Do you know, my job is quite stressful too...!!!

[Bathsheba]

I work in a school as pupil support.

My DH works from home, in IT.

Apparently today it has been "too busy and stressful" to load the dishwasher.

Well, do you know what....my "little job" is also quite stressful - on top of everything else I was punched in the back numerous times today (as well as "cleaning the paint pots and cuddling children).

So it doesn't seem fair that I need to do 25 mins cleaning and tidying of the kitchen before I can even start to make dinner...because someone has had "a problem with errors in the code" today....

You've both had busy days. Why don't you do it together this evening. Mumsnet is full of people complaining that other people think they aren't 'working' cause they work from home. So consider it from the other perspective.

Agree to leave it tonight, do it together in the morning and out for dinner if that's possible. Although, if he has had an exceptionally bad day and this is a one off, rather than regular behaviour, perhaps it wouldn't kill you to wash up?

Assuming this is a one off and not the excuse every day - don't see the issue? You are a partnership, the other can pick up the slack when the other is below par. Would he do the same for you?

Surely if he's working from home, he's working, not doing chores?

You're both in the same boat, both had busy, stressful days. Be nice to each other and do it together.

So you've both been working and that means sometimes the housework has to wait. No big deal, it's just what happens when people work. I work from home now and then, that doesn't mean I have to get the hoover out, just because I happen to be at home.

If he ONLY didn't load the dishwasher then yeah that's taking the piss a tad, but if the whole kitchen needs to be sorted out and then fuckit, get a takeaway and relax

I often work from home. You do actually have to be quite disciplined to do it, and refrain from being too easily side tracked. I'm not just here sitting on my arse and drinking coffee all the time. In my working hours I have to make sure I work rather than do household chores, so I can kind of see where your husband is coming from.

If he is usually OK then just let it go this time.

Are the family in the habit of loading their own crockery and cutlery into the dishwasher at the end of each meal? I find that helps stop it becoming too onerous on one person.

Finding the error in code can be hours long, and you can't do anything else or you'll lose your place. It's a matter of taking one step forward and five back normally, so I can see how you can easily spend the whole day doing it; I've definitely still been debugging at 4 in the morning before I noticed.

He's working. Whether from home or an office or a shed in the bottom of the garden, he's had a job to do which has caused him stress. You are also working in a job that has caused you stress.

It's not a competition! Do it together with cuddles and a cup of tea, or go with the takeaway option :)

So yes if it's the first time he's done it I'd let him off and both of you do it before dinner? It is annoying though

We all have our bad days.

If it's not a regular thing then just suck it up and load the dishwasher and cook dinner... You never know, he may have an easy day next week and return the favour!

FWIW I find my DP is always more stressed and less house attentive when he's working from home. He works full time for an employer and when he leaves his work, that's it, done for the day, but with his self employed work he ends up getting completely wrapped up and absorbed and doesn't even notice his surroundings!

Surely if he's working from home, he's working, not doing chores?

^^This.

I work from home and most days I only move from my desk to go to the loo. He's working, just like if he's in an office. It's no different.

Going to go against the grain here and say YANBU
If your DH thinks you should do all the housework after you come home because your "little job" involves "cleaning the paint pots and cuddling children" I wouldn't even be thinking about making him dinner.
Or have I misunderstood? I don't understand why everyone else thinks that is ok?

Please elaborate OP, did he say your "little job" involves "cleaning the paint pots and cuddling children" , or do you assume he thinks that?

It depends what the dh is doing while op is sorting the kitchen & cooking.

My DH would either be in the kitchen helping with the clear up, or prepping dinner things, or still working. What he wouldn't be doing is sitting on his arse relaxing while I carried on doing housework having just got in from work.

If op is having to clear up kitchen & cook while her dh relaxes then this is ok too - as long as he clears up after dinner and does bed times while she then gets to sit down. In practice we find it easier if we both do what needs doing together, and then sit down at the same time.

No, SiennaSun - you are the one that is right - my job is definitely seen as "little" and "pin money" - in fact all I hear about since starting is how the money I bring in has made no difference to our finances.

(Apologies for being away for a while - I was tidying and making the dinner). My DH does work from home and I absolutely understand it is work - but he also manages to watch sky sports news all day etc while doing it...and he might work from home but he does sit on the sofa all day rather than in a home office etc.

No going out or takeaway - no money apparently....so yes, i came in, tidied and made the dinner = and I have just done the tidying up for it too.....

And the "stressed" thing is every day for him...

Sit down outside the flash point times (tidying / making dinner / arging about tidying and makin dinner) and discuss it.

He is being thoroughly unreasonable and dislikable, so a calm discussion needs to be had.

Why don't you take it in turns to cook and clean up as you both work?