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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about DP sharing bed with his DD

92 replies

Nabootique · 01/02/2015 22:42

He thinks I am. He gets erections and is kind of handsy and snuggly in his sleep when he's with me and if he's asleep I think he would just do it unknowingly, if that makes sense. She's adult, btw. I just think it's a bit weird, especially as it wasn't a totally necessary sleeping arrangement. They are a close family. His sister gets mistaken for his girlfriend sometimes because they tickle and wrestle

OP posts:

Hubb · 02/02/2015 18:01

I wouldn't want to do it and I can see why you are feeling a bit odd about it, but IMO it's absolutely fine if they are comfortable enough for it.

I'm a bit upset about people suggesting incest/that he could be taking advantage of a vulnerable person! Based on this alone, He's not a creep!

I doubt he would do any inappropriate touching in his sleep, ...my DH is the same re snuggling and he never reaches out to grope DS who sleeps with us in the early hours!

AnyFucker · 02/02/2015 18:10

I think the mums Co sleeping "as long as possible" were not really contemplating still doing it when their children reached adulthood

so it seems op isn't a wind up merchant

You are very laid back op. I would run a mile from a bloke that sleeps in the same bed as his grown up daughter and play fights with his sister to the extent that people think they are shagging each other

I expect I am a repressed old hag though

ithoughtofitfirst · 02/02/2015 18:16

Hahaha anyfucker

itchybumagain · 02/02/2015 18:28

Crikey I was going to say YABU as my DD is 7 and sleeps with her dad sometimes.

But an adult is just wrong!

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 18:32

Thanks all. anyfucker! The sister stuff comes from her, rather than him, and he will concede that it is a bit much, but it gives you an idea of family dynamic.

OP posts:

horseygeorgie · 02/02/2015 22:53

Eh!?! Sister stuff!?! People think he's shagging her!? I've missed half the bloody thread haven't i!

babyboomersrock · 02/02/2015 23:25

His sister gets mistaken for his girlfriend sometimes because they tickle and wrestle - from the OP, horseygeorgie.

It's all very odd to me. Not because I'm old or because I come from a non-demonstrative family.

In my experience there are usually boundaries/taboos around bed-sharing - I know from my youngest child (in her 20s) that it's not un-heard of to sleep alongside a friend casually these days but while she might happily do that in a student flat after a night out, I cannot ever see her sleeping with her father. Nor would she engage in tickling and wrestling with any of her beloved brothers.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 03/02/2015 09:12

When I was in my 20s I would have though nothing of sharing a bed with a good friend after a night out, it seemed normal.

As I've gotten older my boundaries are becoming tighter, it seems - I really could not share a bed with anyone apart from my husband or my kids (they're still in my bed all the time - but they're children). My sister at a push. That's it.

MrsKoala · 03/02/2015 09:26

it wouldn't bother me. But i know other people are more weird about this kind of thing. If there were 2 beds available i'd question it, but i'd never sleep on a sofa over a bed if there was room for 2 and it was available. It's just sleeping.

i took dad away for the weekend for his birthday once. we booked a twin but they only had a double. it was no big deal. we slept in it.

MrsKoala · 03/02/2015 09:29

My dad still tickles and prods me. I happily used to join in tickling and wresting with ex-bils. i can't see how this is odd.

DurpDurp · 03/02/2015 09:30

Umm, I've shared a bed with my dad quite a few times and I probably would rather than sleep on a sofa. I would put a pillow down the middle of the bed and we would wear jammies. ITs never my first choice but it wouldn't bother me.

I find it weird that posters think it's weird.

Maybe they have creepy dads

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 03/02/2015 09:34

Agree with babyboomer.

Boundaries are healthy.

Lack of boundaries , are not.

MrsKoala · 03/02/2015 09:52

I'm sure they do have boundaries - just not where you put yours. Lots of people have different opinions on this. I don't think you can say what is 'right' just what feels right to you.

When i stay at my parents me and my 2 sons sleep in the bed with my Mum. There is no alternative and it's fine. Mum has never groped me.

In fact if there is anything i find creepy it is the idea of someone night groping me. I'd be really irritated if DH touched me like that while i was asleep.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 03/02/2015 09:54

The last time I shared a bed with my dad, I was 13 and it was in a hotel - we were visiting Paris and had bugger all money, so we had to share. It was excruciating, 13 is far too old for that kind of thing and at that age, it was every kind of teenage nightmare. I'd rather sleep on the floor.

richthegreatcornholio · 03/02/2015 11:43

There's some odd folk about. I've shared a bed with my adult sister, my male best mate and 1 or more female friends at various times and would have no issue sharing a bed with any of my friends or family where necessary, it doesn't mean that I want to shag them.

caeleth84 · 03/02/2015 12:05

Guess im in the minority too. I wouldn't have any problems with sharing a bed with my dad, nor would I have a problem with Dh sharing with his mom.

I'd say it would've been more of an issue in my teens, say 12-16, what with hormones and everything. But as an adult? I don't see the problem. I'd share with male friends i trust, and there are no male adults id trust more than my dad. Jeez people.

ExtraJudgeyPants · 03/02/2015 23:17

Haha @ Durps they indeed must have creepy dads!

This is a great and weird thread, has made me wonder about sharing a bed with my dad...I guess I would do it although I would hope that he gave up his bed and took the sofa to be honest. His snoring is a killer!

Also wouldn't find it odd if my DH and his mum were comfortable sharing. I would find it sweet in a way. Dunno why, that probably makes me odd

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