Very early sex - aibu

[drbonnieblossman]

Dh is going to be leaving the house very early for the next 5 mornings (5.00am instead of 8.30am).

We have a pretty active sex life and morning sex every day (there's fuck all romance in our morning sex, but we both have very high sex drives so a very quick shag in the morning sorts us out).

Anyway, DH seems to think that he cannot do without it in the morning this week and I should wake up in time do we can have sex before he leaves. I wouldn't mind but we have sex every night too so it's not like he's going without.

I happened to suggest that he sort himself out these next few mornings and he said I wasnt 'taking things seriously' and it will be a slippery slope to no morning sex.

AIBU in telling him that under no fucking circumstances is he to wake me. Part of me thinks I should just tell him to get on with it and be quick so I'm not fully woken but really why should I?

Twice a day, every day?

Crikey.

Surely the only issue is - do you want to have sex at stupid o'clock in the morning. If you do, fine, but if you think you need to go along with it to stop your DH throwing a strop, that's a sign of a pretty unhealthy relationship IMO.

Fair do's op, I don't know how you ever achieve morning sex, never mind stupidly early morning sex (good on you for saying no, he has hands)

I never ever ever do morning sex. I don't see how you can! I wake up bursting for a wee, with nasty morning breath. If the kids aren't already awake (they usually are) then the minute I brush my teeth or use the loo, even if I don't flush, even if I creep along the edges of the rooms so as not step on creaky floorboards, they wake up.

They'd definitely wake up and investigate quiet moaning and bed shaking, even if I could ignore my full bladder (I can't)

I don't think I've ever done the morning sex thing. Morning breath is vile, and I just wouldn't be in the mood yet. Mornings are for wees, coffee, changing soggy nappies and fashioning fucking weetabuddies

NOT for sexing. In my house anyway. You crack on, obviously.

I wouldn't play games, love

I think you are getting the wrong message from this thread

Have the sex you want at the time it suits you is the take-home outcome

If 4:30am doesn't suit you, so be it. But cutting out the evening sex to prove a point helps no one, and means that you suffer too (since you have made such a big point about how such regular and regimented sex scratches your consensual itch too)

You will end up being no better than he is with the manipulation and mindgames

I think it's very unreasonable for your husband to expect you to have sex when you don't want it, however I would argue that you withholding sex (when you want it) to try and make a point is equally unreasonable.

As soon as sex starts being used as a weapon or something to use against the other person (whether that is demanding it or refusing it) I think that indicated the sexual relationship has gone somewhere unhealthy.

If your DH's behaviour has turned you off sex with him then of course say no to sex and expect him to find that reasonable, but I don't think you should start using sex, and your ability to say no even when you want it, as some sort of weapon to be withheld even when it 'shoots yourself in the foot.'

If he wants sex and he doesn't want sex of course there should be no sex. If you want sex and he doesn't want sex equally there should be no sex. But if you want sex and he wants sex but either of you says no solely so that they are holding all of the power or to make a point then I would say something has gone wrong in the relationship.

I am that you have to ask other people's opinions on this. Sex should be for its own sake, not used to manipulate, or control, or coerce, or score points, or play games...etc

Right ok, no games. I just feel a bit hurt by it all, really.

Thanks for all the good advice.

rain it isn't.

It is understandable to feel hurt, love

Your husband seems to think you the equivalent of a Blow Up Doll. That's gotta hurt

Have you tried asking him how he'd feel if it were the other way round? If you started waking him at 4 and demanding sex and getting arsey about it if he turned over and went back to sleep?

If dp behaved like that I'd PHITC

To those interested (anew ) we don't have a lock on our bedroom door. I'm trying to think of how we manage it. We don't really 'manage' it. No special stratergies.

We are sometimes both home and have an empty house during the day or evening or all night, apart form the baby, due to the older ones all being out at once. If that is the case during the day we'll wait for the baby to nap and have a 'quickie'. If it's the case till late in the evening or all night we'll again wait for the baby to be in bed and then have whale of a time all over the house With a few

When there are others in and around the house it'll be in our bedroom, early morning or night time. (We are lucky that this house has thick walls, but even so - it's easy enough to simply keep the vocals down when needs must) Older DDs don't make a habit of coming into our room when we're both in there - they're old enough to understand. When DD4 is old enough to wander about we'll pop a baby gate across her door. When she's old enough to be wandering about for the loo at night we probably will get a little bolt for our door.

Four kids and you manage sex twice a day, every day. Wow. It's once or twice a week here if that!

I can kind of understand what ups the regularity. My ex used to be able to come very easily (in 5 mins, or under if needed)! So we would have it where/whenever we liked, though it wasn't always very fulfilling for me! My DH takes quite a lot longer which makes for so much more fun, but can't be done at any moment.

Only you know the ins & out...

PMSL

Before eating DH

Really PMSL.

Right, sorry. I think it's great that you generally have similar sex drives. But on this occasion, he's being a bit of a wanker. Or, possibly, not enough of a wanker.

This thread just shows me how different some people's lifestyles are ! Your DC's sound very very undemanding !!
When I have had a baby in the house, or any DC under about 5, the thing that wakes us up in the morning is the child, we have never woken before our DC's!

The idea of having time alone with DH early evening is a mystery to me - that time for me is spent cooking and clearing dinner, helping with homework/music practice , driving DC's to and from clubs, sorting laundry and bathing / putting the baby to bed !
And popping a gate across a toddler's bedroom to stop them interrupting you ? At that age don't they need your full time attention ?
I'm lost for words !
Sorry not really relevant but I'm unduly intrigued as we have literally no privacy from our DC's.

Bloody hell can you come over to mine after? Poor DP thinks his virginity has grow back

Madbess - I think more of us are in your position than the OPs!

Definitely. The only opportunity we ever have is late at night after everyone's asleep, when we have zero energy left and everything to get ready for morning. And Netflix to watch

I'm embarrassed to say I actually woke up last night trying to decide if the OP was for real. Did she say 3 DC's under 12 and a baby and the older ones are all out in the evenings at clubs and over night sometimes ? How does this work ? And who is minding the baby while they are at it? I'm genuinely baffled.
Not to mention the energy required !!!

I think it's great you usually have matching sex drives but he needs to understand that you both have to want to do it for it to strengthen the relationship rather than make one party feel obliged. Whoever felt sexy because of obligation sex? It might have happened but it's not sustainable or healthy.

he needs to grow the fuck up

Used to love morning sex BUT I begrudge being woken before the kids are up!! Maybe once the kids have grown up and waking up in their own time I'll start enjoying it again