To attempt taking DS on holiday without trying to contact absent father

[GreenGrassStains]

DS is 8, has my surname, and hasn't had contact with his father since 3 and a half years old, when supervised contact was stopped due to DS receiving injuries, after continuous emotional abuse (shouting and swearing at, name calling, embarrassing him).
Police and social services did reports of the injuries and said there was to be no contact unless court ordered as a safeguarding issue.

He is on the birth certificate so has PR, though I do not have any contact details, don't know where he lives, or have any form of contact for anyone who knows him.

Also, even if I did, I would be terrified of contacting him incase it caused him to reappear and begin threatening me again.

If I take DS on holiday, we have the same surname so are we likely to be questioned? And if they do ask if his dad is aware and we tell them that we do not know who his dad is will that be the end of it or will they have a way of finding out he technically has PR?

Babybarrister he would just laugh if I asked him if I was allowed to take them abroad. He wouldn't dream of asking my permission either - though he wuld say "I'm taking them fom x to y - does that fit in with you?"

What happens then if you are still married and together and you go abroad with your kids without your DH - do you still need a document then?

The whole thing is farcical. And unenforcable and, I would imagine, totally ineffective in combatting abduction

Like I say, the whole thing is farcical. And unenforcable and, I would imagine, totally ineffective in combatting abduction

To have the print out of an email where I've asked permission which he allegedly hasn't answered (how would you prove that?) seems like a very flimsy defence against a determined abductor

This all sounds really weird. Even when all 3 of us (me, dh and ds) travel together we don't go to the same border control. DS goes with one of us, and the other goes alone. Sometimes we follow each other through but more often we go to different booths. I'm sure they don't cross-check to make sure my dh's passport has registered somewhere in the same airport.

That's within the EU though. I can't remember what happened when we went to places outside the EU as it was a few years ago now (2009 Australia/Singapore, 2007 Croatia (then outside the EU).

It is farcical. I could easily have typed up a letter on my company notepaper and forged a signature. Indeed, I could have put a completely false name. (the children have my name, not their dad's). It wasn't checked, but just having it seemed to pacify them.

The first time I was stopped it was at Toronto and I was led away to an interview room. I had to wait a good 45 minutes before someone came to speak to me. Not great with a baby, a toddler and a brother waiting landside thinking I'd missed the flight! I just got a grilling - there was no phone calls or checks made.

Other times it was just questions at the kiosks, a look at the letter, and a nod through.

Not worth the risk.

Baby barrister difficult if op doesent have any contact details for him, then how can she get his permission.

Me Dh and all the kids have same last name (someone asked further up thread)
I wouldn't worry about EU travel just carry your residency order for your Ds It's US/Canada that seem to stop people.

We travelled tobCuba .

my dh took our eldest through passport control on both sides on the way out, and he had no problem. despite different surnames and no PR at the time.

coming back my friend took the eldest through both passport controls (dh was ill and I had the youngest) and again they had no problems.

at the time eldest dd had a different surname to all of us.

I find it actually a bit frightening to see how easy it is to take children out of a country, living as I do in a country where so many children are stolen for child prostitution.

It would still be fine to go away, carry all your paperwork with your residency with you. He does not have residency. He has a non contact order.

We are occasionally in contact with xH but I have never asked his permission and have never used his passport details for the DDs.
Just do it.

Here's what the US Customs and Border Protection page says. It looks like you can go in and out of the US without problems, but Canada and other countries may be more difficult.
help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/268/~/children---child-traveling-with-one-parent-or-someone-who-is-not-a-parent-or

Due to the increasing incidents of child abductions in disputed custody cases and as possible victims of child pornography, Customs and Border Protection (CBP) strongly recommends that unless the child is accompanied by both parents, the adult have a note from the child's other parent (or, in the case of a child traveling with grandparents, uncles or aunts, sisters or brothers, friends, or in groups*, a note signed by both parents) stating "I acknowledge that my wife/husband/etc. is traveling out of the country with my son/daughter/group. He/She/They has/have my permission to do so." See our Q&A parental consent.

• School groups, teen tours, vacation groups.

CBP also suggests that this note be notarized.

While CBP may not ask to see this documentation, if we do ask, and you do not have it, you may be detained until the circumstances of the child traveling without both parents can be fully assessed. If there is no second parent with legal claims to the child (deceased, sole custody, etc.) any other relevant paperwork, such as a court decision, birth certificate naming only one parent, death certificate, etc., would be useful.

Adults traveling with children should also be aware that, while the U.S. does not require this documentation, many other countries do; failure to produce notarized permission letters and/or birth certificates could result in travelers being refused entry (Canada has very strict requirements in this regard).

Yes carry relevant documents with you, of the courts decision and your residency documents.

My friend dd has no contact with her father, never has had.
They go on lots of holidays and have never been stopped or asked any questions. You both have the same surname and they would have to ask so many people if they started doing this.
You could be married but your dh unable to come on holiday due to working or not able to fly.
I really wouldn't worry about it tbh.
Go away and have a nice time, you sound like you need it after all this time

My dd has gone abroad with her dad (dp) they have the same surname and no questions were asked. The gov website is helpful if you need info or give them a call

It's easy enough to take a child out of the country - what prevents child abduction is that, if you know where they've gone and it's a country which has signed up to The Hague convention, it's also easy enough to get them back.

Of course if there's no trace or its a country outside the convention, it's very difficult to get kids back.

Do you have a letter from the police or SS from when contact was stopped?
I have been questioned taking DS1 and DS2 through (all with the same surname), and previously with just DS1.
First time, I had to confirm he was my child, and his full name and date of birth.
Second time, they asked DS1 a load of questions about how old he was (nearly 4??), what his name was, and who everyone else was.

DH hasn't had a problem travelling with DS2 alone - and that was long haul.

I take DS away every year on our own. Nobody has ever queried it. We usually go to France, but have been to Turkey too.

I travelled from Australia ( we live here) to USA . I travelled with my boys on UK passports ( I hadn't passed my citizenship at that point but had relevant visa).
We weren't asked where my dh/ kids dad was. As it happens we were going to visit him as he's navy and had two weeks alongside in Hawaii and we went to stay with him. Made it into a small family holiday ( well kind of as he had to work 9 of the 14 days we were there)
You will be fine

I had a chat with my exH about this last night and as predicted he laughed at the idea of either of us having to give formal legal permission to take the kids abroad. I know we are lucky that we get on well. But we could immediately see about 30 ways it'd be possible to get round this if you were determined to snatch a child

I've travelled to France and Canada and I have been asked both times but we do have different surnames. Canada was awful and had lots of questions about my ex in front of DS. I went prepared with mortgage statements etc and had return tickets I was still questioned a lot and had to show texts messages between me and my friend. I felt like a criminal all for taking my DS on holiday and I even had a court order that states he is resident with me. We haven't seen ex for over 2 years.

Go prepared with evidence thats all I've got to say.

You need paperwork if travelling to South Africa

My DD has her fathers my ex surname and I took her on holiday without telling him and there was no problems what so ever, tbh I never thought for a minute there would be so go and enjoy your holiday

The law doesn't say anything at all. I moved country with DS and didn't ask any permission. I did inform my ex but didn't ask his opinion on it. I had looked it up and he can appeal but likely nothing would happen.

Carry your child's birth certificate, and divorce papers if you have changed your surname. Be ready to explain that you are not in contact with your ex partner - perhaps include a note so you don't have to say it out loud in front of DS. They might ask DS "Is this your mum?"

DH's sister is 25 years older than him and used to take him on holiday all the time as a child and nobody ever questioned it! I know it was different 20 years ago, but still.

We do usually get asked (at Stansted) but when I say I'm his mum and he confirms it it's not an issue. Will be fun when I change my name, though...

when I asked about getting a residence order, after 4 yrs no contact, I was told that my abusive ex would have to be contacted . obviously I won't be contacting him!

Just take a copy of birth certificate! I've found that I've never been questioned leaving... But always returning