Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this view is unfair on children?

86 replies

Horseradishes · 01/02/2015 12:59

A friend of mine said that if she'd forked out thousands to pay for a private education for dc, she'd be disappointed if at the end of it the dc decided to do a fairly 'menial' job that required no qualifications. She added that she'd have loved a private education, which a friend of hers squandered allegedly.

I said that I don't agree, as it's up to parents to choose an education and dc should be free to choose their own path as adults.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2015 17:01

What is wrong with wanting your child or hoping your child has the option to not live struggling in a society that doesn't pay people enough to live.

They love and support they receive will not change be it a Dr or a paper person.

but what's wrong with hope

usualsuspect333 · 01/02/2015 17:03

There's nothing wrong with being a Doctor. There's nothing wrong with working in McDonalds either.

RandomNPC · 01/02/2015 17:04

She's a bloody snob

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2015 17:14

of course there's nothing wrong with it.

doesn't mean after years of working in a shitty paid job with unsociable hours and no ability to be able to go anywhere with it, that you don't regret the choices you made that lead to it.

I have no savings dp no longer earns enough to start a savings account. We rent too so basically we will have Nothing to leave the children. you can't honestly think it's abnormal to worry about how your children will support themselves or afford to live and be ok.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2015 17:20

The only thing worse than.being in a job you hate it's being in a job you hate that's badly paid, so there's no chance of even being able to save up so you can do something you love in the future regardless of how badly it's paid.

Fabulous46 · 01/02/2015 17:20

All of my children did menial jobs at one point in their lives, it doesn't harm them! One of my best friends does nightshift in McDonalds cleaning the fryers etc because it fits in with her kids. She's a qualified social worker and was privately educated. She chooses to do a job that makes her happy as do a couple of my children. One of my children is a vet, another is a doctor the other two aren't remotely interested in following a career path like their siblings. I am immensely proud of all of them and would never mention to any of them that we'd paid for an education so they should be high flyers.

velourvoyageur · 01/02/2015 17:21

I feel really strongly about parents recognising their kids as individuals. From the moment they're born they are their own people. Don't have kids to extend your own personal development into another arena.

Also cannot stand snobbishness about jobs. My family is chock full of high flyers and people doing extremely well for themselves financially, which would be lovely if they weren't sometimes so up their arses about careers and status. I feel sorry for their kids (my cousins). I feel a bit sorry for my child self actually, I did struggle with the snobbery.

And finally, at a private school a kid could learn, say, Latin, really enjoy it, then turn out to drive a bus. I wouldn't see that as weird. We have got to stop putting people in these neat categories, it's just lazy. Why wouldn't a bus driver go home and, using what he got from his great private education, get lost in the Iliad or whatever? Have we lost sight of just learning for the pleasure of it? When I was a kid I always got the impression no one thought we were really people until we were all grown up, that we were preparing to become people. But kids are people too! And school is an investment for the present as well as the future.

I know my mum did jobs she didn't particularly like and that she was totally overqualified for, but anyone thinking she wasn't very bright would have been so wrong. She's incredibly well read and an intellectual type, she just didn't need to explore that part of herself in her professional life.

velourvoyageur · 01/02/2015 17:23

christ, you can tell I'm a state school kid Grin
mixing up greek and latin oops

GokTwo · 01/02/2015 17:23

Nobody has said they think menial jobs are beneath them or that those people who do them are lesser. But I do think it's sad if a person has the ability to do a more fulfilling, well paid job and they don't end up doing it. Would you really do one if you had a choice to do something better paid and more interesting?

Fabulous46 · 01/02/2015 17:23

doesn't mean after years of working in a shitty paid job with unsociable hours and no ability to be able to go anywhere with it, that you don't regret the choices you made that lead to it

It also doesn't mean parents who choose to pay for an education for their children should expect them to have a career or job they don't want!

You sound very bitter about the choices YOU made.

GokTwo · 01/02/2015 17:26

Velour, I agree with everything you've said. If someone is happy and fulfilled doing whatever they choose then that's entirely up to them. Many people I know though have just ended up in low paid jobs that bore them and wish they'd had the opportunity to do something else.

RandomNPC · 01/02/2015 17:28

Why the hell should it be ok to buy privilege for you children just because you have money? Why should your precious offspring have the right to take all the high paying jobs just because you're lucky enough to be well off?
Don't give me that 'it's not luck, it's hard work' shit either. There are many, many people in this life that work extremely hard, but don't become wealthy. Luck has a hell of a lot to do with it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2015 17:28

I dont expect them to do a job they don't want.

I just want them to have the option to be able to do whatever they want.

to be able to choose a career path instead of no one looking at you because you don't have X.

and the knowledge that even if they hate their high flying well paid job they could pack it in and be able to afford to do what they loved.

If I could have afforded private education I'd have done so. I'm Envy of people who have that choice.

and that's all I want for my kids. to have a choice.

Eva50 · 01/02/2015 17:34

My children go to good state schools. I want them to grow into healthy, happy adults. Everything else is secondary to that.

Takingthemickey · 01/02/2015 17:35

I have done those jobs, therefore I do not romanticise them. Why should I want them for my kids? Even if they end up doing those jobs I can also admit that my aspirations were diffeent.

HollyBdenum · 01/02/2015 17:35

Lots of people do. I have had an extremely good education (first class degree, qualified solicitor) and I'm currently a SAHM and earned just over the minimum wage in my last job. I was far, far happier in that job than I was as a solicitor. My colleagues in retail were both nicer and more intellectual than my colleagues in law. A good education gives choices, and choosing an lower status option that makes you happy is a perfectly good choice.

Takingthemickey · 01/02/2015 17:36

And it is not about private or state. A good education gives advantages which I hope they will put to good use.

Takingthemickey · 01/02/2015 17:40

So you were a solicitor probably giving you potential to save, invest in a house (ok am making assumptions) here and then take the luxury of being a SAHM parent. And you do not recognise the options that the education and career gave you?

Unescorted · 01/02/2015 17:40

She sounds like my Mum - problem is no job is good enough. My brothers & I are all well paid, but everytime we see her (weekly in my case) we get the could try harder lecture. I just zone out now.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2015 17:41

The best job I had was one of the worst paid.

would I be ashamed of my child of she did that job..of course not.

But I'd worry how she'd feed herself on it.

We have gone from times where you could walk out of one job and into another.

now you compete with hundreds of people.

There was a thread not tat long ago where cv selection processes involved the likes of checking face book profiles and scrapping anyone with a profile they didn't like.

or dropping a pile of cvs and chucking ones that landed the wrong way.

of course people would hope that's whatever job they did it would be something with opportunities and enough pay to support themselves and allow them to choose what they do in life.

nothing to do with being a snob.

Mehitabel6 · 01/02/2015 17:48

What a wonderful mum,Daisy17. People lose sight of the purpose of education-and think it is all about jobs. How can you waste a good education? It is always with you.
You can have a fortune, set your heart on your child going to Oxford and having a glittering career, but it simply won't work if your child doesn't want it or hasn't the ability.

Mehitabel6 · 01/02/2015 17:50

I know many a person who has wasted life fitting the mould the parent wanted and then having to eventually break free in mid life to be a potter, landscape gardener, sail boats etc. Such a shame- and some never make it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/02/2015 18:05

But your talking about kids being pressured or made to do things.

im just talking about hoping. kept to myself, encouraged to do their best and be happy, and support them no matter what but hoping they work hard enough to reach their potential and have choices that I didn't.

I don't believe any job is beneath anyone. I dint judge people by their jobs. why would I. people are who they are.

But I still don't see why it's so wrong to hope your child leaves school with the means to be able to financially support herself and be secure enough to be able to do whatever she wants either straight away or in the future after have g then means to earn enough to cover the costs of what she wants to do.

alot of people hope for a lot of things with their child. that they will be healthy or that they will sleep or eat or make friends etc. doesn't mean your disappointed in them.of it doesn't work out that way

HollyBdenum · 01/02/2015 18:19

I went into my badly paid job as soon as I qualified, takingthemickey, so I never earned more than a trainee salary. I do own a house but that's because I bought it a long time ago in somewhere relatively cheap. And being a sahm isn't really a luxury if you don't actually earn enough money to pay for childcare.

My education gave me huge, huge benefits, which is pretty much my point. An education isn't wasted if the person educated doesn't earn a big salary. My education has given me all sorts of options, allowing me to make an informed choice.

That's why an education isn't wasted if the person doesn't go on to earn lots of money.

tiggytape · 01/02/2015 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.