"is she good?"

[Misty9]

Question asked of my 9 month old at a family gathering recently, upon meeting her for the first time. Argh! This question gives me the rage - she's a baby! Yes, she cries sometimes, no she doesn't sleep through, she's a baby. There is no good or bad, just being.

Anyone else find this question annoying?

It's just conversation, because people don't know what else to say and probably aren't that interested

It's just conversation!!!

Exactly, how many questions can you ask about a 9 month old baby?

How many nappies do she go through?
How many times does she laugh at thin air?
What's her take on the situation in the Middle East?

It is just something to say.
What would you rather they asked you? (just asking as a poor conversationalist - not a dig, a fact most of the time)

squoosh
i know both mine had an amazing insight into the middle east but unfortunatley (can't spell don't care) by the time they could talk had forgotten it all. if only we could harness that knowledge :)

It means nothing.
Be grateful someone has expressed interest in your baby.
It actually isn't compulsory to say anything...

What a weird thing to get het up about

"How many times does she laugh at thin air?"

Aww
She's beautiful
Is she good?
Glad to hear it/I can imagine
Nice to see you
Bye then

We're social creatures.

Try 'how's it going?' Same question, less inflammatory.

If you're good friends then a topic you usually talk about would work too. I'm 8 weeks in with my newborn and holy fuck sitting around in pjs breastfeeding and cleaning up poo is dull. Even more dull talking about it. For the love of god I have a brain!!

I'm trying to think what it is I say when I meet a baby for the first time, I think it's usually 'ah isn't s/he lovely?'. Which I suppose is a a stupid question to ask a parent.

:o Squoosh, you never know.

'You think so? I rather think s/he looks like an over grown potato tbh.'

'Well now you mention it yes you're right, she does look a bit potatoey. But you and your partner are both rather round and lumpen so that's unsurprising'

Nothing could go wrong in that conversation!

"How are you?" = I don't really want to know, it's just what you say.
"I'm fine! You?" = I have haemorrhoids the size of satsumas and I haven't slept for a year, and I don't really want to know how you are either.
"Mustn't grumble. Aw, he's lovely, is he good?" = My life is falling apart. You have a small baby so I have to ask after him too, but I'm not really interested.
"Can't complain! He's had a couple of good nights." = I'm dead on my feet.

It's all social niceties and oils the cogs of interaction :o

Or "Ah yes, but everyone loves spuds so she'll be grand"

DS1 was distinctively spud-like when he was a baby, actually.

No one mentioned it funnily enough. :o

My DD2 had a look of Kim Jong-un about her - even the hair

People want to ask an open ended question rather than a closed question.

How's it going? Is probably better but nothing wrong with the original as general chitchat agree that they aren't interested at all and can't be bothered asking anything else

My DH used to find this particularly annoying and reply along your lines "of course he/she isn't good or bad, s/he is a baby!"

But when people say stuff they don't necessarily say what they mean, or things become shorthand/code for something else. I don't think the person who asked you this was really asking "is your baby good or is she a really evil little b**er?" I hear in the question more of a "So how's it going, is she an easy going or challenging baby - are you getting much sleep - is feeding taking forever"?

Of course thinking people are able to express what they want to say in this way rather than saying "is she good?" but then many people, especially of the older generation, are not great at "thinking" in my experience.

I used to answer the question with "oh no she's not good she's lovely! Still can't put her down though, but we are working on it". It kind of gently makes the point without becoming too sniffy and literal-minded about it.

Arf at baby Kim Jong-un.

Hopefully the ruthless dictator similarities ended there.

Yes, did baby Jong-un have ways of 'dealing' with people he disliked?

I ask this all the time. Its not an age thing coz i am in my 20s.

Its just small talk. What else are you meant to say about a baby after you tell the parents how lovely the baby is.

I dont mean anything by it. I come in peace.

It is not a generational thing, I have heard it asked by people of all ages, including myself when trying to make small talk. I find it amazing the things people take offence at on here!

I'd downright refuse to tell them. Nosy bastards.

More annoying than is she good, is when i would ask dh to take ds when i needed a break. Has he been bad? No dear, hes been rather baby like.

YANBU

Yabu. We all know babies are just babies, 'good' is just outdated shorthand to mean 'does she sleep well, how is her eating etc?'

The question-asker was just trying to show an interest. That is a nice thing.