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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my mother in law to back off?

17 replies

kermie · 04/02/2015 11:35

I get on well with my mother in law, who lives literally around the corner from us. Since the beginning of January she has taken it upon herself to walk to school with dd2 and myself every single day! Argh!!! I wouldn't mind occasionally, but everyday is driving me insane. At 8:25 she arrives and distracts dd2 from getting ready for school. Plus I don't want anyone seeing the state of the house at that time in the morning! She then proceeds to walk with us, poor dd2 is getting pulled in half by MIL trying to cross the road at questionable times, when I am saying stop, look, listen as there is a car coming . She then waits in the playground and when I kiss and hug dd2 goodbye nanny wants hugs and kisses too. Grrr. This is my time with dd2 I don't want to share it. Also dd1 is disabled with special needs, I was never able to do the walk to school with her as she is picked up by school transport. This is the only time I get alone just me and dd2, and it's precious . Sorry to rant...

OP posts:

DeanKoontz · 04/02/2015 11:38

You have two choices I think. Either use this to your advantage, or nip it in the bud now.

You don't mention hometime. Do you pick up then? and does MIL come with you?

ineedtogetthisout · 04/02/2015 11:38

Have you asked her to stop coming in the morning.

YANBU, but she isn't a mind reader.

theforceawakens · 04/02/2015 11:39

She is probably trying to be helpful and no doubt enjoys seeing her DGD every morning. But it's bothering you (and I can see why given the situation with your DD1) so could you have a gentle chat with her about it? Or maybe suggest that she takes DD2 to school one day per week on her own and you will do the rest?

kinkyfuckery · 04/02/2015 11:40

Could she be persuaded to pick her up from school and drop her home instead?

pluCaChange · 04/02/2015 11:46

This is akin to having someone coming round to wind the children up in the afternoon, just before supper, or just before bed. It's fine to explain that it's a stressful time of day and not convenient. It's also fine to say you miss the time alone with DD2.

fuzzywuzzy · 04/02/2015 11:51

Would you consider offering her pick ups? Or asking her to do the school walks run one day a week?

She sounds like she's a granny who wants to be involved.

rocketnot · 04/02/2015 11:54

Maybe she thinks she's being helpful, or really misses or looks forward to doing that with her dgc. Maybe she misses doing it with her dc..

Maybe have a quiet chat with her and say that you miss doing it with dd on your own and the quality time and that you find yourself stressed at that time in the morning. And if she's really gutted maybe you could arrange to do them on your own, but for her to come round and drop dd off on her own one morning a week or something.
You could put your feet up with a cuppa.. and enjoy the rest of the mornings alone with dd.

NeedABumChange · 04/02/2015 12:51

Could you give her a day when she can come. Say something like "it's been lovely having you walk to school with us. Let's make this a regular thing every Friday?"

Could say it's an end of week treat for dd and makes it more special being only one day?

nunkspugget · 04/02/2015 13:42

This would annoy me too. It's so intrusive. But, a simple "I think I'd like to do the school run alone from now on" will fix it!

SaucyJack · 04/02/2015 13:45

YANBU at all. She'll probably start following you to the toilet next

Although if she's that bored, as others have said give her a day to do it by herself while you get an extra hour in your jimjams.

MrsTawdry · 04/02/2015 13:53

I am with Nunk don't beat around the bush.

Lonelynessie · 04/02/2015 14:21

This would annoy me too, could you leave a bit earlier or walk a different route?

UncleT · 04/02/2015 14:30

Wow, what a cow - wanting to regularly see the grandchildren and giving them hugs...... Nightmare.

OK, seriously, it might be annoying how regular a thing this has become, but talk to her about it and cut it down a bit if it's that disruptive. Alternatively, be grateful she's bothered.

rocketnot · 04/02/2015 15:07

I'm with uncle t. I wouldn't be rude or passive aggressive about it, it's lovely she's trying to share it with you and however annoying you may find it she might just see it as an opportunity to bond with you both.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face as they say, she's clearly game to help out and be hands on and you never know when you might need that in the future!

MayLuke83 · 04/02/2015 16:32

YANBU. That's intrusive. Intentions are good but definitely too involved everyday!

manchestermummy · 04/02/2015 16:35

Yes, you need to say something. My MIL is similar and always wants to pick up the dc, whereas if we can, we would like to pick up our children.

hamptoncourt · 04/02/2015 16:41

Oh dear! Every day is a bit much. I think you are going to have to tell her it's your special time with DD and you don't want to share it. Can you ask her to take DD one day a week without you so you can do something else go back to bed?

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