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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is taking the piss?

72 replies

EyelinerQueen · 02/02/2015 20:01

I have 3 siblings. We all live in different countries. My Dad's 70th birthday was recently and I suggested we book my parents flights and accommodation for a weekend in a city they've always wanted to go to. Everyone said yes, great idea. I said I was happy to do all the research and planning and to pay and then they could all pay me back via PayPal or bank transfer.

I booked it at Xmas. My two brothers sent me their share the same day. My sister said she would sort it straight away when I asked.

One month later and she still hasn't sent me the money. I've reminded her/asked twice. Apparently she can't work out how to use PayPal (a professional, computer literate woman with access to the internet at home and at work) and the banks are only open when she's at work (her DH does shift work and has full days off on which he does errands/banking/shopping).

There is back story. A few years ago I sent a big parcel full of presents for her and her kids (worth £80) which she left sitting in the local post office for a month despite knowing it was there because she was "too busy" to collect it. It subsequently got lost in the postal system when they tried to return it to me. She was wholly unapologetic.

It's not an amount I can afford to just write off.

AIBU for feeling miffed that I'm having to push so hard for something that was 100% agreed to?

OP posts:
TinLizzie · 02/02/2015 20:46

Sorry for multiple posts! Just thinking about it. I think I'd give her a date by which you NEED her to refund you, because you have a payment to make and if that money isn't in your account, it will cause you massive problems. It's not the best way of handling it really, but if you get the result you need then so be it, and don't do it again. Let her sort out her own gifts in future.

Bakeoffcakes · 02/02/2015 20:47

My sister is like this. It's becasue she can't afford it, but says she can at the time. The rest fo us now choose things we can afford if she doesn't come up with her share. But to be honest we do all have more income than her, so I don't mind to be honest.

If she can't afford it could youa so what she can afford, then ask your brothers to share the amount owing?

Bakeoffcakes · 02/02/2015 20:49

Sorry about my typos!! I expect you can read it!

I meant could you ask her what she can actually afford?

MeeWhoo · 02/02/2015 20:49

No, ICTMBIMP, you're not the only one.....

suboptimal · 02/02/2015 20:49

I have no idea how you get from this op to "ADHD" in two posts.

Astonishing.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/02/2015 20:55

Bakeoffs she can afford it.

She (dsis) sounds very arrogant to me.

Sad for you that your sis is like this though.

5dogsgoswimming · 02/02/2015 20:57

Could she write a cheque?

BackforGood · 02/02/2015 21:10

Personally, I've never used Paypal, but wou.d be perfectly capable of
a) writing a cheque
b) doing a transfer into someone's account via internet banking
c)getting cash ojt of cashpoint after the banks are closed.

That's a ridiculous excuse.
I would be reminding her every day.

VenusRising · 02/02/2015 21:15

Why don't you contact your brothers and ask them to pay for her, and then they can get the money off her?

You sound like you've done enough for it, researching and booking and paying, time to delegate!

TheEfficiencyMovement · 02/02/2015 22:05

Can you tease her about it? Send her a 'meme' a day - it's a bit less confrontational than having a row about it but still gets your point across.

This would work with my sister but I completey understand if it wouldn't work with yours.

to think my sister is taking the piss?
mom2twoteens · 02/02/2015 22:42

I would at least tell the brothers that she hasn't paid up, maybe she'll ne shamed into coughing up.

I think all families have someone like this. you just learn to get the money first.

Good luck with it.

KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 03/02/2015 00:20

I have ADHD.

I can still use paypal and pick up parcels.

Thanks for the sweeping generalisation, though.

Does all of us with MH issues the world of good.

Hmm
antimatter · 03/02/2015 06:14

King - I feel you are generalizing too. Some people with ADHD procrastinate and never finish tasks, never make it to the Post office or pay bills on time.

Jackieharris · 03/02/2015 06:19

Just noticed that they don't live in the UK. Afaik Internet banking isn't as widespread elsewhere as here.

StoorieHoose · 03/02/2015 06:20

ADHD? Fuck me antimatter - that's a bit of a jump is it not?

CharityD · 03/02/2015 06:34

Would it work to say, ok, will we pay for this this present just between three of us, to your brothers, as X hasn't paid her share?
I know you mentioned she has already been included in the thanks from your parents. But, if you said to her, right, we are splitting it now three ways, it might make her cough up.
Ugh, I hate that kind of carry on. I know someone who behaves a bit like that, just hates parting with money, even having agreed, and it's not that they don't have it. I gave up on one occasion, and I will never again put myself in the position of them owing money to me.
From here on, I'd let someone else do the money collection bit for joint presents, maybe her...I bet she would be on to you constantly, if you owed her!

antimatter · 03/02/2015 06:34

Stoorie - a jump????
neither me not you know OP's sister
asking if someone has ADHD is not an insult I hope?
Or is it?

DevonFolk · 03/02/2015 06:35

Oh ffs. I'm the most disorganised procrastinator you're ever likely to find and I certainly don't have adhd Confused I'm just shit at getting stuff done. I do, however, have more than a smidge of respect and consideration for others and am quick to settle my personal debts.

OP I'm sorry your sister's behaving like this. It seems all you can do is keep badgering her and learn a sad lesson.

TheLastThneed · 03/02/2015 06:37

Is anti winding people up on purpose?

TheLastThneed · 03/02/2015 06:38

Is anti winding people up on purpose?

StoorieHoose · 03/02/2015 06:38

Yes a jump. You didn't ask if she had ADHD you said "sounds as if she has ADHD". - bit of a random diagnosis don't you think? Can you point out what in the OP you made that assumption from?

of course it's not an insult

StoorieHoose · 03/02/2015 06:40

I think Anti might be on the windup Thneed

TheLastThneed · 03/02/2015 06:41

OP has confirmed that her sister doesn't have ADHD.

Some boys wet their pants...doesn't mean everyone who wets their pants is a boy...

Violettadoesthekondo · 03/02/2015 06:42

Ask the brothers to keep mentioning it too

antimatter · 03/02/2015 06:45

Not on a wind up - I apologise for that sweeping statement - I should have said that she might have ADHD.
I am not interested in winding anyone up - just was giving my point of view from experience, that's all.
So unfortunate phrasing it but with good intention. No other reasons!