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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to talk dd out of sending valentine cards to every child in the class.

15 replies

whatmess · 06/02/2015 00:14

It's the school rule. If you are going to give a valentine card, you have to give one to every child in the class. They have the same rule for party invites.

I really can't be bothered with valentines day and don't understand what it has to do with 6 year olds. So when dd asked if she could do cards, I showed her the class valentines list the teacher sent home and said, "you'll have to write one for each person".
She has decided not to bother .

OP posts:

BehindEveryCloud · 06/02/2015 00:33

Doesn't sound like you talked her out of it... You just told her what the teacher said/the truth and she was smart enough to realise that it'd be a big PITA

YANBU to want to talk her out of it tho, sounds like a drag... But I can't sleep right now and am grumpy!

TheHermitCrab · 06/02/2015 01:04

Wow the school can really give a rule on party invites too? So parents who can only afford small gatherings for their child have to invite full class (bullies/none-friends and all) to parties? what a load of rubbish.... :/

EllaMenopy · 06/02/2015 04:57

HermitCrab, I'd assume that you can invite a small number of the class to birthday parties, you just have to do it outside of school. To avoid the birthday child standing in the playground handing out invites to the chosen ones and snubbing the others.

pearpotter · 06/02/2015 05:05

How stupid of the school. On both counts.

attheendoftheday · 06/02/2015 07:03

I think that's a sensible rule. Glad your dad saw sense though!

SavoyCabbage · 06/02/2015 07:06

I don't think it's stupid that you can't hand out party invitations when you aren't inviting everyone. Obviously you can invite who you like if you do it yourself but some parents ask the teacher to hand them out. there is no need to get the school involved with your child's birthday party.

Mehitabel6 · 06/02/2015 07:13

Just be pleased you have a sensible DD. Valentine's day isn't for 6yr olds anyway.

AuntieStella · 06/02/2015 07:17

Yes, the good ones are hot on inclusion when things are actually handed out on the school premises. After all, think of the disruption when one child gets 29 and another gets none and ends up as soggy tearful heap on classroom floor.

That sort of public popularity contest can be absolutely brutal.

If a child wants to send cards only to a few potential suitors, then it can be done away from the classroom. (And, personally I think not to be encouraged at primary age at all).

GoodArvo · 06/02/2015 07:19

Are you in the U.S.? This used to be normal when I was at school there in the 1970s.

At my children's UK school no one sends Valentine's Day cards.

Maybe the rule on party invites is only if you want the teachers to hand them out in class. Surely people can do what they like in the playground/by email.

SquinkiesRule · 06/02/2015 09:05

That is very American, my kids would write out one to each classmate and attach a sweet of sucker to each card and give to everyone in class. The class made a party of it with cup cakes and juice, they would decorate bags in the morning with red hearts and pictures and use it to carry home the 20 odd cards and sweets they had received.
You can buy the cards in all the local stores there boxes of 15 or more for a few dollars.

Original poster

whatmess · 06/02/2015 12:21

Yes, we're in the US. And yes I think you can choose who you would invite to a party so long as you don't hand the invitations out at school. It has to be done off school premises.
I don't mind that rule. I think it is a good one to avoid kids feeling bad. I do have a problem with valentines in primary school. Why?
Squinkie I have heard from mums in other local school about the sweet packs, luckily DDs school has a strict no sweets/cakes rule (another one), so she won't be coming home with 18 bags of sweets. They do allow stationary packs though.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatmess · 06/02/2015 12:24

This is our first year in the US. I am slowly learning my way round the school dos and don'ts. So different to the UK.

OP posts:

NormHonal · 06/02/2015 12:30

I knew you had to be in the States.

Which reminds me, time to stop the DCs from watching Disney Junior and hide their copy of "Winnie the Pooh's Valentine's Day" until 14th Feb has safely passed. For me it's about romantic love, not friendship. It's one "holiday" I don't want them to join in. Not yet.

IKnewYou · 06/02/2015 12:31

Yabu to dissaprove, your DD is NBU not to write cards if she doesn't fancy it.

We used to live in the US and it was normal for kids to hand out little cards to everyone along with a little sweet, pencil or sticker type thing . The kids really enjoyed it - even the boys. I can't see any negatives with it at all. The cards cost practically nothing.

I'm all for birthday invites only being allowed to be handed out in school if it's for the whole class. Then no one gets left out. There is nothing stopping parents giving out invites to small groups of kids as long as it's done privately.

SquinkiesRule · 06/02/2015 14:38

I'd get the cards with a sticker attached if no sweets are allowed. It was always a very big deal at the school all my kids went to, (been in UK for 18 months now and loving it) I had my kids just write their name inside each card, so no need for the class list and no trying to figure out where so and so's card went, just walk round the desks and dump a card in each bag. My boys loved it too, not just a girl thing. Personally I don't do Valentines, but while in US all the kids got a bag of sweet hearts with messages on or some other corny valentine sweeties I would find in the grocery store.
Target always had a nice selection.

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