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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very early sex - aibu

101 replies

drbonnieblossman · 02/02/2015 00:27

Dh is going to be leaving the house very early for the next 5 mornings (5.00am instead of 8.30am).

We have a pretty active sex life and morning sex every day (there's fuck all romance in our morning sex, but we both have very high sex drives so a very quick shag in the morning sorts us out).

Anyway, DH seems to think that he cannot do without it in the morning this week and I should wake up in time do we can have sex before he leaves. I wouldn't mind but we have sex every night too so it's not like he's going without.

I happened to suggest that he sort himself out these next few mornings and he said I wasnt 'taking things seriously' and it will be a slippery slope to no morning sex.

AIBU in telling him that under no fucking circumstances is he to wake me. Part of me thinks I should just tell him to get on with it and be quick so I'm not fully woken but really why should I?

OP posts:
Iggly · 02/02/2015 07:02

Morning sex isn't a human right ffs

You both have morning sex because you both want it. Not because he must or needs to.

But now it won't be convenient. So he can jog on. Yanbu.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 02/02/2015 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbluestars · 02/02/2015 07:08

OP- is your OH a bully in other areas of your relationship too?

mrsnoon · 02/02/2015 07:10

I would chop it off if DH tried anything at that time in the morning. And also think its a bit grim that he expects so you should submit. As a PP said, its a slippery slope to something other than just no morning sex.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/02/2015 07:13

You have sex twice a day!!!

Yeah, get some rest - till him to bog off in the mornings for this week

ourglass · 02/02/2015 07:15

Oh dear.

Tinkerball · 02/02/2015 07:18

I agree you have more issues than what you have asked, what happens when you can't keep to this two times a day sex? Guessing you don't have chmdren either?

JapaneseMargaret · 02/02/2015 07:28

...DH seems to think that he cannot do without it in the morning this week...

He cannot do without it. Right.

What happens, exactly, if he doesn't get it. Do his balls turn blue? Does his knob fall off? Or something more insidious, like, does he just take it...? Hmm

Or is he just exaggerating?

WiiUnfit · 02/02/2015 07:34

YANBU. Your "D"H does not have a right to have sex with you whenever he wants, regardless of how you feel. There is a slippery slope here, but it isn't to no morning sex...

CaptainAnkles · 02/02/2015 07:42

If this was my DH, he'd be on a slippery slope to being told to fuck right off.

You're not his property, or a wank sock. If you don't BOTH want sex, there should be no sex. If he knows you're not interested in being woken up that early for it, that should be enough. He should be more concerned about his revolting attitude towards his wife than the few shags he won't be getting.

Original poster
drbonnieblossman · 02/02/2015 07:46

Sorry all - I slept in! No recollection of him leaving this morning whatsoever. And now my heart bleeds for DH who had to go to work without sexGrin

Someone suggested he's a bully. No he honestly isn't. Not in any aspect of our relationship.

If ill then absolutely no question about it, sex doesn't happen. It would be the last thing on our minds, other than to say we needed it though don't want it.

To a degree, there's been expectation from both of us as we've done this for 12 years but I realise that it's probably not the norm. Whereas DH seems under the impression that it is.

Yes we have children.

Last night I tried to make him grasp how fortunate we are but that getting arsy because I won't wake up so damned early has made me think how selfish he is. His concern seems to be change of habit which is ridiculous since when each of the children were born, there was no sex, never mind morning sex, for weeks.

I'm hoping he realises there's more glue to our relationship than sexConfused. Or at least there should be.

OP posts:
WizardOfToss · 02/02/2015 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dalmatianmad · 02/02/2015 07:51

Sex every morning and every night Confused

AnyFucker · 02/02/2015 07:58

poor man

if you won't put out at 4:30 am I think you should agree to him getting it elsewhere

differentnameforthis · 02/02/2015 08:12

TBH, No one needs sex at anytime, let alone before 5.30am every morning!

It honestly sounds like your dh sees sex as an emotionless exchange & something that he feels entitled to get form you.

TBH, I'd rather have more meaningful sex less often, than unromantic sex twice a day!

Sorry op, but it sounds like you are servicing him & he now expects you to bow down to his demands.

Original poster
drbonnieblossman · 02/02/2015 08:21

But different like i said the morning sex is quick and for us, functional. We both have high sex drives. For us we do feel 'need' on the morning. My issue is that I don't want to service our joint need at a stupid time where there is nothing in it for me. That's why I suggested he sort himself out. Our evening sex is totally different.

OP posts:
Stormingateacup · 02/02/2015 08:22

He seems irrationally worried that this will be the beginning of the end of your current sex life. Does he have any other reason to think that?

Guess you just need to reassure him that its only a week and won't change anything. And that making a fuss about is making him looks dick, for all the reasons everyone else has given.

Stormingateacup · 02/02/2015 08:23

Making a fuss about it makes him look like a dick.

Bloody phone.

differentnameforthis · 02/02/2015 08:31

Fair enough, op! Only you know the ins & out...I was just reacting to what you said & don't think it sounds too great.

But as long as you are happy...

Incidentally...don't just "tell him to get on with it and be quick so I'm not fully woken" (not sure if you were joking or not) My friends allows her partner to do this & I have to question what kind of person wants sex with someone who is practically unresponsive.

differentnameforthis · 02/02/2015 08:34

Making a fuss about it makes him look like a dick.

And this...it's a few days, throwing his toys out the pram over a few days is immature.

Icimoi · 02/02/2015 08:57

I'm amazed that you've managed to keep this up with only a few weeks' interruption when the children were born. But presumably your husband survived that, so he can survive without 4 a.m. sex for five days.

Nextwednesday · 02/02/2015 09:01

Twice a day for 12 years! I find it difficult to still find someone attractive after 12 weeks.

ourglass · 02/02/2015 09:18

Grin Next

wouldliketoknow2 · 02/02/2015 09:26

Twice a day, wow how can you bear to be touched that much? We barely manage 2 or 3 times a month - tell your h that twice a day forevever and ever is really not the norm. What exactly is the "slippery slope" he is referring to?

wouldliketoknow2 · 02/02/2015 09:29

Sorry, that sounded rude. I am partly envious and partly don't think I would like sex that much (though would like it more more than our current 2 or 3 times a month Sad). My main issue with my own sex life is that it is really difficult to get a hug out of dh unless it is going to lead to something else. So I lie there with my arm around him and him completely unresponsive (unless he feels like sex) a lot of the time Hmm.

On second thoughts OP, I'd rather be you!