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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

about DP sharing bed with his DD

92 replies

Nabootique · 01/02/2015 22:42

He thinks I am. He gets erections and is kind of handsy and snuggly in his sleep when he's with me and if he's asleep I think he would just do it unknowingly, if that makes sense. She's adult, btw. I just think it's a bit weird, especially as it wasn't a totally necessary sleeping arrangement. They are a close family. His sister gets mistaken for his girlfriend sometimes because they tickle and wrestle

OP posts:

Florrieboo · 02/02/2015 06:09

Are you suggesting that they are in a sexual relationship?

Aussiemum78 · 02/02/2015 06:17

I would totally share a bed with Dad in a zombie end of the world situation. Or if we were risking hypothermia in the wilderness.

Otherwise no.

But because I'm sexist I'd share with my Mum after a night out.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 02/02/2015 06:23

I would totally share a bed with Dad in a zombie end of the world situation. Or if we were risking hypothermia in the wilderness.

Yes. I would happily sleep on the floor every night for the rest of my life if the alternative were to sleep with my father.

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 06:42

Florrie no, not at all. A lot of people seem to have misunderstood that. Also, I don't think sharing beds with family members when needs must, on holiday, etc. Is the same thing at all. I didn't mean to offend anyone who does that.

I understand what the poster who said comfy bed versus uncomfortable sofa was getting at, but usually one of them would stay on the sofa when visiting. I'm not about to end my relationship over it or anything, but I did say to him that I thought it was a bit weird, why didn't one of you stay on the sofa? Came on MN for a sanity check.

OP posts:

ourglass · 02/02/2015 07:17

MN gets weirder by the day

tryingtofindausername · 02/02/2015 09:44

YANBU - Yes, it's weird to share a bed with your adult child when you don't need to.

YABU - to worry about forgetting who he is in bed with. I've shared beds with lots of friends at times and somehow even when you are asleep you know who it is. We've never ended up spooning each other!

mrsfuzzy · 02/02/2015 09:52

is this thread real or have i been living in my cave too long ? seems a bit of a wind up imo, if it's true, why are you with him ??

mutternutter · 02/02/2015 09:58

hes a creep!

mrsfuzzy · 02/02/2015 10:07

reading the entire thread through a lot of people are a bit grossed out because i guess our culture doesn't really go with the co ed sleeping with other people other than your baby or a sexual partner, on occasion a friend [night out etc] but if alternative sleeping area is available why not use it ? i have personal reasons why i wouldn't tolerate my dp/dh doing it, even if another bed etc wasn't available, they'd get ditched p.d.q. but that is another thread. still if the op is 'defending dp' on here she obviously can't have much of a problem with it. but why is he finding her bu in the first place, has he told her and what does dd say about it ? what is their relationship like normally ? someone mentioned if dd, sn was involved, i'm a bit anxious that, that has not been renounced by the op probably over thinking this, i need to get on with something else obviously !

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 10:42

She's not SN. They get on very well. Relationship is more like mates than father/daughter, I would say.

The forgetting who he's in bed with was just a thought, really. It was more me thinking "why wouldn't people want privacy? I wouldn't say I was "concerned" about it to be honest, it was more just wondering if I was alone in thinking it was a bit strange when it's not necessary.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 10:45

Oh, and it really isn't a wind up. Finola1step kindly vouched I am a regular. I post more on S&B than AIBU. The fact that people think it's a wind up says a lot though!

OP posts:

mrsfuzzy · 02/02/2015 10:46

how long has this being going on ? the co sleeping , is it a one off or regular ? more to the point where are you when this is /was happening ?

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 10:59

I was at my house (we don't live together). She visits occasionally and usually one of them sleeps on the sofa, as I said in a previous post (not being snippy just hope don't get accused of drip feeding!) so I would say more one off.

I'm really not saying that I am concerned there is anything incestuous going on (this does seem to have been a bit misconstrued), just that once children aren't children then they should be permitted a degree of privacy. I'm assuming she didn't mind, as I said they are a close family, but just strikes me as a strange thing. I said "that's a bit weird" and he got the right hump. We've fallen out over the sister issue as well before. I understand that all families are different, some more affectionate than others or having different boundaries and what have you, but having to actually convince (and I do mean talk someone out of total disbelief) that you are in fact the DP, and his sister is not, is quite embarrassing. I guess it's all part of a bigger picture, to be honest. Perhaps it's more about how different we are with certain things.

OP posts:

DuckandCat · 02/02/2015 11:00

Well I could sleep in same bed as my Dad or brothers without fear that any of them would start touching me up in the night Unknowingly or not.

So you posters saying it's weird wouldn't trust your husbands with your adult DDs?? Why do you all think so little of the men in your lifes and still stay married to them?

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 11:05

I'm not saying dads can't share beds with DDs without feeling them up. Really, I'm not. It's more why would you want to share a bed when you don't usually and don't need to.

OP posts:

CrazyBaubles · 02/02/2015 11:12

I can see both sides of this tbh. I would (and have) shared a bed with my dad as an adult when the only other option was an uncomfortable sofa. Neither of us thought twice about it. He's my dad, we get on, I don't see the problem.

On the other hand, my DH is very cuddly in bed (claims he can't relax properly without his arm around me), which is all nice and sweet - until he went on a stag do and his friends sent me photos of him and his friend, spark out asleep, cuddling each other
He has refused to share a bed on weekends away ever since!

I think everyone is different. I would share with my dad - my sister likes more space/privacy so probably wouldn't.

Grumpyoldblonde · 02/02/2015 12:57

This is your boyfriend? I just wondered why he didn't sleep in your bed if you are a couple and why they had to share at all, did I read something wrong?

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 12:59

I wasn't there Grumpy, we don't live together.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 13:00

I am laughing a bit because that would definitely be a bit weird!

OP posts:

Grumpyoldblonde · 02/02/2015 13:02

Ah, got you! does seem a bit strange then, I thought they were staying at yours. Cant see a thing with these glasses on!

Grumpyoldblonde · 02/02/2015 13:04

I read I was at my house, as it was at my house.

Original poster

Nabootique · 02/02/2015 13:10

OP posts:

Babycham1979 · 02/02/2015 15:44

It's the responses that are odd. As much as I wouldn't choose to share a bed with my dad, given alternative options, I certainly wouldn't assume the worst of someone who would. I always suspect the kind of people who jump to dubious conclusions about these things are the ones with the questionable repressed thoughts and feelings.

Funnily enough, the recent threads from mums wanting to co-sleep as long as humanly possible were received positively by MNers. A case of the usual hypocrisy. Although, obviously, all men are depraved, sex-crazed monsters.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 02/02/2015 17:10

No. I would be disturbed if my husband shared a bed with his mother.

littleleftie · 02/02/2015 17:32

I have to admit I checked you out as well OP as this sounded so odd.

YANBU - it is fucking weird. HTH.

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