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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Youre going into hospital?!'

62 replies

SneakretSanta · 04/02/2015 07:42

'...but, what's going to happen to the baby?'

Errrr. His other parent will look after him.

Often followed by: 'On his own? Is your Mum/ his Mum coming to help??'

No. Because he is a competent adult who in the past six months has already unravelled the mysteries of nappies, tiny clothes and amusing/ consoling his son.

This is quite genuinely the first and mostly only question people have asked me upon learning I'm imminently going to be hospitalised (not for very long or for anything very serious).

AIBU to think if it was DP going in NOBODY WOULD ASK THIS??

Disclaimer: I'm not looking forward to this at all and am very very hangry on pre-op diet, so fully prepared to be considered unreasonable.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 04/02/2015 07:44

Yanbu. I've had this said to me before , i just feel sorry for people who think that way.

AtTheEndOfTheTunnel · 04/02/2015 09:33

YANBU I hate it when people act like a bloke is some sort of hero when he takes his child/children out on his own. And don't get me started on people saying that a bloke is 'babysitting' when he's looking after his own child while the mother goes out.

TheRealMaryMillington · 04/02/2015 09:36

yup

the patriarchy has really done a number on us all.

or were they just thinking that he'd want to be in the hozzie with you?

good luck with the op, OP.

Babiecakes11 · 04/02/2015 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sliceofsoup · 04/02/2015 09:45

YANBU.

On nights out I get the comments, "oh is DH babysitting tonight then?"

Err no. He is being a parent. He isn't hired help FFS.

Really annoys me.

DoJo · 04/02/2015 09:45

Assuming you are on maternity leave and your husband works, do they not just mean 'will he be taking time off or will your mum/his mum/someone else be coming to do daytime baby care'?
I'm surprised, tbh - nobody has ever expressed this kind of thing to me, so I wonder whether my friends are particularly enlightened, or just don't give a monkeys and assume we have organised things appropriately!

MrsTawdry · 04/02/2015 09:47

Oh my Mum has been known to say "You have to go to London for work! I'll pop in to check on your DH and the kids."

Which is not only insulting to DH but it's weird that she things he can't manage!

Tangoandcreditcards · 04/02/2015 09:57

YANBU.

I have gone back to work and DP is SAHD. (DS was 10 mo when i went back)

The amount of people who directly ask or imply that he doesn't know how to look after DS without my instruction. The answer to "how is he coping?" is always the same answer "better than I would". Would anyone ask a father returning after pat leave if his DW/DSO was capable of looking after their child?

And YY to the dreaded babysitting - colleagues have said this to me "does DP babysit then?" - my response "yes, all day every day, but we call it parenting".

Hope you get well soon, and that your DH 'copes' ok!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 04/02/2015 09:59

YANBU

I nearly throttled ExMIL when she commented that her son (DD's father) was babysitting whilst I went out. YOU CANNOT BABYSIT YOUR OWN CHILD! Stupid woman!

EdSheeran · 04/02/2015 10:11

Totally not BU! Best of luck in hospital. :)

TwoOddSocks · 04/02/2015 10:13

YANBU

My DS is 2.5 years old now and if I still get asked whose looking after him when I'm away from him. My husband's never been asked the same.

Smallcogbigwheel · 04/02/2015 10:18

Big Sis I go away together at least once a year sometimes more.

Despite BIL doing well over half the school drop off's pick up and over 50% of the day to day stuff, he still gets asked if he'll 'cope' with DSis away.

He finds it really insulting.

BeeRayKay · 04/02/2015 10:18

YANNNNNNNNBU!

I hate this. My family quickly learnt that to say it to me was to annoy me. I detest it, DH hates it even more.

He frequently takes the girls out for the day so I can have a day off. Other people think he's amazing and wonderful for doing this and it irritates me. He's their dad just as much as I'm their mum. He has equal PR to me, so surely he's as entitled to having time with them as I am? And I am as entitled to a break from them as he is?

He doesn't babysit. Ever.
He is just the parent with them when I'm out and vice versa. My CM babysits for us. Not me.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 04/02/2015 10:22

I get this all the time when I'm at work or out for an evening:

"Who's looking after your children?!" Er, their other parent?!

I have checked with XH and no-one has ever asked him this in 8 years of being a father.

samithesausage · 04/02/2015 10:25

My son had a head injury. Next day he was sick at school and needed to go to a and e. I had to collect the other DCs from school, so DP had to go to accident an emergency with DS.
Of course it went of facebook and he was the golden boy from all his mates. Nevermind he rang me every five minutes for medical history and date of births. I had to speak to the doctor on the phone, and when I got there, they had him down as 11 instead of 5, and using the 11 year old's medical history!

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 04/02/2015 10:27

That's very worrying sami!

dancestomyowntune · 04/02/2015 10:28

I have been in hospital since last Thursday and expect I'll be here a while yet. Dh is "coping" very well with our four children, in fact my mum (who lives with us) even told me he's much more organised than I am!

kinkyfuckery · 04/02/2015 10:28

YANBU. I get this if I am seen anywhere on my own (out for the night, shopping, appointment) It's fucking annoying.

bonkersLFDT20 · 04/02/2015 10:31

Father out with young child.

Randomer: Awwww, how lovely, are you giving the Mum a break?
Father: Ermmm, no, I am looking after my child.

Sigh...there's nothing like a new Dad with a baby in a sling in a supermarket to bring our ALL the help.

Oh and while we're on the topic...when do you think my son's school will think to call THE FATHER if child needs collecting? They have known me for 12 years. They KNOW I have a job (heck, they invited me in to talk about it).

zippyandbungle · 04/02/2015 10:34

Yandu. My DM always does this and my children are teens. It really really boils my piss. She fell out with me because dd1 was injured at school and school couldn't get me (first number) so rang DH (other contact) who went to collect her. DM tore strips off my for her name not being before DH, her dad? DH was a bit pissed with her as well. He is mostly a more than capable grown up.

bonkersLFDT20 · 04/02/2015 10:36

Father out with young child.

Randomer: Awwww, how lovely, are you giving the Mum a break?
Father: Ermmm, no, I am looking after my child.

Sigh...there's nothing like a new Dad with a baby in a sling in a supermarket to bring our ALL the help.

Idontseeanysontarans · 04/02/2015 10:37

YANBU. I've never had it but DH has.
In fact both DH and DS got it one time:
Last year they had all gone for a walk leaving me at home in bed with a bad headache, so DH, DS (13), DD1 (8) and DD 2 (2). DS's was holding the lead on the youngest's back pack. They encountered the local hiking group at the nature reserve and got roundly patronised off 15 or so people - mostly women - about the fact that not only was 'poor DH' babysitting HIS OWN 3 children but poor DS was 'having' to help out by holding his sisters' reins...
Just to add insult to injury one of them went on to tell DD to be a little mum and help Daddy because they were a handful, quite successfully managing to insult all 4 of them in a fairly short space of time.

It still pisses him off now.

LittleBairn · 04/02/2015 10:39

I had this sort of attitude recently when hospitalised for 5 weeks "poor DH how is he coping?" The only child we have is currently housed inside me all he had to do was care for himself!

LittleBairn · 04/02/2015 10:40

bonkers WTF the questioned you about working?!

IAmAllImportant · 04/02/2015 10:47

I get this a lot, I am a student nurse. 'Who babysits the kids?'. Um, no one, their Dad looks after them!

When DS (my youngest) was three months old I got rushed in to hospital. The one thing I did not have to worry about was the DC and their routines! He was part of it all.

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