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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why grown adults (men) are so stubborn about going to bed when they're obviously tired?

106 replies

ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 20:56

DH is tired, he's been snoring on and off for the last 30 minutes.. he started a new job recently and is adjusting to the new sleep routine, he's up from 5am in the morning, so by this time of night, is flagging.

but.he.will.not.go.to.fucking.bed!!!

"Go to bed if you're that tired" says i after listening to him snore for 30 minutes.
"No, its too early"
"Go to bed!" after another hour of it
"No, i want to finish my drink"

last week he spent nearly two hours trying to get rid of an annoying bit of skin on his finger around falling asleep and me repeatedly telling him to go to bed.. i swear the excuses why he won't just get stupid. Eventually i give up and go to bed myself about 10.30, and then he comes up 5 minutes after i've fallen asleep and disturbs me.

My dad used to do this as well.

ffs, if you're that fucking tired you can't stay awake for more than 5 minutes. GO TO FUCKING BED!!!

OP posts:
OrangeRhinoInTraining · 02/02/2015 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/02/2015 21:20

My best mate does it too.

She's not a man. Or of a different species.

CrystalHaze · 02/02/2015 21:22

Mine too. Drives me insane.

Original poster
ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 21:22

thats nice Bath.

did we forget our sense of humour this evening? Perhaps you ought to go to bed if you're tired and grumpy? ::headtilt::

OP posts:
wanderings · 02/02/2015 21:26

Rebellion against enforced bedtime from childhood; probably also rebellion against restricted screen time from youth.

Also as CS Lewis observes in "The Silver Chair": it's a funny thing that the more tired you are, the longer you take about going to bed.

DorothyBastard · 02/02/2015 21:26

God this is my DH. He falls asleep on the sofa and will not be encouraged to go up to bed no matter how I suggest it. Then he'll suddenly announce "I'm really sorry, I'm exhausted, I'm just going to have to go up to bed" as if he's letting me down by heading up before me! To be fair he does work fucking hard, long hours, often gets up with toddler DD so I can have an extra hour in bed, and is an all-round good egg Smile

Hubb · 02/02/2015 21:30

My DH does it as well......soooo annoying, he actually says the "Im not sleeping I'm just resting my eyes" thing and takes himself seriously.

OP how dare you post such a sexist thread Wink

Trills · 02/02/2015 21:30

It's not OK to moan about "men" when you mean "one or two particular men".

It wouldn't be OK for a man to claim that "women" do a thing just because his wife and mother did it.

If you feel like saying but lots of MNers also say their DHs do it too, remember that the majority of MNers are straight women, so the people they live with (and observe at bedtime) are likely to be men. People are far less likely to admit to doing it themselves, and the demographics of MN make it statistically less likely that someone's partner will be a woman.

Trills · 02/02/2015 21:31

It's perfectly fine to moan about it as "an annoying behaviour" but not to moan about "men".

Do you understand the difference?

SummerHouse · 02/02/2015 21:32

So this is a thing. Dp is in this club. I asked him once why he does it and he said that he doesn't want to miss out on anything. I think it might stem from an enforced early bedtime throughout childhood.

RonaldMcFartNuggets · 02/02/2015 21:33

Looks like quite a few blokes do it going by this thread

mousmous · 02/02/2015 21:34

my parents both do it.
dh goes when he's tired. and I refer to sleep in my bed too, speaking of it

PickledLilly · 02/02/2015 21:35

Argh, mine does this as well, drives me bonkers, he refuses to go to bed, I go up at about 11.30, he almost immediately falls asleep in front of the tv then wakes up about 1am and crashes around and wakes me up. He then immediately falls asleep and it takes me forever to nod off so I'm constantly tired.
I damn near killed him when I was pregnant and properly exhausted and he repeatedly did it. Selfish wanker.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/02/2015 21:38

did we forget our sense of humour this evening?

I didn't think so.

Is saying some version of "my useless shite of a husband does this too!!!!!!!!" the only type of humour welcome on these kinds of thread?

Original poster
ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 21:38

Trills can join bath in the 'i lost my sense of humour' corner.

OP posts:
IsabeauMichelle · 02/02/2015 21:38

I've spoken to my dp at length about this over the years because it's something that causes real problems between us. I've posted about it here.

He says that this is HIS time, that the rest of the day is about doing as he's told, and that this is something he's due. Every night apart from the very odd exception, he comes to bed between 2-3 after falling asleep on the sofa about 5 minutes after I've gone up.

I think, possibly subconsciously, it's a small rebellion for him. I just don't understand it, but I have to let him get on with it for the sake of our relationship.

That looks really petty written down. But it doesn't feel it!

flipchart · 02/02/2015 21:39

Not in our house. DS 19 has just said goodnight. He has had a couple of late nights this weekend. DH went to bed at 8.45pm last night as we were very late fri and Saturday. Same with DS 2 at 15 will take himself off. Sometimes 8.30 sometimes 11.00( weekday). I haven't set a bedtime with him for years.

Original poster
ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 21:39

no, but coming on to a thread just to fucking moan and go ''oooooh sexism' or whatever your point is is stupid.

honestly, what is the matter with people on here these days, you shouldn't need to put 'lighthearted' in a fucking thread title to stop people coming on them to fucking bitch.

get a life.

OP posts:
tethersend · 02/02/2015 21:42

I do it.

I want to cling on to awake child and work-free time.

I fail.

HelenaVagBasket · 02/02/2015 21:42

My ex did this too.
Me - Why don't you go to bed, you are exhausted
Him - Yeah I will now.
Snore
Me - You are snoring, why don't you just go to bed
Him - No i'm not!
And on and on...
I hate falling asleep then having to get up and get in to bed.

Winterbells · 02/02/2015 21:43

My DH does this too. He also insists that he wasn't sleeping when I wake him up!

It's annoying and I find it very silly but I certainly don't think he is a "useless shite". Hmm

LilMissSunshine9 · 02/02/2015 21:43

My dad does this - falls asleep on the sofa about 9ish then will wake up briefly and ask for tea then fall asleep and tea goes cold Hmm but he doesn't snore whilst on the sofa only when he is in bed. So my mum just lets him sleep and then goes to bed when she wants and if he is still there just leaves the light on and goes to bed. My parents sleep in separate rooms though because of Dad's snoring and because he always gets up in the night for the loo sometimes even twice! haha

Trills · 02/02/2015 21:43

Putting "lighthearted" in a title doesn't stop your post from being sexist. It just makes it clear that you are unaware of being sexist.

Moaning about "my DH" rather than sighing and saying "men" does make it sexist.

You could so easily have left that out.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/02/2015 21:44

All I did was say that I do this and I'm not a man.

It was typed with a smile on my face.

I'm surprised and amused to find that people imagine this is a man thing when the main people I know that do it are me and my female friend.

you shouldn't need to put 'lighthearted' in a fucking thread title to stop people coming on them to fucking bitch.

Hmm, I couldake that point about my posts.

Nothing I've written has deserved you sweary, bitchy attack.

But sure, I'm the grumpy on Grin

Fucking hell. The person who made this thread horrible was you.

ImBatDog · 02/02/2015 21:45

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