to think that this view is unfair on children?

[Horseradishes]

A friend of mine said that if she'd forked out thousands to pay for a private education for dc, she'd be disappointed if at the end of it the dc decided to do a fairly 'menial' job that required no qualifications. She added that she'd have loved a private education, which a friend of hers squandered allegedly.

I said that I don't agree, as it's up to parents to choose an education and dc should be free to choose their own path as adults.

Aibu?

I agree, it's about choice. If you have the qualifications but choose not to use them because that suits you and makes you happier that is totally different to someone who doesn't have that option. I'd like Dd to have that option. If I didn't have a fairly well paid job it would have been very difficult for me to afford to work PT which I have done since she was born.

There are worse things than being low paid but happy. Being low paid in a job you hate is definitely crappy but being highly paid in a job you hate can be as bad and offer just as little chance of escape especially if you are trapped by other people's expectations as much as the financial responsibilities you end up with.

That is so true tiggytape.

Well can all pretend that a low paying mcfries kinda job is just as worthwhile and fulfilling than a well paid career and all the life opportunities that go with it. Itsbullshit though, and we all know it.
I want more for my children than I ever had. Dont most parents? I want them to be able to afford a good home, and have choices in life. I want them to be happy abive all, but money does in fact buy happiness.

And Holly we are no different. Your education gave you benefits. I aspire to those benefits for my children too.

But this is about payment and results. The idea that paying for education should be repaid with a non-menial job or the investment's wasted.

Maybe OP's mate is a snob, I wouldn't know.
"an education for an education's sake" makes little sense to me.

The idea that taxation should pay for that: No.
The idea that someone with great wealth could risk their kids being anything but very capable of taking over the family estate or being astute at household management: No.

I accept few will admit agreeing with me... but if I paid high money for their education (and IF kid didn't have LDs) I'd be disappointed if long term my offspring were dinner ladies* and cleaning school buildings 3-5:30 every day and not minded to aspire higher. I'd feel fully cheated.

*ps: After I got my PhD I worked as 8 months as a dinner lady so no snobbery accusations, please. I'd go out with the same gang of colleagues for a drink any time, too.

I went to a private school, but I was told nothing about this fact until I was in year 8 or 9, and I wasn't very well-read so I didn't "spot" it. I did notice that there was vastly more pressure to do homework, sport and so on than there was at primary school; but I was completely oblivious to the fact that it was a "posh" school.

I didn't actually start to work hard until year 11; before then I kept being told "you should be doing better" by my parents, one of whom was a teacher. I only started to like the school when I was in year 12. I did well in my A-levels, went to university with a career in mind, did get a graduate job, but found (with some regret) that that career didn't really suit me in the end.

For a few years then, I did a lot of temping, eventually decided to do driving instruction, which I loved. It needs no academic qualifications (has its own training and exams), and although my parents supported me in whatever I did, I think they were a bit disappointed that with an expensive education I wasn't doing something "academic". I did that for a few years, then I decided to move into providing A-level tuition, which I enjoy just as much. Now that I am doing this, I keep seeing how good my own education was, even if I disliked a lot of it at the time.

Speaking for myself, it's mostly that being self-employed suits me far better than being employed (mostly because I don't like being told what to do). So I'm glad I have the "choice"; but I sometimes wonder what I might have done differently if "posh schools" had been explained to me at the age of 11; I might have tried harder, but then set myself up for greater disappointment if I had failed to "do well". However, I have avoided school reunions, in case I meet peers who are far more "ahead" than I am.

You can lead a horse to water, you can't make it drink..

My DC all had scholarships and/or bursaries to independent schools, we are low paid manual/unskilled, and lived on benefits at times...they all do lower level jobs at present, some of their decisions have been deliberate decisions others due to other their circumstances forced on them...
I wont pretend I wouldn't have preferred they made more use of their education but it did give them a level of confidence and skills that enables them to deal with a range of people and situations.
I took the decisions I did as a parent because I wanted them to have choices and not have them forced on them as a result of their parents circumstances. Their decisions now are theirs to make.

Grockle or a better standard of living with misery..

If my children are happy in their work I will not care what their job title is. As someone privately educated many peers are in more prestigious jobs but they are miserable (their words) and wish they didn't earn so much as it's harder to give it up to do something that makes them happy. Fancy job titles requiring years of education do not necessarily make people happy and isn't that what you want for your children?

Yes. But being able to know what makes you happy and having the chance to explore options is going to be more achievable by having a good education. because.

There's not much choice if you don't have that and you can't know it's what you want if you've never known anything different.

being able to choose between pizza hut or neros is hardly the same as being able to choose whether to be a legal secretary or a teacher or a Dr or a veterinary nurse or a lab tech.