To want DH to stop spending all his time on the iPad?

[Suntzu]

Have name changed for this... As it's definitely a fwp. DH literally spends all of his spare time on his iPad or tv. To be fair he does all the cooking, washing up, bins, foodshopping. I am the main income earner, and am responsible for laundry, children's homework (except for mandarin which he does), bills organisation, doctor/dentist appointments etc. We share bath times and story times (not a chore to be honest!) and have a cleaner and gardener for the chores we both don't do. All good but he winds me up no end when he's constantly on playing games or reading the news. The last straw was him doing it while we were having breakfast. His reasoning is that it's the only outlet he has, but because he's doing that he's not being fully present when talking to me or DD, and there's various diy that he has promised to do but has been festering for months yet he refuses to let me get a handyman to help.

As I write this i realise I may not get many supporters in a forum full of mumsnet on iPad addicts

When it comes down to it, my beef is that he has a lot more down time than I do and is unsupportive when I want some time for myself. For context we also have a 7 month old DS, which is probably why we're arguing about petty thingslike these...

I think the problem is that it IS addictive. I find myself reaching for my phone all the time just to 'check' things. I make a conscious decision to try and keep the bloody thing in my pocket when I'm with people. Your husband is showing poor manners really, but he's probably bristle when picked up on it. I sometimes do, because I feel so daft.
As technology races ahead, we'll encounter problems like this. I suppose some people have more addictive personalities than others.

I am very guilty of 'checking' iPhone and iPad (and laptop) all the time. It's addictive.

It doesn't stop me from doing my fair share around the house and I don't do it when we have guests - it DOES mean I am often distracted when my dc are talking to me which is really bad.

It annoys me too. So much so that I brought it up with my DH last night. When he gets in from work he has a cup of tea then sits down for the next hour or so, phone in hand checking emails, fb, twitter, links to interesting articles on twitter...

It drives me potty! I mentioned it a few times in a jokey way and he got a bit grumpy and uppity about it, but it came to a point last night when I pretty much said it's anti social and feels like he's not engaging with us as a family.

Two Dc's get pretty much ignored which is not on. We both work out of the home so I feel that after work and before bedtime we should prioritise the children/have a family meal etc.

Felt bad afterwards as he was clearly upset, and said he'll make more effort. So why do I feel guilty!

DH and I were in bed, both checking our phones before going to sleep.

The humour of it suddenly struck me, so I texted him "Night night, darling xx".

Heard it bleep, saw him do a double take, before turning to look at me...

We have certain absolute "no screen time" times in our house - mainly meal times, so we have time to connect as a family and talk about our day. Maybe that would work as a starting point and take it from there?

If it helps I am constantly frustrated by my DH being on his phone looking at sports news - how much sports news can there actually be in the world turns out a lot

Tanith
YANBU OP. Can you turn the Wifi off at mealtimes?
My DH is the same. I have an 18yo DS and even he doesn't bring his phone/tablet out at the table so why does DH do it?
At night he hogs the remote control for the TV and chooses what he wants to watch (without any consultation with me) and then proceeds to open his laptop whilst his phone is busy beeping away on the arm of his chair. Drive me to mumsnet bonkers.
He works M-F and at weekends he spends most of his time on Twitter/Facebook until I give him jobs to do - as in his eyes there are seemingly no jobs that need doing!
I don't know what the answer is. He is a grown adult but I am tempted to treat him like a child.

My DP does this constantly even when family or friends come round. Last time he did it I sent him a message on the damn thing from my phone saying do you realise you are completely ignoring everyone in the room? I'm so embarrassed that you have not made conversation with anyone or even looked up.

He slowly closed it and hasn't done it since.

My DH uses his exactly like yours bookworm and when I've mentioned it in the past he goes into a strop. In fact he is in one now and we're not really talking to each other which allows him to embed himself in the iPad even more. At least he controls himself now when DD is at home. And he will also not be on it when we're with company, so he is aware everything. At least yours has now stopped with company.

DH will do jobs but only thrones which are "his". And of the ones which are not the daily chores it gets left. So our house is full of clutter which he's been meaning to clear. And when I put some in a bag for charity he comes round and quietly takes some out and squirrels it away.

And snap on the tv remote control too bigbluebus

What have you said to DH hippo?

Watching with interest

DH pissed me off with this today. He can home early to 'help with bedtime' but as soon as the kids (2.9 and 5mo) were in the bath he got his phone out and started checking emails. I just walked out and went and did some pottering so he was forced to engage with them. But really I shouldn't have to, right?

*came, not can, obvs.

msmittens so I've agreed with DH no screen time at the table so he sets a good example for DD. He agreed. So while he was eating iPad was kept away but as soon as DD and he finished (i hadn't as I was feeding DS earlier) he pulled his iPad out. And when I said he had to put it away, said that DD and DS were playing and he didn't have anything to say to me! I feel I'm dealing with a teenager...

And I suspect he strops so that he has an excuse to iPad more without being called on it.

mummybare but at least he then does engage. That was elegantly done I thought, you didn't even have to say anything.

random and bloodygorgeous do you feel like you need to stop? interested as if I can get into DH's head then maybe I can somehow get him to understand why it's so poor and therefore stop. He doesn't seem to get it at all.

Is he stressed? My DH has been very stressed since we had our second child. He has had a lot of work pressure and long hours in the last year, some health issues as a result and is now coping badly with going back to the baby stage (diddums... try bf-ing and doing all the night feeds...).

He is constantly on his iPad or iPhone when he is home and I find it very irritating. He says it is a response to stress as he is tired and not able to focus on anythinh else....not sure what to think personally. It's basically a bad habit that is hsrd to break. I like the idea of switching off wifi during mealtimes.

Yes, I now am very aware of being on my iPhone and have seriously tried to cut down.

random what made you decide it was times to cut down?

solas I don't know what he could be stressed about! I take the night feeds and wake ups for our 7 month old. He looks after our 5 year old DD on the odd nights that she does wake up. Very infrequent. It's probably more that he's not stressed enough....

Thanks Suntzu, although I had a slightly less elegant strop this afternoon where I basical nagged him into submission

But once I had, we had a great time for an hour or so pottering, getting loads of little things done that we've been meaning to do and playing with the kids.

He's not that terrible when he realises he's doing it but it's like it's his default switch and he then gets sucked in for ages. Will try and bring it up this evening in a positive way if I can - 'wasn't it nice to all spend time doing family stuff' kind of thing. I'll let you know how it goes!

Yes please let me know how it went mummybare!