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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Myleene Klass will win no friends with this...

500 replies

CarlaVeloso · 05/02/2015 11:46

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11391753/Myleene-Klass-Ill-be-collecting-unicorn-money-for-my-daughters-birthday.html

She has tweeted two emails from mothers at her daughter's school asking for cash donations for their children's birthday parties. She's changed their names but clearly they are still recognisable to anyone with children in that class and presumably the whole school will know about it nowthat it's been published in the papers and online.

I agree the emails are completely crass and I would privately think the same but they haven't committed any crime or sent her an expletive-filled rant about something. I opened it expecting to see a request for an actual kindle when they are just suggesting £10. Crass, vulgar, materialistic etc etc, yes, but I think her response (shaming them publicly) is really nasty and may not win her or her DD any friends at the school gate.

OP posts:

kungfupannda · 05/02/2015 16:45

Emo76 I'm glad it wasn't just me. I'm still a bit confused, because the majority of people seem to think it was the actual parents emailing, but it refers to 'Jane/Hannah' wanting a group present for 'their daughters' in the third person, suggesting it is someone else writing. Similarly, the second email makes reference to a previous message from someone called Karen about a birthday gift collection for a child called Joy. Whoever is writing then says they will collate any money and give it to Sara, who I assume to be the mother of the child in question.

I really, really don't think these emails came from the parents of the children. In which case there's no way of knowing if the parents are making grabby demands or just responding to a direct suggestion from someone else.

If it's the latter scenario, then Myleene Klass has had a right hissy fit over nothing, and her poor children are probably going to get it in the neck from their classmates.

Bambambini · 05/02/2015 16:51

I think it's a good idea and would happily give a tenner and not have to trawl the isles and usually end up spending more than a tenner - and the birthday child would get a decent present they actually need or want.

If it's a private school then the class sizes could be quite small so class party would probably be easily done. Maybe this is normal there and asking for a tenner could actually be to help keep the costs down and stop those parents who go OTT trying to outdo the others.

queensansastark · 05/02/2015 16:56

I don't get it. I just don't get all this indignation and why it is considered rude to ask for or talk about money. I'm also surprised at the overwhelming majority MN s agreeing that it is crass, rude etc. etc.. Maybe it's a cultural thing.

I get why it could be considered rude to talk about income or personal wealth, But could someone please explain WHY it is considered rude and crass to ask for money as a contribution to a gift as if I'm from outer space. Also, it seems ok to indirectly ask for money in a convoluted and round about way but just not so "directly" even by suggesting or saying there is no obligation etc..

I'm surprised so many people can be so prickly and easily offended.

Original poster

CarlaVeloso · 05/02/2015 16:57

Maybe this is normal there and asking for a tenner could actually be to help keep the costs down

Yes. At my child's school, I'd say £15 is more the norm.

OP posts:

Original poster

CarlaVeloso · 05/02/2015 16:59

To clarify, I think a £10 limit would be a good thing!

OP posts:

RabidFairy · 05/02/2015 17:02

The whole thing smacks of attention seeking to me. "look how funny and clever I am with my snide rebuttal".

Then again I think the recent invoice party story wasn't newsworthy either. People sometimes act without thinking or don't think sensibly, but there is no need in either case to publicise that to the nation, surely?

thebear1 · 05/02/2015 17:03

It does not appear to be the childs parents who sent the email and it is a private school so the amount sounds reasonable if we assume it is affordable to most. I think MK response is far ruder than the request.

sanfairyanne · 05/02/2015 17:05

surprised all these celebs just give a tenner each
we all just give cash (a tenner!) - poor area, money means they can buy something decent with it. the parents might say beforehand if they are saving up for something in particular or they might not
the only difference is we dont do a class whipround and actually buy the item they are saving up for

Goodwordguide · 05/02/2015 17:05

I agree queen - this sort of thing was not unusual at my kids' old primary and was usually greeted with a sigh of relief by parents like me who can't be arsed to think/buy/wrap multiple presents. It's optional and it's a reasonable amount - agree, not affordable to all but it's made clear that it's just a suggestion. And I doubt that parents who can afford a private London day school would think it was unaffordable.

However, at my children's current school (after we moved area), this sort of thing is never done and I think would be greeted with horror.

Both schools are state, non-church, with fairly typical mixed intake. I just think that at some schools this sort of thing is more normal than at others - particularly where there is a system of class reps etc.

Mylene Klass has done herself no favours publishing it - her poor kids, can't imagine they will be invited to many parties from now on!

MistressDeeCee · 05/02/2015 17:07

Its a gift, not an obligation. & no matter how its dressed up, somebody on the spot at drop-off time with a collection box/envelope would make some mums feel obliged and pressured into giving, even if they don't want to. Especially as so many school mums want to "fit-in".

As a matter of principle I wouldn't give, because I don't want to have to be told who I should spend my money on a gift for.

What next..? Whispers about "oh your mummy didn't give, so you're the outcast now"..or the mums talking amongst themselves about who did, or didn't give?

Its stupid. If a parent wants expensive gifts for their children then they should buy it themselves, I wouldn't be tapping another child's mum for money. Why would/should I? Just by virtue of their child being in the same class as mine?

In a school, education is priority not whatever cliqueish-ness the next parent dreams up. Its not a lesson in putting money and material things before friendship.

sanfairyanne · 05/02/2015 17:09

bambambini has it - i bet this is to stop oneupmanship on gifts. i was puzzled about the tenner but now it makes sense - i bet its to stop fifty quid + show offy presents

squoosh · 05/02/2015 17:11

The more I think about it the more it seems like a sensible idea.

Now40 · 05/02/2015 17:12

queen I agree with you. I just don't get why this is grabby and what the problem is. I need someone to explain it to me.

queensansastark · 05/02/2015 17:15

Somebody on the spot could always just say they have alternative plans for the present or avoid eye contact or feign being distracted/busy or just straight out they don't want to give.....I dislike all this treading on eggs shells always trying not to offend people with what you say and then possibly end up saying nothing or not saying upfront what you mean...that's pressure too...just different pressure to being 'put on the spot' I'd rather people just be open and upfront, in a polite way of course.

KissyBoo · 05/02/2015 17:16

I wouldn't want my children socialising around people who behave like this.

I think it is important to teach children good values rather than worry about upsetting the apple cart. I wouldn't want them to grow up mealy mouthed and going along with things for a quiet life.

It's called character.

squoosh · 05/02/2015 17:18

So you'd remove them from the school?

squoosh · 05/02/2015 17:19

I did ask before but thought I'd try again.......

Bambambini · 05/02/2015 17:21

"What next..? Whispers about "oh your mummy didn't give, so you're the outcast now"..or the mums talking amongst themselves about who did, or didn't give?"

Really? I organised and collected a class Christmas present once (never again) for the teacher and assistant. It was a small class and a few didn't give or preferred to do their own thing. Perfectly fine and I just stuck their kids names on the class card anyway so they wouldn't be left out. So no one would have known and I definitely didn't think it was gossip fodder to mention to anyone.

TheChandler · 05/02/2015 17:23

queensantasark I don't get it. I just don't get all this indignation and why it is considered rude to ask for or talk about money.

Because the benefit of the gift is meant to be in the giving and receiving. You don't get any of that with a bald request for money. The giver is meant to spend time selecting the gift, which shows how thoughtful they are and how much they think of the recipient, in the time spent doing so. And the receiver is meant to appreciate the gift for the effort put in, not how much they like it. So even if they don't it, they still gain from learning good social graces and in appreciating other people's feelings.

A blank statement to "give me the money" doesn't really do all of that. The getting of a kindle and the other thing are not actually that important, when you compare them to good manners and kindness to others. Of course, some people never learn...

KissyBoo · 05/02/2015 17:27

No I would not remove them from the school. I previously answered your question.

hackmum · 05/02/2015 17:27

They're just debating this on PM, between the two biggest rentagobs in the business - Kirstie Allsopp and Toby Young. Kirstie takes Myleene's side, Toby the opposite, fwiw.

squoosh · 05/02/2015 17:29

'No I would not remove them from the school. I previously answered your question.'

Where did you answer it?

Bambambini · 05/02/2015 17:29

"Because the benefit of the gift is meant to be in the giving and receiving. You don't get any of that with a bald request for money. The giver is meant to spend time selecting the gift, which shows how thoughtful they are and how much they think of the recipient, in the time spent doing so. And the receiver is meant to appreciate the gift for the effort put in, not how much they like it. So even if they don't it, they still gain from learning good social graces and in appreciating other people's feelings.

That's your opinion and choosing gifts can be nice but I prefer my money to be put to good use on something the child actually wants or needs. I hate to see waste and in many ways this seems sensible and even non grabby in sitting opening 20 presents the child doesn't possibly need or will use.

squoosh · 05/02/2015 17:30

You mean you'd keep them in the school but stop them from socialising with their classmates? Oh yes, because that seems like a reasonable response.

squoosh · 05/02/2015 17:31

'Kirstie takes Myleene's side, Toby the opposite, fwiw.'

Oh heck, it pains me to ever be in agreement with Toby Young.

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