I'm having a crisis with my dd age 10 and really don't know what to do.
I have been a lone parent since she was 1, and suffered quite badly with depression when she was little. We have not had an easy time of it, I have struggled financially and emotionally and through no fault of our own (private rentals) we have moved 10 times during her lifetime. She has gone to 4 different schools, but she was at her first school for 5 years. She left her last school because she was being bullied because she has a long term medical problem with her bladder which means she leaks urine and it can smell quite bad (she wears pads to minimise this).
To add to all that, having got things fairly stable and built up a fairly successful business by the time she was 5, all that went to pot when I met somebody and accidently got pg soon afterwards, dd2 is now 4. Her father is a complete lunatic who put me through hell for 2.5 years, followed by another 2.5 years of going to court 19 times to protect dd2 (he now has zero contact).
I'm ashamed to say that whilst all this has been going on, dd1 is the one who has been sidelined. She has always been so placid and seemingly content doing her own thing, whereas dd2 was like a whirling dervish from the word go, and is very demanding of my time.
Currently we have a secure place to live (housing association) in a really nice area, and the local school have been fantastic with regards to dealing with dd1's needs. Apart from her medical problem she suffers from anxiety and finds social situations very difficult. She doesn't really have any friends at school, although the children are kind to her and the teachers regularly encourage them to ask dd1 to play, although she will generally say no and sit on the step outside the classroom reading her book. She has been at that school for around 1.5 years now.
Her teacher is fantastic and admits that she has a real soft spot for dd1. She has expressed her concerns that dd1 seems very unhappy, and depressed, and also has episodes in class where she will just shut down and it's like she can't hear anyone. Her teacher has had an educational psychologist to come in and assess dd1, and she also speaks to the school counsellor once a week, although she hates it and says it doesn't help.
Dd1 has been unwell the last few days and so off school. I went into her room and found her sitting on her bed holding her class photo of her first school and weeping. She then literally completely dissolved and was howling like a baby. I had never seen her like that, and she was telling me that she hates school and she hates everything about her life. I took her to the doctors the next day and they have referred her to camhs. She was off again yesterday but I had to take her in today as she was over her lurgy, she was crying this morning and I really didn't want to make her go.
Her teacher just phoned to say dd1 has been crying all morning, and her teacher was crying too. She isn't doing this for effect, she is genuinely really unhsppy and struggling. Her teacher has also suggested that dd1 is assessed for autism, so I passed that on to the gp.
I don't know what to do. My instincts tell me that I shouldn't be forcing her to go to school but I don't know what else to do. I know there's home educating but I am a lone parent doing a degree 5 days a week so that would mean leaving uni.
I know I have made mistakes and I feel awful about that but I want to make things right, I just don't know how to do it.