I ask others for an opinion here...I'm a lone parent who has a high pressurised job - don't we all - I live in a nice city up north but work in a town a few miles away.. I'm earning too much to get any help.. Anyway by the time I've paid everything out per month and my little one is in childcare everyday.. I have nothing left. So basically I'm working myself into the ground and can't even afford a holiday for us this year. Would I be selfish to consider a move to another city uprooting my 8 year old from his friends.. Just somewhere with cheaper rent and a job in that city would be good to cut down fuel costs and be more around for my child - not sure what to do

Roedean · 07/02/2015 05:50

All languages are 'useful'. Only a monolingual person would think otherwise.

Roedean · 07/02/2015 05:50

That reply was for WonderMuffins

KatieKatie1980 · 07/02/2015 06:02

I'm from London and I moved from Zone 4 to the Midlands in 2012. My 4 bed detached cost something like £224,000.
I miss my friends, my family, my career (tied to London). Its nice here, but I miss everything that is me. Id move back in a heartbeat.
My parents live in a not very nice area of London. If you have unsociable behaviour (drugs etc) Id say move. What about places just slightly out? Sorry if I missed where in London! My commute from Bromley to the city was nothing. 18 mins to London Bridge/Cannon St. We started looking at places in West Malling..50 min commute. OH is from the East Midlands though, hence moving here.
Sorry if garbled...DD just woke up and she's caught a stinking cold!

RandomNPC · 07/02/2015 06:22

I like visiting London, but I'd rather eat dog shit than actually live there. I prefer going there to do what I have to do, then getting out the same day.

Tiredemma · 07/02/2015 07:00

Im in Sutton Coldfield- all schools close to me are outstanding with the local state secondary school being within the top 1% in the country.

Nice place to live.

christinarossetti · 07/02/2015 07:12

I also want to know where about a in London OP lives!

The point about with kids with EAL is that they are not non-English speakers. They are learning English and will be pretty proficient quickly.

Binkybix · 07/02/2015 07:33

We live in central ish London. I don't think I'd call our area rough but it's certainly not one of the fancy areas of London. We've wondered exactly the same for similar reasons, but think we're going to stay put for now.

Having said that we don't see drug dealing, violence etc and have friendly neighbours. If that was different it would tip my decision. We'd probably think of somewhere in the Midlands, but not seriously thought about it.

Good luck with your decision!

JellybeansInTheSky · 07/02/2015 07:34

Kent is surprisingly cheap outside the commuter belt. Just research your area carefully before you move.

I think with the children speaking another language much depends on whether they all speak the same language and how well educated their mums are.

There are lots of different languages in my children's class so English remains the common language of communication and all the mum's speak fluent English. As a result it is just a source of envy and amazement to my kids that lots of their friends can switch seamlessly into another language.

The OP is probably in a different situation and has other reasons gor disliking her area anyway.

Pipbin · 07/02/2015 07:46

Depends whether they are useful Languages though

I'm struggling to think of a language that isn't useful.................
Also, it's not the actual languages, it's the capacity and ability to learn language. If you are bi or tri lingual from the start then you will find learning further languages much easier.
I teach a 4 year old who speaks Lithuanian, Russian and English. She understands and translates for the Polish children. I think it's fair to say that she has better language skills than I do already.

wowfudge · 07/02/2015 08:02

concretekitten I certainly don't hate Didsbury, etc I just find it disheartening that a handful of places are always recommended as though nowhere else is worth living.

Of those places, I would never live in Hale or Hale Barns. Even if I had the mega bucks to buy a house there!

sosix · 07/02/2015 08:04

Move!

adsy · 07/02/2015 08:08

It's not called ESL (English as a second language) anymore, it's EAL (English as an additional language)
ffs

Kahlua4me · 07/02/2015 08:13

My brother has recently moved out of London. Like you he got fed up with crime levels, drug taking etc. Had his wheels taken off his car and petrol pinched.

Anyway, they have moved to Hastings and love it. Several of their friends have also moved out to Hastings. Lids are all settled and doing well at school.

Have a look at Old Hastings area as house prices are really good and it has an excellent vibe.

IsabellaofFrance · 07/02/2015 08:20

Come to the East Midlands - cheaper housing, lovely rural villages and you can get to London in under 2 hours by train.

BoffinMum · 07/02/2015 09:08

This stuff does grind you down, and it was a factor in us leaving London. Stupid house prices to live in a box, and syringes near the swings on Clapham Common were the factors that decided it for me. We ended up in Cambridge, which ain't cheap but has everything a family needs. I have to say there is a lot less snobbery and competitiveness up here, which was an unexpected bonus. Plus the teenagers are nicer and more deferent.

You can do things to ameliorate your position where you are, though. You can choose to transport your kids over to swimming/ballet/gym or whatever in better areas, and pick up play dates there in the process. If you offer to do a mum taxi for the playdate kids this will speed up the acceptance rate substantially. You can make a point of spending time in places like Richmond, Barnes and Kew in the better weather, and frequent holiday clubs in nicer areas as well, for example on the sites of prep schools with nice grounds. This is what a lot of people have done and are doing when they have moved out to an area where few similar families are, and they want to offset that. It takes a bit of determination and organisation, but it can be done.

Or if you feel so inclined, you can agitate for local improvements via sitting on committees - worthy, but by the time it makes a difference your kids will probably be parents themselves, frankly.