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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men and housework...

85 replies

madchocolatemum48 · 03/02/2015 11:10

Background: Dh works away a lot. When he is home he renovates our new house.
Our house is now finished (but dh still works away)
He is home for quite long periods at a time ( a few weeks) with not much to do now around the house.
I am a SAHM and do lions share of everything, never a problem before.
He helps when it suits him and when I ask him specifically to do something.
Is it unreasonable to think he should do more without having to write a detailed list.
"can you tidy the bathroom? means something completely different to him than it does to me, for him it means lifting towels from the floor Confused So I end up saying "Can you pick up the towels, clean the dinnermints off the sink(Blobs of kids toothpaste)use the loo brush in the loo, checking for 'dribble' marks while doing so, clean the mirror of kids fingerprints etc,etc,"
Don't get me started on "Can you tidy the kitchen?" .......
When he does use his own initiative and vacuums a room with out being asked, then I get the impression a standing ovation is required from me.
It's like having a 3rd child, the way things have to be explained to him.
Is it just mine or do most men just not get the housework thing.

OP posts:
Stinkylinky · 05/02/2015 14:19

YANBU

My DP is so messy and doesn't help out with the cleaning of the house, he does his share of washing up, cooking and DIY but asking him to help out with anything else is met with a flat no. Watching him try to work the washing machine is entertaining to say the least.

Every morning I have to shut his drawers and wardrobe doors and clear up after he had made his breakfast and morning coffee (which he spills all over the worktop each morning Hmm)

Nagging doesn't work so I just do it otherwise my house would be a pig sty!

cailindana · 05/02/2015 14:27

Stinky - do you not find that attitude really disrespectful? As in "I'll spill coffee all over the counters but I won't clear it up because I couldn't give a shit if you have to live in a filthy house"?

Stinkylinky · 05/02/2015 14:31

Cailindana - he's not disrespectful at all, if he was or I found him that way, I wouldn't be with him.

He would clean up after himself if I left it, but in his own time.

cailindana · 05/02/2015 14:33

Fair enough.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 05/02/2015 17:01

Disgaree Amanda, our house runs fine housework wise and nobody is told off for leaving things out etc. So where the adults are both happy it's because one is controlling and the other does as they are told Hmm

TheRealAmandaClarke · 05/02/2015 17:22

I didnt say that snowwhite
And i also said i was describing my own experience of what ppl say.

WineIsMyMainVice · 05/02/2015 22:30

Worksallhours - this is precisely why we, as mothers, have a responsibility and duty to other women of the next generation to teach our sons not only what to do but how to do it and why!

BallsforEarrings · 05/02/2015 22:58

I was just going to say - it needs cleaning not just tidying! Men usually take instructions literally and he does 'tidy' the bathroom but doesn't knw you want it 'cleaning' too as you didn't ask for that!

BruceTwee · 05/02/2015 23:26

Totally agree Thurlow.

My wife was a sahm but I'd do as much as was feasible. She's an amazing wife but is messy as hell in the kitchen whereas I'm bordering on ocd with cleaning. When she cooks there isn't a day that goes by where there isn't flour, gravy, butter, sauce or anything else that's not splattered everywhere. I'm constantly wiping, scrubbing and even repainting the walls!

I cannot understand why she's like this but other than joke about it I wouldn't dare moan as my ocd is exactly that. Mine.

I have much higher standards of cleaning than she does but that's probably as I did a lot of cleaning jobs when young. We're just different and is the way it is.

Original poster
madchocolatemum48 · 06/02/2015 09:53

Just popped back to say thanks for all the opinions, views, suggestions. Some things I hadn't even considered.
I generally have no problem with dh. Our set up works for the most part, just the niggly bits really that get my back up.
I realize I probably fall into the perfectionist, quite possibly anal, ocd category.
He, unfortunately falls into the 'just a lazy bastard' category. I have always know this though.
He is around more at the moment and I think just getting on my nerves a little. Basically when he is not here he doesn't make a mess. Simple really..
Just have to find him a little project........

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