I live with my 9 year old DD from my previous marriage. My partner is 10 years older than me and has two children aged 26 and 30. I live in small but lovely 2 bed home with DD where we are very happy. Partner has large but scruffy house. We have been together a few years but I have never really wanted to live with him.
However, we are now expecting a baby (my miracle baby as thought I couldn't have anymore). I could stay here, and obv baby will be in room with me to start with anyway. I am self employed hairdresser but my income is relatively low so i would struggle to increase my mortgage to buy a 3 bed (we live in Kent) and would probably have to get an employed job, which is not a problem really as there are usually hairdressing jobs going locally.
Or, DP suggests that we move in with him. One of his sons (who is 30) lives there part time (stays at gf few nights a week) and sorry but he is a messy pig. DP showed me his room the other day and it is a stinking hovel. I was shocked. You can smell it as you walk past the room. He also at his age has to be told that he really should take a shower, brush his teeth, that his hair/clothes need a wash (by DP,not by me!!). His spare time is spent glued to xbox.
DP has now announced that another of his sons, aged 26 will also be moving in. He is a nice chap and not unhygienic like the other but is finishing full time study in a few months therefore when we move in will not be working.
I do not see these lads as my stepsons - there is same age gap between me and eldest, and me and DP! They are the same age as my friends. I have barely had any contact with them since we have been together - just had them over for Christmas, seen at birthdays etc. I do like them as people, but our lives have been quite seperate. DP and I have split several times over the last couple of years and DP has told them his story (ie. missing out what he has done to me) and I really don't think they like me.
At first I agreed to all this but now I am thinking I am going to be at home with newborn baby and two adult men whom I don't really know (the one who works, works some nights so is often home daytime). I just don't want to do it and am being made to feel that I am unreasonable because of this.
I just feel that for a start us living together for the first time, and even more so bringing home a newborn, should be quiet and peaceful and somewhere I feel at home and relaxed to have best possible chance of things working out. I have spoken at length to DD about the possibility of moving and she said she would be happy to move (bigger bedroom, bigger garden etc!) but she would be equally happy here and I do worry about if we move in and things go wrong and we have to move out again, the upheaval/changes/effect it would have on her
To me, I make sense, but I wonder if those pregnancy hormones are making me unreasonable/selfish and I just can't see it 