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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people just cannot learn to drive?

112 replies

Edenviolet · 01/02/2015 22:24

I can't drive. I just cannot do it.

Tried manual lessons in 2003. Was useless. Gave up.
Tried automatic in 2011. Still useless. Kept getting migraines as got so stressed before/during lessons then got a stomach ulcer (apparently from the stress).

Tried again last year (and still continuing) and after seven months I am still nowhere near test standard. It can't be the instructors as have changed each time I restarted lessons so it must be me!

Iam seriously starting to wonder if some people just can't drive?? I seem to have a combination of anxiety and no coordination/awareness.

At least I've got over the feeling of "if I drive faster the lesson will be over quicker" as that really didn't work and resulted in a few scary lessons.

Is it possible, can some people just not be taught? AIBU to think that there must be others like me and a reason for the inability to be able to drive?

OP posts:
Artifexmumdi · 02/02/2015 10:05

I'm with you CowboyJoe, I'm dyspraxic too plus I have no peripheral vision in my left eye. After attempting to learn in the car centric US as a teenager, I came to the conclusion that in the unlikely event of my passing a test, it would still be inappropriate for me to be on the road. So I arranged my life so that I could use public transport or my legs. And I feel much better for it.

I can see why you would feel discouraged Hedgehog, but don't beat yourself up about it. I think some people are not meant to drive and frankly, the roads would probably be a lot safer if more people realised this.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/02/2015 10:09

Are their instructors out there who specialise in teaching the unteachable?

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 10:10

Artifex, with no peripheral vision in your left eye, you shoulden't be driving. My friend has no peripheral vision due to having a stroke, so she cannot learn to drive.

HodorHodorHodor · 02/02/2015 10:10

Hedgehog I've just passed my test and am in the process of getting used to driving my own little car. I did an intensive course and had been a very nervous and reluctant driver. I really recommend the intensive training, as things seemed to click for the first time (had tried learning a couple of times before). From your username I think we must be the same age and I did it for pretty much the same reasons too. My spatial awareness, coordination and eyesight isn't great either but it all came together and I passed on my first attempt. It's not too late!

SomewhereIBelong · 02/02/2015 10:12

I'm not meant to drive - I persevered and passed my test and drove a long while afterwards but the thought NEVER left my mind that I could kill somebody driving.... not a good frame of mind to be in - so I don't do it any more - we live in a suburb with good transport, the kids get the bus to school.

Life goes on without me driving.

Warmandtoasty · 02/02/2015 10:19

I took a while to learn to drive, my DH wouldn't allow me to give up even though I wanted to a number of times! I eventually did a lot of research on instructors and found one that had reviews saying they were good with nervous learners, I made sure I was consistent in going for a 2 hour lesson a week and started talking calms which helped a bit.

I went through a horrible stage of completely doubting myself and that's when I was driving at my worst, even though I had been better previously, I had convinced myself I could never do it so therefore I didn't and a lot of lessons ended with me in tears. It took a while but eventually I started believing I could do it and that made me relax more and once I was relaxed my driving massively improved. I took a while to get to test level, but I passed first time. My instructor wouldn't let me go to a test until I found confidence in myself as I would have failed which would have knocked me back.

If driving is something you really want to do then don't give up, research driving instructors and tell them how worried you are, they will be used to it and there will be one out there that will help build your confidence back up.

Artifexmumdi · 02/02/2015 10:23

Aeroflot, I don't drive at all, that's what I said.

kittentwo · 02/02/2015 10:23

I have had lots of driving lessons over the years. Finally two things helped me. Firstly a driving instructor that I feel completely comfortable with an listened to me when I told her I didn't mind how long it took I just wanted to take it one step at a time and finally do it this time. Secondly for the first month or so I took propranolol before my lesson to help with anxiousness. I started jan 2014 and think will ve ready for test in a couple of months. Yes it's a long time but more Importantly I actually feel safe and like I could actually do it this time and be confident. Good luck stick with it .

Artifexmumdi · 02/02/2015 10:26

But actually, thank you for confirming that I really shouldn't drive. When I tell people I don't drive and explain why, they always say 'oh, but that doesn't matter surely?'

I've always felt that of course it bloody matters, peripheral vision is important in driving and you need all of it. So I am one of those who figured out that I should not be on the road and hence stay off it!

ShouldiWork · 02/02/2015 10:26

Where do you live?

Yanks saying 'anyone can drive' is all very well - but their roads are totally different (wide and slow).

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/02/2015 10:38

I'm in bucks.

I'm fine in local area but if I go to far out I just can't seem to follow road systems.

I don't know if it's cos I just don't get it or whether I mis interpret instructions but it's really dented the confidence I had when I dare venture outside of what I know.

GoringBit · 02/02/2015 11:36

Giles, if there's one thing I've learned from driving, it's that most road signs are designed for people who know where they're going already. Trying to get anywhere be relying on them alone is the way to madness.

I've found sat nav really helpful, and has made me more relaxed about driving to and around unfamiliar places.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/02/2015 11:39

See I find it hard work to use a sat nav and compile that with road signs and I panic as I have no idea what to do as they dint match and next thing I know I'm in wrong lanes and can't get back

Bean89 · 02/02/2015 11:41

I had about 15 lessons and I still couldn't turn right.

I can't see myself ever driving, I found it terrifying (I'm nervous as a passenger, never mind in the driving seat) and just didn't enjoy it at all.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 02/02/2015 11:49

I think everyone can learn to drive. Where I come from (Australia) I don't know any adults who can't drive, barring a few who aren't allowed to due to physical disabilities. Obviously there are variations in skill level, but no one I know is so bad at it they shouldn't be on the road.

In the UK where it's quite normal not to have a driver's licence I've noticed that there is a lot of reinforcement of this idea that some people "can't" drive. It's fine not to like driving and not do it, I don't particularly like it myself.

But I think everyone can do it. I don't think the UK has a special population of really rubbish drivers that other countries like Australia and the US don't have.

unweavedrainbow · 02/02/2015 11:53

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you/your LO have EDS? Proprioception (knowing where your body is in relation to other objects) can be seriously impaired in EDS and so can have an impact on things like driving. This is in relation to EDS HT but I know that other types of EDS can be affected www.edhs.info/#!proprioception-and-edhs/c1a3v

KidLorneRoll · 02/02/2015 11:56

I don't think everyone can drive to a reasonable standard. It's a skill and it requires a certain degree of confidence and if someone is on the road lacking either of those things it's dangerous.

If someone can't pass what is a fairly basic test of nevertheless fundamental skills after endless goes then it's time to give up and, I think, be prevented from continuing to take tests until they get that one good day out of a hundred where they manage to scrape through.

StayGoldPonyBoy · 02/02/2015 12:11

I can't do it. I won't even go past 2nd gear and every time I tried never got as far as a proper public road. I can cruise round estates and parking areas but not actually drive. I can't co-ordinate everything at once. It's the clutching and the gears and the looking and the everything-ing that baffles me. I don't know, my brain just won't do it. I will definitely have another go because I want to be able to drive when DD starts school, though I think if I can't drive myself anywhere happily, I'm definitely not putting my daughter in the metal box of doom with me! I'm hoping I just wake up one day ready to do it.

Feminine · 02/02/2015 12:30

I totally agree with you somuch
I lived in the US for years, and there you are just seen as 'driving' despite how good of bad you may be.
here once people have passed their test, they think of themselves as "drivers"
Like an elitist group or something... There is the expectation/culture that perpetuates the myth that 'not everyone can drive'
My drivers license in the US, said 'operators licence' and that is the way it should be seen here.... You are mearly gaining a skill (like any other)
You can't buy congratulations cards for new passers, l think that says a lot.
The philosophy is try and try again. The expectation is that anyone can do it if they want (or illness/disability taken in to consideration) :)

GoringBit · 02/02/2015 12:47

They do take a bit of getting used to, Giles, and of course it's something else to have to be aware of. I occasionally get in the wrong lane, but when that happens, if I can't change lane, I stick with it, let the say nav recalibrate, and pull over if needs be.

Although it wasn't an intended choice, our car is automatic, which definitely simplified driving. We had a manual hire car recently, six bloody gears, finding first was like trying to get shit from a rocking horse, so pulling out was fractious. I'd definitely go with automatic again (though very useful to have a licence for manual, too.)

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/02/2015 13:14

Good job I don't plan on going far if when I pass.

I have no clue outside of local areas.

Feminine · 02/02/2015 13:16

giles just build up gradually.
Just tell yourself you only want to get to the supermarket.
Even if you only ever do that much. It is fine.

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/02/2015 13:19

shopping and kids activities is pretty much all I plan to do. not fussed about much else

Vagndidit · 02/02/2015 13:51

I'll be honest--i gave up on learning to drive and I'm much happier having done so. The stress was having a very bad effect on my health and my family, not to mention the amount of ££ we were throwing away on the effort.

I am already a licensed driver in America, which probably contributed to my problems. I had driven in the States for over 20 years with an automatic and I was expecting the process to be as simple as learning to drive on the other side of the road. Wrong. 80+ hours of lessons and two failed tests proved that.

In any case, we live near a citycentre so getting around on foot or by bus or taxi is simple enough. We've lived here for almost 5 years without a car already (h doesnt drive here either) No rush.

MissBattleaxe · 02/02/2015 13:55

I get a bit miffed at the supposition from the USA and Australia ( from above previous posters) that driving is easy and there's no excuse.

Am I alone in thinking that roads in the UK are congested, not equipped for the massive "four cars per house" 21st century and in places, positively Dickensian?

When I have been to the USA I noticed big wide plentiful roads and the majority of people drive automatics. When my USA relatives come over, they hate driving over here and often comment on how horrible it is.

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