To think some people just cannot learn to drive?

[Edenviolet]

I can't drive. I just cannot do it.

Tried manual lessons in 2003. Was useless. Gave up.
Tried automatic in 2011. Still useless. Kept getting migraines as got so stressed before/during lessons then got a stomach ulcer (apparently from the stress).

Tried again last year (and still continuing) and after seven months I am still nowhere near test standard. It can't be the instructors as have changed each time I restarted lessons so it must be me!

Iam seriously starting to wonder if some people just can't drive?? I seem to have a combination of anxiety and no coordination/awareness.

At least I've got over the feeling of "if I drive faster the lesson will be over quicker" as that really didn't work and resulted in a few scary lessons.

Is it possible, can some people just not be taught? AIBU to think that there must be others like me and a reason for the inability to be able to drive?

miss not that it is particularly easy.
Just that society (ime) is more geared up to assume you can do it if you want.
Drivers are not seen as special.
It isn't a picnic driving in the US sometimes. There were many times l was sandwiched between enormous semi s coming from all directions....

I think that some people find it much harder to learn than others but no, I don't believe it's something some people just can't do.

I think if you have extreme anxiety about driving it must be very hard to learn but not impossible (and some driver training specialises in such cases).

Ultimately as an individual you can only work out if the difficulty in learning is worth the upside.

I think if you're really nervous and terrified and it doesn't come naturally after endless attempts and you've really tried your best then the Honourable thing to do is admit you won't be safe and embrace life as a non driver.

It's not like cooking or playing the piano- if you mess up at driving you can kill people.

There are far too many cars on the road to the point where society is getting like the USA- out of town malls and out of town business parks, meaning that more people have to drive which means too many cars on the road etc etc its a vicious circle.

Don't get me started on the people who have passed their tests and drive like obnoxious lunatics.

Bar some disabilities like VI, I think you are making excuses and BU. Some people just don't want to, and that is a whole lot different from cannot learn at all.

DH has dyspraxia and dyslexia, but he really wanted to drive. He had to have extra time on the exam and a reader at the practical, but he passed and drives no problem.

expat did you mean a reader at the practical, if so how did that work please?

I think there is something in the idea that driving really doesn't come naturally to some people. I passed my driving test a long time ago but never really felt completely competent and I rarely drive now - and only if another trusted adult is in the car. Just like the OP, I felt that I didn't have the spatial awareness and co-ordination (and maybe fast reactions too) to ever be able to relax. On the rare occasions when I do drive, I don't like anyone to talk to me, as I feel I have to concentrate extremely hard all the time to avoid making mistakes.

There seem to be two extremes of how people think about people like me. One is "you are being lazy and wussy, get over it" and the other is "people like you are dangerous and should never be allowed to drive". I honestly think it should be up to the individual to decide whether they are prepared to spend a lot of time, money and possibly emotional strain getting themselves up to scratch, or just accept that it's not for them. It's not compulsory after all.

Oh, and for anyone who says "but it's unfair to keep expecting lifts" - I don't expect lifts. If anything I sometimes find myself desperately trying to wriggle out of a lift without offending the person who's offering, because I really do love walking.

No he had a reader at the theory.

Chalie Boorman is severely dyslexic and also got a driving license and then a motorbike license.

Thanks expat. My brother passed his (finally) he has dyspraxia. I think he has been driving for about 5 years now. Even managing a van (obviously no back window) l take my hat off to him for that alone. :)

I really, really want to be able to drive. I just don't seem to be able to do it. I concentrate so hard but its as if my brain has no connection to the rest of my body and I just can't judge speed/distance or time anything right.

You sound just like me HEDGEHOG, and I really sympathise. I'm not currently learning, but must have had hundreds of lessons over the years, not all with the same instructor, and have failed many tests. Yes, I do feel that some people are not cut out for driving, although many will disagree with that I know!

I've suspected for ages that I may be dyspraxic, although haven't got a formal diagnosis. I'm not saying you are, of course, but here are the things I've consistently struggled with, while trying to learn -

• Getting speed and position in the road right, at the same time,

• Knowing when I'm parked straight or need to adjust, (no problems with my eyesight btw)!

• At a dual carriageway for instance, being unable to 'read' the road, so not knowing which line of traffic I should be waiting for or giving way to,

• Being told by the instructor to go back the way we've just come, cue my mind going blank and just seeing a mass of roads, and having to be directed

• Being unable to approach a roundabout and work out what I'm going to do without stopping first, even when there's no traffic

Thinking I've done well on speed, position and anticipating what's ahead, to then find I've gone over to the wrong lane, obviously one too many things for my brain to commute at once,

And I'm sure there have been more! I've had sleepless nights over it, felt ill before lessons and have sadly had to make the decision that driving isn't for me. My last two instructors readily agreed, saying they didn't know whether I'd ever manage it.

The thing us, I'm good at other things requiring attention to detail and co-ordination. I proof-read for people at work, have a quick, accurate typing speed, play musical instruments to a good standard, bake and cook very well etc, I just CAN'T drive!

I wish you the best of luck with it though, HEDGEHOG, and know how you feel! It would suggest persevering for now if you really can.

It took me two years and I passed first time. I went to an instructor who had taught a son of dh's boss he had special needs, I'm not sure what needs exactly but he went to a special school. My instructor admitted that I was a hard one to crack and I think with a less experienced instructor I would have given up.

Driving felt so unnatural to me and I didn't think I would ever get it. Once I mastered the steering after about lesson 17 I felt more confident. It still took me about another 150 lessons before I was test ready.

I think maybe you just have a mental block and get yourself worked up and convinced you're never going to learn. Did something happen during your earlier attempts that really put you off?

I am useless with machinery, have no co-ordination, am quite a nervous person, but I learnt to drive and passed my test on the second go.

My sister is an engineer, brilliant at understanding and working different kinds of machines, has a great sense of direction etc, learnt to ride a motorbike and fly planes, but just cannot get up the confidence to apply for her test and really get going in a car. She has been taking lessons for years and keeps vaguely saying that she'll apply for her test when 'she's ready'. She would be a great driver but something just seems to be holding her back.

Worth considering that if you pass you'll have to buy and run a car. In terms of insurance, tax, fuel and depreciation it will be at least a couple of grand a year. at least. that actually pays for a surprising number of taxi journeys (which also benefits local economy, yay)

Hating and being stressed by something THAT much is not of any benefit to you - life is just too short and you only get one go.

On the other hand...it might be worth having a go at doing something driving based with less consequences and things to do at once - like taking car to deserted/hired airfield where there's nothing to hit and spending some time just doing the mechanical control bit rather than also having to worry about the really important bits of awareness and not hitting something or someone! Could be a much more relaxed approach as Im sure the dreadful stress wont be improving any of your abilities.

I passed my test 26 years ago first time at the age of 20. I drove happily for 7 years without any problems but then started to suffer bad panic attacks whilst driving (initially brought on by a bad journey on a dark motorway). I persevered for many years, although my driving distances became less and less until all I would do was drive around my local town. I totally gave up driving two years ago though (a chronic debilitating digestive illness hasn't helped). I don't miss it one little bit. I walk everywhere in town when I am well enough and feel much fitter for it. I get the train or bus if I want to go further afield. I sometimes wistfully think back to my confident driving days but overall I have accepted that I probably won't drive again, the stress of it coupled with periods of physical ill-health just don't make it a priority for me to sort out any more! I think for various reasons some people just don't drive and they shouldn't be ashamed or beat themselves up about it - I did for a long time and am happy just to accept things the way they are now.

I HATED driving lessons. I had a brilliant instructor though who got me there. I used to take rescue remedy drops (useless) and came out of every lesson feeling like id had an intensive gym session - sweaty, exhausted, tensed shoulders and tearful. I would sob before and after each lesson. I was terrified of the consequences and hated the feeling of being 'let loose'. I got 100% on my theory and had textbook answers but I drew a blank when I was driving. What really helped was my instructor writing done each step for me for manoeuvres, roundabouts etc. I then memorised the steps. I'm much better at reading and memorising manuals. OP perhaps you learn better that way too? My driving instructor did say that left to my own devices I would happily take driving lessons for 20yrs and he pushed me into doing my test. I even said to the examiner afterwards that I didn't think I'd pass. My instructor really got me there.

I passed my test 3.5yo and only in the last few months would I say I'm okay about doing it. I still like to check and think my route through first before going anyway. I hate having passengers and my oh always drives when we are together.

I passed my test 12 years ago under duress because I had three small children and really needed to drive. Tbh my anxiety is still there but I have found myself able to do routes I never dreamed of.

My advice is to start off just thinking of the small area you will cover when you are driving - supermarket school friends' houses rather than expecting to have to drive long distances when you first qualify.

Then keep practising familiar routes (possibly without children in the car )

Then build up your stamina on more difficult journeys. (This is what I failed to do as I attempted a difficult journey far too early and lost my nerve on big roads)

I suffer from vertigo and I'm sure I'm dyspraxic and suffer from a kind of route blindness - so I cannot imagine the road ahead until I am actually on it (which is too late really - and that of course is quite anxiety inducing. My antidote to that is try a route when it is very empty - like first thing on Sunday morning - get used to it before you attempt it in full traffic conditions. The more I know what I am up against the less scared I feel when I am driving.

So far I haven't had an accident but I do wish I had been braver and pushed myself a bit over the last few years - practice practice practice would have conquered my fear of dual carriageways. I drive almost every day though and some routes really are so easy now through familiarity I could do them in a trance. I enjoy driving those routes - I feel powerful and purposeful and not at all anxious.

YOU CAN DO IT and even a small amount of driving can make a difference to your life. I think critical people who comment on your inability to drive can often compound the problem because one has a tendency then to retreat into thoughts of I just can't so there. But YOU CAN DO IT. -and I am going to try and practice my dual carriage ways and get a grip

I passed on an automatic btw. That was my second course of lessons - dismally failed on a manual and thought better to go for an automatic than not drive at all. It is so much easier.

KEEP GOING!!!

It took me 5 goes to pass, and nearly a year with my third instructor.
I felt just the same as you when you say "I seem to have a combination of anxiety and no coordination/awareness." I used to think the same. I'd think why whhhhyyyy can't I DO this?!

But you know, I had spent so much money on lessons there was no way I was dropping it. I just kept going getting a little bit better slowly but surely.
I passed in September there and once I was on my own, I was fine. I love being able to drive now. Love. It.

Keep on keeping on...

P.s I stuck with manual.

I don't think there should be a limit. The most dangerous people on the roads are not the ones that took a long time to pass but the young men who pass very quickly then drive too fast. And the tail gators. And the inpatients.

A lot of this sounds familiar to me! I suffered from a total lack of confidence and the headaches I had after driving lessons where horrendous!
My solution? I thought about the different elements that's stressed me.

1. Actually driving the car, gears, stearing etc
2. dealing with the road, signs, lanes etc
3. dealing with other people, giving way etc I then tried to work on one at a time. I spent a long time driving around a big industrial estate early on a Sunday morning so I could just concentrate on number one. Then drove around roads early on a Sunday morning so I could add in 2 and then felt better about finally adding number 3! For me it was all too much at once. By breaking it down it was easier to cope. On the positive side I think people who aren't over confident to start with ultimately make much better drivers in the long run.

It's very hard to manage without not being able to drive in the UK unless you live in a major city. Poor public transport has a lot to answer for!

I do think some people ought not to be driving - lack of ability, unable to afford/bother to maintain/insure a car properly, too old/infirm to be safe, those who just hate it, not to mention those who are not allowed/supposed to because of medical problems.

We had a holiday in Switzerland & didn't have a hire car for the first time in years - didn't miss it a bit - the public transport was amazing - bus/train/tram/cable car/ferry all seamlessly linking together on time & without delays. Everything was clean too! Staggering!

One thing that is concerning (re:younger drivers) is that the hazard perception is the easiest part to pass in the 17-25 year old age group.
The gaming and computer skills they have acquired, give them an advantage where there shouldn't be one.
To my mind, that either needs to get harder or eliminate it all together.
It has no bearing on genuine ability to cope with hazards in real life.

I've been learning for over a year now, off and on, and am still nowhere near test standard.

My main problem is understanding complex, traffic light-operated multi lane roundabouts - (The Sainsbury's roundabout in Chester, anyone?) Once I've stopped at the lights, I just can't seem to see the path/direction the traffic is supposed to be going in. The road markings seem to stop and I feel disoriented. It is terrifying - I feel like a blind person driving. The Instructor just says "Follow that car!" and I do, but I'm still not understanding what I'm doing...

Has anyone else had this problem when learning to drive, or am I a freak who should just give up?