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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...not to tell people I have Aspergers

188 replies

KerPlunkKid · 05/02/2015 13:50

Background: Female mid forties, diagnosed a few months back.

I have told a brother, sister and my DH. They have been ok.

I recently told my other brother and SIL. SIL just did not seem to register at all, whilst my brother whispered to me "why are you going round telling people you have a mental illness" I replied I have only told family and that Aspergers was not a mental illness but a neurological difference. My brother is a mental health nurse btw.

Now I'm thinking whats worse just leaving people to think Im odd or telling people I have Aspergers.
Would people whisper poor DD for having a mum like me or kids mock DD for having an Aspie mum?
Would work cruel or kind?

There seems so little awareness or understanding.

OP posts:
duplodon · 06/02/2015 14:27

I think you do what's right for you. You may find that it is right with certain people and not right with others. I have OCD and have had very, very mixed experience with being open. I'm careful now and only disclose when I feel comfortable doing so.

IsItMeOr · 06/02/2015 15:11

Crohnically I'm not sure if I've read that somewhere, or it's just my conclusion from reading various things, observing DS, and being affected that way sometimes myself. There's not really anything other than your fight/flight reflex that goes from 0-60 in an instant (so our ancestors didn't get eaten...), which I think is the biggest clue.

Not sure how helpful it would be for you, but we've been finding the Explosive Child helpful for understanding what is going on with DS. Might be worth a read to see whether it chimes for you. Good luck.

Caronaim · 06/02/2015 18:03

For goodness sake, stop classing dyspraxia with autism! They can happen together, but so can earache and a sprained ankle! They are not in any way related, it is plain stupid to class them together, and any "professional" who claims otherwise is simply twisting the semantics, changing the meaning of the word dyspraxic, jumping on the hobby horse for his/her own financial gain and loses the right to be considered "professional".

This is just so irritating, pointless, unhelpful and counter productive to ramp up the sen status in this manipulative and jargonistic way.

We will reach the point where no SEN definition has any meaning what so ever, which has already happened with "dyslexic" and is now happening with "ASD"

Caronaim · 06/02/2015 18:06

There is no such form as "mild" autism as my Consultant Psychologist said Aspergers/Dyspraxia in every single way is not mild .

there is no such thing!

This eliminates the need to take part in work focused interviews which for anyone with Aspergers/Dyspraxia is 'terrifying'.

sorry, but bollocks

In no way is an interview any more "terrifying" for someone with dyspraxia than for someone without!

Original poster
KerPlunkKid · 06/02/2015 18:08

Caron you seem to lack any sensitivity or empathy.

Ever thought about getting an assessment

OP posts:
Original poster
KerPlunkKid · 06/02/2015 18:09

hmm

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2015 18:17

Caron how do you know how difficult an interview is for someone else?

Caronaim · 06/02/2015 18:22

I use my sensitivity and empathy on people who need it, not people who have a "consultant Psychologist" colluding with their little fantasies! Just hope you haven't paid them any money on the basis that they are a "consultant".

Psychology is a humanity. it is a very soft humanity. It is not in any way scientific, and has no medical basis what so ever. Psychologists are of course totally free to refer to themselves as "consultants", as are fish and chip sellers - it doesn't make them consultants.

Psychologists do not have a body of knowledge, the way historians or geopgraphers do, they rather have an interest, and a point of view, more like a philosopher. It is a perfectly valid discipline in its own way, the danger comes when people respond as if psychological ideas and opinions are in any way scientific.

And how ironic, having argued the toss, now the suggestion of an ASD assessment is being used as an insult.

So, is suggesting someone has an assessment an indication that you dislike them and disagree with them??? What does that tell you about some of the posters on this thread.

ASD is being used to mean " difficult personality that I don't like". That is not a medical diagnosis.

Caronaim · 06/02/2015 18:23

fanjo, I am severely dyspraxic -(I am not ASD- or even close)

msrisotto · 06/02/2015 18:24

If I met you, I would prefer to know that you had Aspergers, than to think you're odd. But, I appreciate that not everyone has a clue and can be ignorant so it's a bit of a gamble for you as to whether you tell them I guess.

Sunnysideup5883 · 06/02/2015 18:29

I would know without you telling me and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference to our relationship if I was formally told. It might help some people understand you though, just as it has helped you understand yourself. I would definitely tell close friends and family

Original poster
KerPlunkKid · 06/02/2015 18:30

caron do tell about your career

Please please tell me you are not allowed near children with ASD who you clearly despise.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/02/2015 18:31

Caron but you don't know how an interview is for someone who isn't dyspraxic

Original poster
KerPlunkKid · 06/02/2015 18:35

(I am not ASD- or even close)

Well fucking done you!!!!!!!

OP posts:
duplodon · 06/02/2015 18:37

It is not "in any way scientific"? Psychology is a HUGE field of study. How is it not "in any way scientific"? How are you defining science?

Muskey · 06/02/2015 18:40

I have just spent three years studying for a degree in psychology. Gosh that was three years wasted. Guess I will go and sell fish and chips

Caronaim · 06/02/2015 18:43

So what! philosophy is a HUGE field of study, and also not a science. (Actually, Philosophy needs higher grades to get into - psychology really is one of the softest options)

Kerplunk, you were the one who said I should think about getting an assessment, purely on the basis of you not liking my opinions expressed.

i am not the one linking dyspraxia with ASD either, that hass probably come from some "consultant psychologist" somewhere, using words to mean what ever they choose at that moment, and diluting the language to the point where it has no meaning what so ever.

Caronaim · 06/02/2015 18:45

Muskey, there is nothing wrong with psychology, or with the skills you develop studying it, but as I am sure you are aware, it is not a science, and the damage is done, not by psychologists, but by people who for some reason think psychologists are scientists, or even medically trained.

LynetteScavo · 06/02/2015 18:46

I think if you are going to tell people you also need to educate them about Aspergers, as a lot of people don't understand.

I have chosen not to tell family ds has a diagnosis, as when they knew I suspected he was on the spectrum they disagreed and said things like "every other child is diagnosed with aspergers these days".

It's on a need to know basis, as far as I'm concerned. I would tell HR, though.

Original poster
KerPlunkKid · 06/02/2015 18:46

Caron do tell about your career.

Do tell!!!!!!

OP posts:
duplodon · 06/02/2015 18:47

That is just absolute nonsense Caronaim. Clinical Psychologists have a doctorate.

Explain your definition of science, please, and how a doctorate in psychology doesn't meet your understanding of what science is. Psychology can be studied as a humanity or as a science. Perhaps you should learn something about it, because you sound like you are very ignorant of it as an area of study.

CrohnicallyCold · 06/02/2015 19:13

Oh, so I'm imagining my BSc (that's Bachelor of Science) in psychology?

isitme thanks

Yesitismeagain · 06/02/2015 19:18

Most people in your age bracket that I know are not diagnosed as aspi but it is pretty obvious anyway. Socially they are different.

fredfredsausagehead1 · 06/02/2015 19:47

Well done you for facing up to this, very brave. You tell who the hell you want to tell.

Personally I suspect I have a lot of the symptoms, severe upset at change of plans (if one of the kids was ill, off school I would be very, very distressed) , obsessions with things, eating disorders, feeling detached from groups of people. Etc etc.

I appear odd, quiet but happy in myself. I need others to make decisions for me and wish I had a parrot on my shoulder to tell me what to do in situations.

I have also studied psychology to degree level and am disappointed to hear that people do not see it as a science, believe me I didn't realise either! Study it and you will see?..

fredfredsausagehead1 · 06/02/2015 19:49

The study of psychology is. It pretty working people out who you come across, theories, data handling, quanta give and qualitative...experiments, case studies, then if you want to be a psychologist more years of studying and shadowing or working as an assistant...