To not understand why grown adults (men) are so stubborn about going to bed when they're obviously tired?

[ImBatDog]

DH is tired, he's been snoring on and off for the last 30 minutes.. he started a new job recently and is adjusting to the new sleep routine, he's up from 5am in the morning, so by this time of night, is flagging.

but.he.will.not.go.to.fucking.bed!!!

"Go to bed if you're that tired" says i after listening to him snore for 30 minutes.
"No, its too early"
"Go to bed!" after another hour of it
"No, i want to finish my drink"

last week he spent nearly two hours trying to get rid of an annoying bit of skin on his finger around falling asleep and me repeatedly telling him to go to bed.. i swear the excuses why he won't just get stupid. Eventually i give up and go to bed myself about 10.30, and then he comes up 5 minutes after i've fallen asleep and disturbs me.

My dad used to do this as well.

ffs, if you're that fucking tired you can't stay awake for more than 5 minutes. GO TO FUCKING BED!!!

[Boleh]

I do this too (and am female!). I know I need 8 hours sleep, I know my alarm will go off some time between 6.30 and 6.45 but do I head up to bed at 10 so I'm asleep in time? Do I heck!
I just feel like following work, often run or gym, cooking and/or clearing up from dinner, whatever admin jobs are on the list it's normally 9.30 or so and I want some downtime and one whole TV program!
My DP starts the nagging and reminding me of the time at around 9.30 which annoys me as that seems like a time children go to bed and I feel like he's treating me like a child, this then continues until I finally go to bed by which time I want to go straight to sleep!

[catrin]

My ex. EVERY NIGHT. "Go to bed". "Yeah, in a minute" ( doze for half an hour) " GO TO BED" "yeah, soon" and repeat.

Not implying anything, but it does kill a sex life and actual conversation!

[cherrytree63]

Mine has been asleep on the sofa since 9.30, clutching the tv remote, snoring so loudly I can hear him from upstairs in my bedroom.
We had a big row yesterday over this, he came to bed in the early hours, woke me up stumbling around, woke me up again by pulling the covers off me to wrap round himself, and then woke me a 3rd time with his cacophonous snoring.

[SomethingOnce]

I'm doing it now!

[woman]

[chocolateorsalad]

I go through this same rigmarole all the time! DP gets in from work, says he's going to have a late night, watch this, play that, he's hardcore! Then as soon as dinner is finished, he's on the sofa struggling to keep his eyes open.

I try to wake him up and his automatic response is, "Yeah two minutes" and then he immediately falls asleep again. So he ends up snoring on the sofa all evening, I have to put the subtitles on the TV because I can't hear anything, and any attempt by me to wake him up and suggest he go to bed is met with, "No, no I'll be up in a second"

[RandomNPC]

I must be unusual then; I like to get in bed as much as possible.

[Butterflywings168]

I do this - am a woman. Ex-p (man) went to bed early and got up at crack of dawn, ugh. I actually used to get up to go to the loo having not slept and find him already up. (Thought he was like, a zen Buddhist, man. Twat.)

[marysafairy]

I do this and I'm female. My ex husband used to nag me like you do your husband about going to bed earlier, and it used to bug me so much. Most of the time I'd be awake reading or watching tv, but if I occasionally let my eyes close within his vision, he would give me a full lecture about it.

It didn't help at all. My husband now asks me nicely if I'm coming to bed when he goes, and sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. He doesn't nag. He;s not sympathetic when I'm tired though, so I never moan about being tired. Works for us.

Really, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Stop nagging him, give him a kiss goodnight and go to bed yourself. He may decide that bed is a more attractive option. It's the nagging that is keeping him up.

[marysafairy]

What I'm trying to say is that for one adult to tell / order another adult to 'go to bed' is just controlling, so YABU, sorry.

[wanderings]

For many people, it might not be going to bed as such, but more about being ordered to do something.

As a child and teenager, I remember thinking that it was peculiar that being at home was often far less relaxing than being at school or work; at school or work people would often persuade you to do things, or ask you nicely, whereas at home, I would be shamelessly ordered about and nagged (and told off if I did the same to someone else). I used to dread evenings, weekends and school holidays sometimes, because they meant hard work.

Now that I am an adult, home is my place of relaxation, my sanctuary from being nagged and bossed about, and I really resent being told what to do by anybody when I am at home. (I don't mind being asked though.)

[Snapespotions]

I do this, I'm afraid. God knows why, but I do. So does my mum.

Neither of us are men.

[Snapespotions]

For many people, it might not be going to bed as such, but more about being ordered to do something.

YY, I would not respond well to being bossed around like this. My dad does it to my mum, and it drives her mad. Thankfully, DH doesn't really do it.

[SlicedAndDiced]

Yep have this with dp.

Doesn't matter if it's late, he's sick,if he's tired or if he has to be up early.

It seems there is some mythical cut off point where it is then acceptably manly to go to bed?

Dad does it too

[BathtimeFunkster]

Maybe the gender divide on this is that men are less liky to think it is their business to nag you to fuck until you stop your lovely sofa dozing.

DH shares my pointless love of staying up late (but not my sofa dozing weakness), so thankfully I don't have to suffer being told it's bedtime as though I'm 11.

[Frikadellen]

Dh does this as did my step dad as a child. It drives me up the wall. I used to promise myself I would NEVER marry a manywho did this (and dh didnt start doing so until he was in his 40s)

However this thread has now made me paranoid. I was going to reply on the chat thread about one thing you would change aboutyour dp that this was it but obviously now I cant..

op your not being unreasonable

(dp however YOU are)

[Frikadellen]

Bathtime
<br /> If my ds have the tv on to loud I tell him to turn it down and he does.
My my dd's are playing music to loud I tell them to turn it down and they do
If they are being too loud in general chatty/singing/arguing I tell them to stop it/ lower the noise and they do.

HOWEVER
When dh is doing his @"lovely sofa snoozing" as you call it and he is snoring so the entire house is shaking My telling him to stop snoring/lowering the noise DOESN'T follow.

So are you telling me that your/his " lovely sofa snoozing" is more important than the rest of the family enjoying time to relax? As there is a HUGE difference between being told to go to bed if your clearly tired, and between people treating others who are being antisocial and insanely selfish with their LOUD snoring as if they themselves are more important than anyone else they live with.

IF i am tired early I go to bed early. Some days as early as 8.30 Naturally I am a night owl and my natural body clock would have my going to bed at 1/2 am sleeping until 9/10 that doesnt naturally follow in my life. So I adjust to ensure that for my family I am the best I can be.

THAT is what I would like my dp to do. I would prefer to stay up late every day. I LOVE the darkness of the night and the quiet in the house it soothes me. However sometimes I need more sleep so I take it to ensure I am the best I can be for my family.

I would ;like my dh (of 19 years today) to also take such a view of it that how he is with his family is of more importance.. rather than selfishly ensuring he gets his " lovely sofa snooze"

[BathtimeFunkster]

If your husband snores so loudly that nobody else in the house can relax, I think it is a snoring problem.

I don't snore and keep other people awake.

It's not selfish to have a doze your own sofa of an evening.

Unless you have an extremely serious snoring problem, you are bothering nobody (except the terminally bossy).

[Stinkle]

DH does it too.

He'll start dozing around 8:30pm, complete with snoring, slowly spreading out across the couch until I'm jammed into the corner.

I give him a nudge when I go up about 11ish and he'll say he'll "be up in a minute"

He usually comes up about 2am, wakes me up by turning the landing light on, then the bathroom light, stumbles around the bedroom, flaps the duvet and fidgets before falling asleep and snoring.

While I'm laying there wide awake struggling to fall asleep again.

Fucks me right off.

[Frikadellen]

OFF COURSE its a freaking snoring problem, I wouldn't care if he was sleeping quietly on the sofa I frankly wouldn't notice he had gone to sleep.

Doesn't change that it is hugely annoying and hugely disrespectful for the rest of us in the room.

Personally I would claim that any level of snoring is bothering others who are awake.. For me it is one of those noises that goes right through me.

I do not use a emery board on my nails around dh and ds as for them that is a noise that goes straight through them.

I am asking for similar considerations.

Hence it IS bothering others.


(not related but ARGH I freaking LOATHE the apple keyboards)

[Grokette]

Yes, mine does it too, and he is a man.

I'll be happily reading/pottering/MNing in the evening when he pulls his "let's sit down together and watch something, I want to spend time with you" line. Put on a dvd and within fifteen minutes he's snoring away. I wake him up, he says he wasn't sleeping and then asks me what's happened/who's been killed/who the murderer is etc. And repeat until 10.30pm.

What really shits me is he'll sleep through the first hour of a crime show, for example, then wake up for the last half hour and miraculously know who the killer is. He'll be dead asleep, then pop his eyes open and say "it was that guy", and he is always right. I hate it.

[BathtimeFunkster]

Well you did include me in the selfish bracket for doing this, so I was a little confused about the reason for your wrath.

There are a few on the thread who seem to think it is annoying in itself to fall asleep on the sofa.