Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To not understand why grown adults (men) are so stubborn about going to bed when they're obviously tired?

106 replies

ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 20:56

DH is tired, he's been snoring on and off for the last 30 minutes.. he started a new job recently and is adjusting to the new sleep routine, he's up from 5am in the morning, so by this time of night, is flagging.

but.he.will.not.go.to.fucking.bed!!!

"Go to bed if you're that tired" says i after listening to him snore for 30 minutes.
"No, its too early"
"Go to bed!" after another hour of it
"No, i want to finish my drink"

last week he spent nearly two hours trying to get rid of an annoying bit of skin on his finger around falling asleep and me repeatedly telling him to go to bed.. i swear the excuses why he won't just get stupid. Eventually i give up and go to bed myself about 10.30, and then he comes up 5 minutes after i've fallen asleep and disturbs me.

My dad used to do this as well.

ffs, if you're that fucking tired you can't stay awake for more than 5 minutes. GO TO FUCKING BED!!!

OP posts:

MrsMook · 02/02/2015 21:47

Another DH that does it here too. It wouldn't be so annoying if he didn't want to catch up at the weekend whe there's two lively pre-schoolers bouncing around. He gets up for work later than me too (and does the annoying repeat sleep on the alarm routine which I suspect is another predominantly male trait)

BathtimeFunkster · 02/02/2015 21:47

I want to cling on to awake child and work-free time.

Yup :)

I don't concede that it's a failure if I doze off, though

Rumandcokeplease · 02/02/2015 21:47

It's definitely a man thing! I work a couple of evenings a week and he's always asleep on the sofa when I get in from work, I tend to turn everything off and leave him there!! Also, when he's ill he'll happily take up a full sofa rather than staying in bed out of the way! I wouldn't mind but when our first child was born he insisted on coming to bed at the same time as me (v early) then moaned when we woke him up several times a night. He refused to sleep on the sofa!
We have a superking sized bed as well!

CatsClaus · 02/02/2015 22:00

early nights all round I should say!

dh will snooze and snore in the evening on the sofa, and then mooch about the next day wondering why he hasn't slept that well once he goes to bed

simply cannot see the correlation between the two/three hour nap of an evening and poor sleep later on. I mostly ignore his moaning, with the occasional venomous hissy fit as he yet again monopolises the tv and snores all through, or tosses and turns all bloody night.

SummerHouse · 02/02/2015 22:03

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

SummerHouse · 02/02/2015 22:05

minipie · 02/02/2015 22:05

I do this.

As Tethers said I'm clinging to my tiny bit of work and child free time.

And as Isabeau said, it's a tiny rebellion against the rest of my life where I have to do what I "ought" to do. Stupid as it's only me who suffers! but there you go.

Oh, and I'm not a man

sticks2 · 02/02/2015 22:06

I couldn't believe it when I saw this thread. This is an annoyance I've put up with for years!

My DH refuses to go to bed when he's tired, falls asleep on the sofa every evening and ends up going to bed any time between 1am and 3am (after he's woken up sore or cold).

Then he wonders why he's tired.

SummerHouse · 02/02/2015 22:08

Just asked my dp why he is still up. He said "didn't want to be the first to leave the party". I am on here and he is watching the news.

Some party!

DancingDinosaur · 02/02/2015 22:11

I do this. Clinging on to my only bit of peace whilst the children sleep. And then I regret it in the morning. Dh only the other hand is always sensible and goes to bed at a reasonable hour.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/02/2015 22:17

At least if I'm on the sofa I doze off.

If I start doing something else I will stay up doing it until 1 or 2am. Later sometimes.

Sleep seems such a waste of my free time!

Unless it's the morning, in which case sleep is the greates thing ever and I can't bear to stop doing it.

DancingDinosaur · 02/02/2015 22:21

Yeah I get that bath. The mornings are hard!!!

Gruntfuttock · 02/02/2015 22:36

My DH goes to bed at 12.30 unless he has to get up early, in which case he goes to bed earlier. Most nights I'm up till at least 2am and often till 3am. My DH doesn't mind in the least.

Greenrememberedhills · 02/02/2015 22:36

We used to have this. The needing to catch up at weekends because of late nights in the week is sexist lazy bollocks when the kids are small. I should never have put up with it.

FATEdestiny · 02/02/2015 22:37

DH has always done this.

I never, ever let it pass. I don't nag or whine about it. But every night I point out he is falling asleep, his body is therefore telling him he is tired and it would be wise to go to bed. Every night I say the same thing. Gradually, slowly, he is getting it. He goes to bed earlier now or goes up as soon as he starts nodding on the sofa.

I could never sleep on the sofa during the evening. If I did, I would have real trouble getting back to sleep upstairs at night. He can sleep on the sofa for an hour, get up, lock doors and switch things off, go to bed and immediately carry on sleeping. The act of waking up and doing stuff would have me awake for a couple of hours

I don't get it. Our biology must be very different.

thereisnocheese · 02/02/2015 22:44

Yep, same over here. The same conversation every night.

mayfridaycomequickly · 02/02/2015 22:53

Dp and I both do this - it infuriates us both!

We're out just after 7am, not home till gone 6pm. By the time we play with ds, get him to bed, do packed lunches, housework etc it's 8.30 / 9 pm when we have dinner.

Then we want to wind down, watch tv, one or both of us will have work prep to do... We're done in by 10.30 really but we're often up after midnight just because we begrudge only having 'work, eat, sleep' going on during the week.

We're stupid - we need more sleep, we just never give in!

RJnomore · 02/02/2015 23:00

Trills and bath have obviously both had too much of their sleep disturbed by men doing this very thing, thus making them very grumpy

BaronessBomburst · 02/02/2015 23:07

OP, YABU.
You should have posted this thread in 'Sleep'.
Ain't that right, Trills?

MrsDumbledore · 02/02/2015 23:09

Am always moaning at my dh for this -hadn't realised it was a common male trait! He laughs at me because I go to bed whenever I feel like it eg wouldn't think twice about going up at 9 if I was particularly tired. But then he always stays up until at least 11, usually after 12 and then has difficulty waking up in the morning and moans about being tired all the time. So annoying!

Sparklingbrook · 02/02/2015 23:12

I get this. DH always has the white knuckle grip on the Sky remote too. Make any attempt to unfurl his fingers and he wakes up and claims to be watching whatever it is.

DollyMcDolly · 02/02/2015 23:26

My DH is like this. Moans about being tired all the time. If I ask if he's going to bed, he will say it's too early to go to bed. Don't moan to me that you're tired then ffs

Honeydragon · 02/02/2015 23:31

I thought the brackets (men) after "grown adults" made the thread indicate an impending tongue in cheek rant about a specific man coming up, whilst indicating that the thread encompassed grown adults in general.

That was my understanding, such are the myriad wonders of the human brain and written word. Wouldn't it be a dull world if we were all alike?

Dh is usually in bed by 9pm as he has a very early start. Therefore if I complain I'm tired and he comes out the immortal lines "go to bed" ... I want to murder him, as the reason I'm usually not in it is due to dc unwell and awake/ free ranging dc/un walked dog or pick up a child from clubs.

In his defence he grew up with a sleep martyr mother so I do think he says it without thinking

blueshoes · 02/02/2015 23:35

I am the one who fights to stay up. My dh always goes to bed well before me and warms it up for when I am finally ready to call it day.

Never noticed this behaviour in my dh or any of my boyfriends.

SorchaN · 02/02/2015 23:36

I do this. My (male) partner wants to go to bed at a reasonable time, but I can't bring myself to get into bed before 1am, even though I never get enough sleep and repeatedly snooze my alarm in the morning. Fortunately my partner is very tolerant!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5