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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask au pair to leave

56 replies

Figamol · 04/02/2015 19:54

So we took an au pair from Eastern Europe 3 weeks ago, in really good faith, yes they don't earn a lot but she only did 20 hours a week and half of those my DS was asleep. We agreed she'd stay until the end of April to get us through a very busy period and then I'd help her find another family as a proper nanny. Paid for all her food, moved my DS so she had a large room and bathroom, let her take DH's car to go out. Offered to pay half of her language course. My inlaws even spent last weekend driving her around where she used to work 5 hours away to pick up her stuff and store it.

In short we did everything to make her feel welcome even though she's not great and spends so much time in her room to the point its weird, on Skype loudly till 3am keeping us awake etc, and has built NO rapport with our other two kids and barely does half the agreed chores. Last week she took a long weekend so didn't even do close to her hours. But I let stuff slide as she was only here short term and its just a lot of stress to look and change and confuse my little DS. She did the minimum and it was just enough.

So last night she walks in kitchen and says 'Oh by the way I've got a new job starting a week on Monday, it pays more so Im going to go and I know you are a great family and I feel terrible…...' She couldn't understand why I was p**d off. I feel very used and am so annoyed she must have known she was leaving when she had my inlays running her around. Next week is our school holidays so when I tell my Dad what she's done he says he's coming down to help for a few days, awesome Dad :)

So today I ask her nicely if she will leave this Sunday potentially leaving her with nowhere to go. I can't hide my anger, Im uncomfortable in my own home and I want the room back for my Dad. Is this unreasonable? I figured she's 27 and canny enough to have been sorting herself out behind my back so she'll find a way, be it going to the new family earlier or going to her friends 5 hours away. I feel its not my problem.

OP posts:
GenerationX2 · 04/02/2015 19:59

I agree this is NOT your problem and YANBU at all - I might even have her leave on Saturday.

lisaloulou84 · 04/02/2015 20:01

Never had an au pair so don't really know what I'm talking about but yanbu in my opinion, she's leaving
you in the lurch so why accommodate her! If she's getting paid more she can afford to sort herself out.

WheresWallyNow · 04/02/2015 20:02

I think that's more than fair, personally I would have told her to be gone within 24 hours. On a practical note, lock away valuables, get your key back now and I would not leave her alone in the house at any point.

Original poster
Figamol · 04/02/2015 20:04

I wish I could but Im studying for a Masters and its all day onsite in Uni for the next 3 days. DH needs to be at work so unfortunately Im just going to have to trust that she's selfish but not evil. We have no parents or other options :(

OP posts:
Brookville · 04/02/2015 20:04

Very selfish, brattish behaviour on her part. I'd be fuming. And there's little you can do about it. Sorry you've had a bad time.

Rosieliveson · 04/02/2015 20:04

I have never had an au pair but in my opinion, if you have no contract and she is leaving anyway then why not. It may be that her new job will take her sooner anyway.
Hope it works out for you.

Penguito · 04/02/2015 20:04

Agree, I would have told her to be gone within 24 hours too!

Original poster
Figamol · 04/02/2015 20:06

No she had no contract, she didn't want one as it was only for 4 months. I am fuming, mostly that she can't see how crappy her behavior is and that she expected to spend the school holidays here bonding with my kids only to leave the day they're finished.

OP posts:
Rosieliveson · 04/02/2015 20:09

Then I'd say you're well rid. Give her until tomorrow at 5pm and don't leave her alone with any valuables.
Good luck with it all

AramintaDeWinter · 04/02/2015 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BMO · 04/02/2015 20:10

It doesn't matter that you haven't provided a written contract, a contract is still implied by your behaviour - you are paying her for working for you.

I'd imagine that you need to give her a week's notice.

AramintaDeWinter · 04/02/2015 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Figamol · 04/02/2015 20:12

Yep sucking it up till Sunday is the plan :) No entitlements as she didn't want a contract and the 12 days notice was really because I think the other family are away for the school holidays, nothing to do with being considerate to me ;) Ah well live and learn!

OP posts:
seeminglyso · 04/02/2015 20:13

Personally I wouldn't leave anyone with nowhere to go.

Original poster
Figamol · 04/02/2015 20:16

Thats my dilemma, I agree. But she did just have a long weekend at a friends house so I assume she would be welcome back there for a few days. Also the new family must know she's leaving someone in the lurch so hopefully they'll take some responsibility.

OP posts:
ohbollocks2u · 04/02/2015 20:22

A long weekend at a friends house or testing out her new employers ?

Have they requested references ....

How did you manage to employ her in good faith ???

londonrach · 04/02/2015 20:24

Never had au pair but Tbh id be worried re valuables if allowed to stay till sunday.

PtolemysNeedle · 04/02/2015 20:26

How did she react when you asked her to leave on Sunday?

I wouldn't have told her until you weren't going to need her for child are anymore, but as you have given her notice and haven't chucked her out straight away, you've been more than generous.

Marynary · 04/02/2015 20:27

Why was the job with you only until April? I don't really think it is unreasonable for her to get another job if the one with you was only for a three months. Doesn't everyone look for a permanent job if their current one is only temporary?

MrsTawdry · 04/02/2015 20:28

You can't just kick her out! Shock you're just annoyed because she was a disappointment....and she got in first. Look at it this way...you weren't pleased with her...now she's off. No loss. Let her stay.

Original poster
Figamol · 04/02/2015 20:28

No she was definitely at a friends house. Noone has requested references, maybe she hasn't told them she's already an au pair here. I employed her in good faith of the au pair scheme be part of our family in return for small remuneration (well over the recommended actually), she was recommended to me by someone local, and I checked out and called all her references. I don't feel like I have any valuables that I wouldn't notice missing on Sunday morning but I'll lock my bedroom door just in case.

OP posts:
ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 04/02/2015 20:29

YANBU. Tell her that luckily you have managed to find replacement cover despite the short notice (your dad) so you need the room back. You're sure she will understand...

Lammy7 · 04/02/2015 20:32

If someone is making you uncomfortable in your own home then YANBU to ask them to leave BUT in this case I feel she should only go on Sunday if she is happy to go and has somewhere else to stay, otherwise if it was me I would suck it up until she starts her new position. If you force her out on a bad note then watch your valuables etc. Good luck with the outcome.

Original poster
Figamol · 04/02/2015 20:33

I considered asking her to leave with 24 hours notice on Saturday but figured thats pretty unreasonable so am giving her 5 days to find an arrangement. My Dads coming now so I really need the space back, Im not having him stay in a hotel whilst she lolls around the house! It was only until April end as we're moving then and with extra costs won't be able to afford her anymore, I don't know if I promised someone Id stay the agreed time, I would do, but thats just me. There are several nanny jobs being posted daily in the area, she would have got one no problem in a couple of months.

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 04/02/2015 20:34

There would be a loss though MrsTawdry, OP genuinely needs the room back. She not being difficult just for the sake of it.