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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is taking the piss?

72 replies

EyelinerQueen · 02/02/2015 20:01

I have 3 siblings. We all live in different countries. My Dad's 70th birthday was recently and I suggested we book my parents flights and accommodation for a weekend in a city they've always wanted to go to. Everyone said yes, great idea. I said I was happy to do all the research and planning and to pay and then they could all pay me back via PayPal or bank transfer.

I booked it at Xmas. My two brothers sent me their share the same day. My sister said she would sort it straight away when I asked.

One month later and she still hasn't sent me the money. I've reminded her/asked twice. Apparently she can't work out how to use PayPal (a professional, computer literate woman with access to the internet at home and at work) and the banks are only open when she's at work (her DH does shift work and has full days off on which he does errands/banking/shopping).

There is back story. A few years ago I sent a big parcel full of presents for her and her kids (worth £80) which she left sitting in the local post office for a month despite knowing it was there because she was "too busy" to collect it. It subsequently got lost in the postal system when they tried to return it to me. She was wholly unapologetic.

It's not an amount I can afford to just write off.

AIBU for feeling miffed that I'm having to push so hard for something that was 100% agreed to?

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 02/02/2015 20:02

Maybe she can't afford it and felt obliged. Maybe... call her rather than moan about her on t'internet?

antimatter · 02/02/2015 20:03

She sounds like she has ADHD.
I think another reminder won't hurt.

Popsandpip · 02/02/2015 20:05

I hate it when people won't pay their debts and make you feel bad about it. YANBU. Maybe circumvent PayPal completely and just give her your bank account details. It'll be a reminder and surely (she types awkwardly) your sister has wired money to people before. Good luck.

MrsDiesel · 02/02/2015 20:07

She sounds like she doesn't want to pay up. I would remind her again. Can she put a cheque in the post?

Original poster
EyelinerQueen · 02/02/2015 20:07

She can afford it. No question about that.

I have called her twice and reminded her in the course of the conversation.
She doesn't have ADHD.

She is the most organised and ruthless efficient person I know. And she has form for selfish behaviour. I thought it was all in the past.

OP posts:
whatmess · 02/02/2015 20:07

If she couldn't afford it she shouldn't have said yes. Why can't she arrange a bank transfer via internet banking in the evening? What country does she live in?
I would be miffed to, but if I told my sister I really needed the money, she would send it.

QTPie · 02/02/2015 20:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Violettadoesthekondo · 02/02/2015 20:14

Well she agreed to pay. She had the opportunity to opt out months ago but chose not to. Can you remind her every third day?

antimatter · 02/02/2015 20:14

she can afford it, she is v.well organised,
she can't pick up a parcel for 4 weeks, she hasn't transfered money for 5 weeks

IMHO your statement's aren't true or she would have done both in no time

call her

FullOfChoc · 02/02/2015 20:15

My sister is very hard to get money out of also. She is on Cash With Order credit terms now, this has pretty much worked as I've just said I'll leave her out of things unless I get the money upfront.

Harsh but effective.

Violettadoesthekondo · 02/02/2015 20:16

Email is better because she will receive it while on the computer and can then use the computer to pay

Violettadoesthekondo · 02/02/2015 20:18

Or give her a deadline (four days away) telling her you need the cash for something.

Original poster
EyelinerQueen · 02/02/2015 20:19

She is extremely well organised when it comes to her life and her plans etc. Slightly overbearing and controlling in a Monica Geller way.

But when it comes to the efforts of others she doesn't seem to care enough to make the minimal effort required. It's infuriating and saddening.

She could have said no. If all four of us couldn't commit to the holiday I was going to buy my Dad a cheaper present. There was no pressure put on anyone. I just wanted to fulfill a dream that I know both my parents have harboured for many years.

OP posts:
bloodyteenagers · 02/02/2015 20:26

Internet banking?
Telephone banking?
She doesn't pay anyone then cos the banks are closed? Bollocks she don't

antimatter · 02/02/2015 20:30

I think via Paypal you can send request for the bill.. or is it just available to businesses?

TinLizzie · 02/02/2015 20:34

If you haven't already, just tell your sister that she needs to find an alternative gift for your father, as current gift will only be from the 3 of you. That might galvanise her and get her to sort it. And tell your parents that the gift is from the 3 of you, not all of you.

Just tell your sister that you're really struggling with the fact she hasn't paid you, and that everyone else has managed it - it's much easier than you think to get stroppy about it if you keep it on a fairly light hearted note. And... lesson learnt. Don't rely on her again and she can come up with her own ideas.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/02/2015 20:34

Have you given your Dad the gift yet? If not, call het and say that as she has not been forthcoming with the money, she will have to arrange her own gift for Dad and this will be given from you and your Brothers. This may spur her on.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/02/2015 20:35

Ah xpost

TinLizzie · 02/02/2015 20:36

Oh, and tell her you feel really sad that she doesn't seem to care. Perhaps appealing to her sense of ... um ... decency?, might do the trick!

Original poster
EyelinerQueen · 02/02/2015 20:36

The card and present have already been presented to my parents. So she's already had her share of gratitude without paying anything towards it Angry .

I've just replied to her latest message with a polite but firm set of instructions (including links) on how to use PayPal. If she doesn't sort it tonight I'm going to have to be even less tactful.

Families. FFS.

OP posts:
ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 02/02/2015 20:38

Am I the only one thinking that an ADHD armchair diagnosis is a little IT? Confused

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 02/02/2015 20:39

*OTT

ILovePud · 02/02/2015 20:39

She is taking the piss, no advice but you have my sympathies, your sister is being a selfish twat Brew.

TinLizzie · 02/02/2015 20:40

If that doesn't work, then send her your bank details as she's "clearly struggling with Paypal" so she can do a bank transfer instead. The more ways you suggest, the more it's going to bug her until she deals with it. Please do make out that you're struggling without this payment (you may well be, you haven't said). And then step it up to every.single.day until she coughs up, just to make you go away!!

Original poster
EyelinerQueen · 02/02/2015 20:44

Thanks Pud and Lizzie.

She already has my bank details. I sent them in the original message when I made the booking and suggested a bank transfer.

Fwiw it's a big European country they live in not Outer bloody Mongolia.

OP posts: