"is she good?"

[Misty9]

Question asked of my 9 month old at a family gathering recently, upon meeting her for the first time. Argh! This question gives me the rage - she's a baby! Yes, she cries sometimes, no she doesn't sleep through, she's a baby. There is no good or bad, just being.

Anyone else find this question annoying?

My OH's grandmother comes out with gems like this, cue smiling through gritted teeth and nodding. I think it's a generational thing.

People are just making conversation. Would you rather sit in silence?

Yabu....

Just something said in everyday conversation.

We'll they're just being polite and feigning interest. No one really gives a shit if she's good or not. It's called making small talk.

Agree Lopez....

I think I've probably even said it myself in the past. Just something to feign being interested whilst being pleasant when really couldn't care less.

I know exactly what you mean OP.

However, it's true, it is just conversation making. An opportunity for you to gush about your baby and for them to non and smile along. No one is actually expecting you to say 'no, she's a little shit'

It's just an exchange of pleasantries.
It's a way of saying "Is all well?" in a vague fashion that allows you to answer as little or much as you like.

It's an expression, not an enquiry as to the worthiness of your baby. Honest.

It's just small-talk. You're overthinking it.

I really think you need to direct your rage somewhere else.
It's just general chit chat and giving you the opportunity to gush on about how lovely your baby is.

Calm down ffs!

What would you like them to say instead?

When you think about it, there aren't many questions you can ask about a baby.

Would you prefer them to ask about the contents of her last nappy?

As Flip said, just take the opportunity to gush about your squishy bah.

It's an opener designed to allow you to talk about the baby's sleeping habits. It's "Nicer" than saying "Does she keep you up all night?"

I can see both side... they probably are just making small talk but if you are tired, sleep deprived or feeling a bit fed up, these comments can make you feel as though you, and your baby are being judged.

if it is a relative that you aren't close to, or see quite rarely, then just give a breezy and non commital reply. If it someone who you like and trust, be honest.

It's small talk. They mean "is she easy?" Some babies are easier than others. I've had two. One easy one hard. 5 years later the easy one is now harder than the hard one.

What would you like people to say?

What's the big deal, they're just making a bit of chit chat.

Yes. I know exactly where you're coming from. Hated that question myself. Not only is it annoying it's also quite insensitive and emotive, too. For example say if a lady has PND with a crying baby and everyone around her is saying. My baby's really good, because he/she never cried. I'm sure that'd help! (Not)
I swear when my dd was a baby I must have had the only baby in the world that cried and woke up for a bottle, and the only toddler in history ever to throw a tantrum. No I just tell it how it is

I think it's essentially been said. "Is she good" in this context is likely a shortcut for:

•does she cry a lot?
•does she sleep through?
•is she taking to weaning in an acceptable manner?
•are you managing to retain your good humour and general health, even with a nine month old?

Plus a bunch of other stuff.

I used to tell people - of course, she/he is a baby and therefore incapable of being bad,

But yes, it does seem to be a generational thing. Try not to let it bother you.

It bugs me too but I try to be polite, people are mostly vapid, poor conversationalists when you're running on low sleep. sometimes even when you're not

Bastards. They probably want to touch her as well right?

YABU. People are just being nice.

I didn't like this question, the honest answer would have been no she vomits 40 times a day, screams from 3 til 3 and drinks the rest of the time.
I just used to reply 'she's beautiful isnt she?'

YABU and need to unclench

Heck no, I have no control over her, whatsoever. She slipped out of the house, the other night, and I found her hanging around the corner shop with some dubious friends, smoking and sharing a bottle of lambrini.