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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New sofa dilema & DS

23 replies

windchimes8 · 06/02/2015 09:42

Would IBU not to canvas living at home adult DS opinion on sofa DH & I would like to buy? I'm guessing he won't approve of it because he doesn't like change. Then again if I don't ask opinion and he does not like it I'll feel bad. Thoughts?

OP posts:

TravelinColour · 06/02/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TikiTigeress · 06/02/2015 09:44

Only time I'd ask is if it was his house I was living in. If it's yours and dh house and your money then its up to you two what you furnish it with surely :/

TwoOddSocks · 06/02/2015 09:45

Does he have ASD or some kind of special needs that makes him unable to handle change? If not I think you should buy whatever sofa you want, I don't see why your adult son would expect to have any say in it.

BaronessBomburst · 06/02/2015 09:47

It's your house! He might move out next week.

wonderingsoul · 06/02/2015 09:47

Why would you feel bad... It's not his house,

Ybvu to even consider it Imo

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 06/02/2015 09:47

your house, your sofa. He shouldn't voice an opinion other than being glad you're happy for him to still live there to sit on it!

MimiSunshine · 06/02/2015 10:09

We're buying this sofa, do you like it? Fine. and if he says no, well tough.

We're thinking of buying this sofa, what do you think? Not fine. Only contributing adults get to determine décor IMO.

Maybe a good time to have a discussion on when the adult DS is going to move out and if he has no plans to then give him a time frame i.e. August as 6 months is plenty of time to save up for a rental deposit

Nanny0gg · 06/02/2015 10:43

I had adult DDs at home from time to time and they always had a view! And ideas. Which were very welcome. What they didn't have was a veto so at the end of it all we got what their father and I wanted.

bobs123 · 06/02/2015 10:45

Ditto NannyOg

nannynannynannynanny · 06/02/2015 13:21

My mum bought a new sofa when I was about 14. She asked what style we found most comfortable, went and shopped around and came back and showed us all the options. She wouldn't have shown us ones she didn't like herself but we were still allowed to have an input. She wanted us to enjoy our house as much as she did...

Fluffythefish · 06/02/2015 13:42

When I was 14 we went out as a family to chose a new sofa. 3 of us liked one pattern and mum another. Mum won out despite having a vote and everything. 35 years later it still rankles :) so our kids never got a choice - and I don't think they feel hard done by. It did teach me never to offer democracy if you don't really mean it.

ILovedYouYesterday · 06/02/2015 13:44

Well, if he really doesn't like change then he's not going to like any new sofa so I would just go ahead and get one.

We got our sofas recovered recently and did ask the DC opinions on fabrics - useful as DD pointed out that my favourite one didn't look great with the carpet, and she was right!

DH and I (well, me!) had the final say though.

If you and DH had a shortlist, you could ask his opinion on picking one. But tell him that keeping the old one isn't an option!

Original poster

windchimes8 · 06/02/2015 14:42

Thanks all for thoughts. No DS is unemployed so does not contribute financially to the household. The choice is only this one sofa (for several reasons). To have our old one re-covered (which was another option) would have cost more than this new one (including recline function on chair and 2 seater).

OP posts:

storytopper · 06/02/2015 14:51

I take it your DS is looking for work. Workplaces bring in changes all the time so he had better get used to accepting change even if he doesn't like it.

19lottie82 · 06/02/2015 14:54

OP, I don't mean to be rude, but are you actually serious?

paxtecum · 06/02/2015 15:05

Your DS could have the old one. Will it fit up the stairs?

Optimist1 · 06/02/2015 15:09

Is this a discreet way of saying your DS has worn the old sofa out??

FightOrFlight · 06/02/2015 15:11

Why on earth would you ask your son about your sofa purchase

I could understand if he has SN and change would be very unsettling for him but that's not the case.

Some very odd threads around at the moment.

Summerisle1 · 06/02/2015 15:12

I'm a great believer in canvassing opinions. What I'm not prepared to accept is anyone who doesn't plan to contribute towards the cost thinking that they live in a democracy. So yes, by all means consult your DS but don't leave him with the impression that he holds the carrying vote!

Crabstick · 06/02/2015 15:13

Mammanat222 · 06/02/2015 15:16

Does he have an medical issues OP?

bigbluebus · 06/02/2015 15:17

Don't think I'd be asking him.
My elderly neighbour on the other hand had a new hideously patterned carpet fitted which she really liked. She thought it was practical as she has cats so wouldn't show the cat hair too much. Her 2 sons told her they hated it and why on earth had she chosen it. The sons are both in their 40s and one lives a 3 hr drive away and rarely visits and the other lives abroad.
The carpet got damaged and had to be replaced as an insurance job - she chose a plain carpet to please them. I was .

Original poster

windchimes8 · 08/02/2015 19:51

Asked DS if he would like to see it he said no. Have stuck a pic of it to settee and no comment made so we are going ahead with the order. (Will probably 4get what it looks like by the time it arrives - 3 months thank you DFS).

OP posts:

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