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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to potty train. I just don't. Completely U, I know...

107 replies

MaebyF · 03/02/2015 13:58

DD has just turned 3. We haven't tried potty training as she's not shown too many signs of being interested, and we also don't have a baby so changing 3-4 nappies a day has hardly been an issue. Even the CM hasn't thought DD is massively ready.

Now we have a long weekend ahead of us with no plans and it does seem a good opportunity to give it a go.

But... but... I just don't want to! I know she needs to learn at some point. I know that every parent goes through it at some point. I just want someone to wave a magic wand and for DD to be trained already Grin

Seriously, do I have to stay in all weekend? Or can I least sneak in a visit to soft play in the morning and then do a few hours at home? And football classes on Sunday morning? One place I read says you can build up and mix and match nappies and pants, another place says you have to do just pants for all the time they're awake...

Can someone else come and do this for me?

OP posts:
MyIronLung · 03/02/2015 17:33

In the beginning I kept ds in just pants at home but if we had to go out I put him in a nappy as he was nowhere near ready to go out without one. As soon as we got back in the house I took the nappy off and would tell him to try on the potty. I don't think this confused him.

He's 3.5 and we started just before Christmas. The reason I didn't do it sooner was the same as you, I just really didn't want to!

We're now at the point where we can go out and I don't worry too much about accidents. I ask him if he needs to go (he always says no when we're out though) and I plonk him on a toilet.
At home he just goes as and when he needs to. We very rarely have accidents anymore.

Potty training completely sucks the big one! I hated the first couple of weeks but this was my own fault. I was paranoid about accidents on the carpet so I completely pissed ds off by going on and on and on about going on the potty. This did not go in my favour! After I realised that I wasn't helping anything I completely chilled out.
I covered the floor/sofa ect in towels and left him to it. Once I stopped bugging him he just started doing it!

Good luck Grin

pointythings · 03/02/2015 17:44

The Hakluyt method completely worked with both of mine. Dry, clean, independently using the toilet within 5 days. Potty training? No, thanks.

bigkidsdidit · 03/02/2015 17:55

They can be ready without showing signs! My ds1 trained with no fuss, over two days, having never showed signs.

I think mix and match is very confusing for them.

I don't understand why you would hang on for years past when ou could train them, it is SO much easier when they can take themselves off to the loo!

bigkidsdidit · 03/02/2015 17:56

My da1 was 2.7, by the way - I could have left it a year until he decided for himself but it was still done and dusted in 2 days

Rebecca2014 · 03/02/2015 17:57

I hate it...going do it when I got a week off. She's nearly 3 so I want get it done yet I know I am going worry about her wetting herself when out.

Bunbaker · 03/02/2015 18:34

"Just I can't ever quite see a weekend we'll have nothing to do"

Why not? Just make a weekend free. Order your shopping online or go after work one day.

DD didn't really show signs of being ready, but at two years eight months I decided it was now or never.

We had a TV in our kitchen so we decamped there (easy to clean floor) and I just put her in little pants and allowed her to feel the discomfort of being wet. It took three days. A month later she refused a night time nappy and was dry at night.

bigkidsdidit · 03/02/2015 18:44

You wouldn't delay weaning till they were 12 months because you didn't fancy cooking, would you? Or not teach them to swim till they were 13 as it's a pain washing their kit? It's just something else parents do.

bigbluestars · 03/02/2015 18:47

bigkidsdidit- I allowed my children to self wean, they decided the timing, not me. They also walked and talked in their own time too. Children are clever that way.

bigkidsdidit · 03/02/2015 18:51

I'm sure you still provided them food, though. And cooked it and wiped the floor. Unless you just let them forage in the cupboards?

bigbluestars · 03/02/2015 18:54

Yes, I also provided my children with a toilet, tissue and clean underwear. But they toilet trained themselves- just as they decided when to walk, talk and eat solid food.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 03/02/2015 18:57

I suppose the self weaning child also determines its own bedtime, what it will do at school, (indeed if it feels like going at all), when it wants to watch TV, play on the computer, without any help at all.

ProveMeWrong · 03/02/2015 19:03

It's only one weekend. I reckon she will get it. All you do is leave her without a nappy on day 1 at home with potty nearby. Go to the football, just have a couple of changes ready, some kitchen roll, antibac spray and some wipes and a plastic bag handy. Mine had a wee on the floor of the corner shop and still the world didn't implode! Honestly wet pants and trousers take seconds to whip off, no biggie.

bigbluestars · 03/02/2015 19:04

You suppose wrongly. Computers, TV even school are all constructs though, unlike eating and walking.

ProveMeWrong · 03/02/2015 19:06

By the way, no one tells you but there is a long period where you have to remind/ guide them to loo as mine waits and holds until he is bursting as he is too busy playing!

MyIronLung · 03/02/2015 19:18

prove yep mine does this too. I think Ds is worried about missing something amazing!

Original poster
MaebyF · 03/02/2015 19:26

See, even this thread shows you can't even read a simple guide to help you, there are so many different opinions!

I never said I was going to leave her in nappies until she was 12. I'm just not particularly looking forward to doing this stage.

And I am so definitely not going to a busy football class on day 2 of potty training with a wet wipe to clear it up Hmm That's about as polite as going to soft play on day 2...

Right now I can't entirely see how chasing her around with a potty, constantly reminding her to go, and carrying half a dozen changes of clothes on a day out is easier than changing a nappy 4 times a day.

But of course, it is something that needs doing and so we'll do it. I just don't have to be super duper wow excited about the process.

After reading other posts, I've decided we'll nappy it when we have to go out but keep the trips short for this weekend, pants inside with a lovely bribe if she goes, and if she doesn't get it within 3-4 days then we'll stop for another month or two. She's 3, she'll understand perfectly what is going on, it just depends if she wants to do it.

OP posts:
PoppySausage · 03/02/2015 19:27

Don't then! I didn't... 3.3 she just did if and 3.4 dry at night... Ta da!!!

mikado1 · 03/02/2015 19:31

I didn't 'train'-in the summer I took off nappy in morning and left it off for a few hours-when he weed once or twice on floor I just showed him nearby potty for next time. Then I offered nappy or pants at each change and was v nonchalant about the choice. One day he chose pants and off he went! Don't remind him at all, he gives himself loads of time and there you go, all done with zero effort!! :)

Original poster
MaebyF · 03/02/2015 19:43

I can see that - it's "training" if they have something about the process to learn, but maybe if they're a bit older and they understand it they might do it quicker.

Have just had a chat with DD about this. She is less than impressed at the suggestion that she has to start saying bye-bye to nappies Grin

OP posts:
MrsMook · 03/02/2015 19:43

I tried DS at 3 when nursery raised it. He wasn't very verbal and an attempt the previous summer was fruitless. With the agreement of nursery, he had his first pants day there, loaded up with 5 pairs of identical cheap jogging bottoms and umpteen pairs of Thomas pants. No potties. No chance after scraping out a soft poo from one of our experiments. I can do cloth nappies, but gouging that out of a potty exceeds my personal limit, so it was straight to the toilet. After a week or so, the accidents calmed down. The only time I put a nappy on was for a long drive a few days in. Our regular activities were close enough to go to the loo at either end of the journey. Nagging too much wasn't helpful, just a reminder if it seemed a while. After a month he decided on pants at night. One year on and he's very independent at it, and begining to use a cubicle with me at the door.

Dawnywoo · 03/02/2015 19:44

When they are ready they will tell you.

editthis · 03/02/2015 19:49

I can't stand people wandering round with a potty in a plastic bag! This isn't very helpful! I went for the cold turkey approach re: pants so toted a potty around for a week or two and assumed other mothers would understand! Grin

OP I think PP suggesting you go to football assumed it was outside!

waitingforthegroundtoopen · 03/02/2015 19:54

We're in the midsts of potty trainign dd. She has pants or bare bottom at home, and the choice to use the big girl toilet or potty whenever dh or I go to the toilet and a potty in every room which she manages to take herself to most of the time. I have lots of kitchen roll and a few bottles of vanish carpet cleaner around.

We're in and out a lot, so have accepted we need to mix and match and that it will probably mean it takes a bit longer. If it wasn't so cold out and or toilets were more readily avaliable I'd be tempted to trying to go cold turkey. But it's currently too cold to use the potty outside and she's not got the control to hold on for the 5 plus minutes it would take for us to get somewhere sutiable to use a potty or find a toilet. So she has pull ups on and today at the surgestion of a nursery nurse on the health visiting team cheep pants under a pull up when we need to be out and about. It's made a difference as she feels when she's starting to go and has been able to hold on for a bit longer than before, so not completely dry but not doing a full wee before we get to the toilet. The one accident she had at home this evening was much smaller too.

We need to be out almost everyday at the moment for the foreseable future. But she's been a nappy refuser since she was little and only keeps them on out and about anyway.

carabos · 03/02/2015 19:55

Completely agree with Hakluyt. Hold your nerve, train direct to the loo and hey bingo. I promise she won't be going to school in a nappy.

BauerTime · 03/02/2015 20:22

So glad I've come across this thread! I'm getting grief to potty train DS at 18m because he has started to make himself wee when he is in the bath.

I seriously don't believe it's likely that an 18m old will be ready to potty train just because they stand up in the bath, shout wee wee and squeeze one out. MIL thinks he is a child genius Confused