...not to tell people I have Aspergers

[KerPlunkKid]

Background: Female mid forties, diagnosed a few months back.

I have told a brother, sister and my DH. They have been ok.

I recently told my other brother and SIL. SIL just did not seem to register at all, whilst my brother whispered to me "why are you going round telling people you have a mental illness" I replied I have only told family and that Aspergers was not a mental illness but a neurological difference. My brother is a mental health nurse btw.

Now I'm thinking whats worse just leaving people to think Im odd or telling people I have Aspergers.
Would people whisper poor DD for having a mum like me or kids mock DD for having an Aspie mum?
Would work cruel or kind?

There seems so little awareness or understanding.

Whaaaaat?

DS was diagnosed by a multi-disciplinary team, led by a consultant paediatrician and specialist in neurodevelopmental disorders. They are expert in diagnosing conditions including ASD, ADHD, dyspraxia...

And while the term psychologist is not protected in the UK, the terms "clinical psychologist" and "chartered psychologist" are.

Why are you so angry about this caron?

caron appears to be a teacher. I have noticed her, erm sometimes strident opinions on other threads.

I kind of get what she is saying - there is too much casual talk of 'being on the spectrum' which does dilute the significance of those that are.

However, if you have managed to get a diagnosis in this country, then you can be pretty sure it means you fit the diagnostic criteria, which exist following decades of research.

As to the Op about who you tell - that is up to you. My only suggestion would be to not do anything too soon after a diagnosis. Give it time to sink in (even if you have always known yourself), and then judge how to go forwards from there. It is not something you can un-say.

While it would be great for everyone to be more accepting of neuro-diversity, you have to protect yourself, and if that means not 'coming out' to the world, that is your choice and your right.

Caron Just out of interest, how long ago were you diagnosed and by whom? This is current practise. From the NAS website, my bold.

"Dyspraxia and ASDs

Dyspraxia is a separate condition to ASD but it is possible for a child to be diagnosed with both conditions. For both conditions, early recognition and intervention are important to provide the best support for the child.

A paediatrician, child development team or educational psychologist is usually involved in diagnosing dyspraxia. A paediatrician, clinical psychologist or psychiatrist usually carries out assessments for an ASD.

As some of the characteristics of the two conditions overlap, meaning that both have many similar characteristics, it is important that the person making the diagnosis has the relevant experience and knowledge to make a thorough assessment."

www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/related-conditions/dyspraxia/dyspraxia-and-autism-spectrum-disorders.aspx

The psychiatrist who diagnosed me as having ASD discussed dyspraxia, and dyslexia actually - he said that these conditions often co-present (I believe a venn diagram was involved in his explanation) so when assessing for ASD he also looks for symptoms of these conditions.

Most people would never guess I have ASD - they just think I'm anti-social, unenthusiastic, not proactive...I hide it well, at least in short doses. Doesn't mean it's not real.

Thank You Statistically Challenged. I have the Venn diagram you mentioned in front of me now.
In the centre

NEURO- DIVERSITY
Difficulties with Organisation, Memory, Concentration, time, direction, perception, sequencing poor listening skills- leading to low self esteem Anxiety depression but creative , original determined.

Off the centre Dyspraxia Dyscalculia Dyslexia
Autistic Spectrum Disorder Tourette's Syndrome ADHD

                  Asperger's Syndrome 

Anybody diagnosed with ASD will have at least 2 symptoms on the list.
Caron calling Experts who have been studying Autism for 40 years, yet does not disclose her qualifications or experience.

She sounds a bit like that Expert on Every thing 'Peter Hitchens' or maybe she is a Katie Hopkins type !.

I think his was a little different but broadly similar -and the other conditions were mentioned too. Amazing how fast you forget bits, was only about 6 months ago.

Is my diagnosis real because it was a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist do you think?or is it a soft type of medicine

I work with a fair few folk who seem to be of the I don't believe in it variety too. Very dull

My employee told me she had Aspergers. It really helped me to understand why she found some things hard and it was definitely good she told me. I didn't tell others at work.

Caron.
I assist in diagnoses as part of a team. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop being quite so fucking rude. You are very obviously completely unaware of how a diagnostic team work with regard to ASDs (dyspraxia also included under the umbrella, often commonly associated with) so it would be very much appreciated if you would stop sounding off on here about things you know very little about, you are frightening and distressing people which is really rather unpleasant.
Thank you.

As smokepole mentions I refer to myself as "neuro diverse/atypical" as it describes me well. But I wonder if this panders to prejudice? (eg like playing down an invisible condition might add to stigma/wrong ideas about how being different is a "problem").

Its difficult, you should be able to tell people if you please, but 99% wont have a clue about what it is, or what it means...

Personally I'd like to think that I wouldn't feel like I had to tell people not that there would be any shame in telling them!

I am a instrumental teacher and from time to time have come across adult pupils (and children but thats another story) with Aspergers. Some have told me from the offset, some in time and others I only know this (or think I do) because I have so much experience spotting signs from other pupils. Some I feel may not even realise themselves.

Regardless those who tell me seem to do it apologetically which is not necessary. It is as if they want me to know they aren't odd or whatever it is.

What I am saying probably doesn't make much sense but don't tell people if you don't want to. You only found out about this recently yourself and have got this far! If you want to tell someone by all means too but don't feel like you have to make an excuse for "being odd" as you said. I am sure you have many wonderful qualities and they can focus on that instead x

I believe you should tell people, the reason being people used to make racist and homophobic comments to black and gay people and these were not seen as offensive. These type of comments are no frowned upon and seen as 'unacceptable'. , The only way we are going to stop 'disablist' comments is by confronting peoples ignorance.

However, I have told friends about my diagnosis and they have compared Autism Spectrum Disorder to Alcoholism and being a Drug Addict!.

Most people have little if any understanding, about High functioning Autism and sadly Caron's views are typical of the ignorance most people have.

I hope Caron is not involved in any research or helping autistic people because her ideas are typical of the general public, 'not a professionally qualified person'.

Bigotry and ignorance about autistic spectrum disorders do feed predominant mainstream views at the moment. Give it ten years and there will be a shift in understanding, similar to attitudes towards race and being gay.

The decision is really about how strong you are to 'come out' at an individual level. It does make you vulnerable to attack and belittling. However, it can also provide legal protection in public situations, and help chip away at prejudice.

I'm sorry you had that reaction from your brother KerPlunk, it is apalling. My DS (11) has AS and dyspraxia and I was very wary of telling anyone for the first couple of years for fear of this sort of reaction, I am much more open about it now but still worry that as he gets older he may feel that I shouldn't have told so many people.

It does make you vulnerable to attack and belittling.

It does...although you might well already be getting it anyway but just based on people observing behaviours and attacking the behaviours rather than the actual diagnosis IYSWIM? The diagnoses gives some protection against that.

Deciding who to tell and when is really hard though. I told my manager and a couple of friends very quickly (part of the reason I went for diagnosis was that I was getting the attacking and belittling and I knew I needed the protection) but I didn't tell my other direct colleagues until a few months later - when I was being attacked again.

Good point StatisticallyChallenged - can you say how your manager reacted, and later on your other colleagues?

Manager was, and continues to be, extremely supportive thankfully. Didn't quite "get it" initially I don't think and we did have a few "but it's not really a disability is it" conversations but to be fair they've gone away and done a lot of research, read books about it etc.

Colleagues ...meh. No interest shown whatsoever, none of them have asked me about it etc. But there was borderline bullying going on (one ringleader and the others kind of nodding along) and I felt that it was important to tell them so that they couldn't carry on doing that without consequences. Boss was quite glad I'd told them I think as it meant boss could then say "look, carry on with this shite and it is direct discrimination" where it was a lot harder to tackle before IYSWIM?

Sorry, that's a bit vague! Colleagues haven't known for that long and ringleader has left so still seeing how it all plays out

Your post is incredibly ignorant, and the fact that you even use the phrase "genuine autism" and then follow it with "Nobody with actual genuine ASD can possibley reach adulthood without that being apparent!" is shameful.

I reached adulthood without a diagnosis. I was diagnosed, as an adult, by a very very highly qualified psychiatrist who is recognised as an expert in his field. I will take his knowledge, decades of research, extensive qualification over your nonsense any day of the week. But then that's not surprising since I just have a "difficult personality"

And I am not middle class either.

Exactly the same has happened to autism. It is a genuine disability, but people are being classed as ASD who are not disabled in the slightest, it would be more accurate to describe them as having a difficult personality, which we all are capable of displaying in some circumstances.
UK statistics clearly demonstrate otherwise. It takes approximately two years to give a full ASD diagnosis, getting on your high horse about misdiagnosis does not help people with ASDs. Making sweeping statements about forcing those with ASDs to behave as others do, and punishment regimes etc doesn't help. Many adults diagnosed in the UK have tried to fit in and often end up being referred via mental health service, having had breakdowns and having developed various other co-morbids (anxiety, depression et al) due to the fact that they haven't been able to fit in with a neurotypical society, so no, it's not overdiagnosis, it's realisation.
With regard to the middle classes inventing things, rubbish. However, it is usually the middle classes that have access to research facilities, education etc. so they are more likely to be able to find their way through the system of diagnosis.
Your comment above regarding a difficult personality is rude and dismissive to those with additional needs.

Oh, and Simon Baron Cohen's clinic diagnosed my fairly middle class family. Do you think he has it wrong?

Oh, well if it's being discussed on LBC then obviously it must be true.

Caron you seem woefully ill-informed about what happens to people who grow up with undiagnosed autism. Yes, they will have had problems, but they may well have been diagnosed and treated as something else, or just left to struggle on with it. This will quite often result in a lifetime of mental health problems, e.g. anxiety.

And I find it hard to believe that you genuinely think people go to the trouble of pursuing a diagnosis for themselves or their children if they are not experiencing major disabling effects in their lives. Do you think we/they have nothing better to do with a year+ of our lives?

As the other people with 'symptoms' will know (caron). We the sufferers try to make adjustments to fit in with other people, sometimes it will appear that we are 'normal' and are not experiencing any difficulties. This is because our coping strategies are working. This of course is not really what is going on, we are really in 'torment' trying to appear relaxed and in control of emotionally draining situations (everyday things Going to the Pub with friends, driving a car in to a unknown area or town) are some of the things that can cause great 'distress'). People if informed that you are struggling with the situation will often say' well you seemed very happy to me unaware of the mental torment you are going though just socialising.

The real story is about the effects that living with ASD 24 hours a day has on you as a person not the 3 hours or so out socially where you are playing a part ,acting to fit in socially with other people.

Feck me, my ds1 has Asperger's. I can't quite bring myself to type a well reasoned reply to Carons ignorance, except...

So. Much. Stupid.